Leaking Pain
by Fat Freddy
Summary: Set during and after Somalia, but more centered on afterwards. How can the team help Ziva heal? Then a case brings out the best in her, and exposes the worst of what she lived through. How will Ziva deal with people dying for her, her father not caring and the possibility of having to break Rule 12? And of course TIVA! Duh. READ AND REVIEW!
1. Chapter 1

**Set: During Ziva's time in Somalia and her recovery back home in DC.**

**Rated: M for violence and content**

**Characters: Ziva David, Saleem Ulman, Tony DiNozzo, Leroy Gibbs, Tim McGee, Abby Scuito, well the whole team really!**

As Ziva David struggled to make sense of the blurred world she had come to call home, she heard a voice beckoning her attention, she couldn't focus on anything; if only the sun didn't shine so brightly from the window above her. A sharp stinging sensation followed by a bucket of cold water launched against her face, brought Ziva back. Attempting to suck in as much of the precious liquid as she could, she knew she couldn't be certain when it would pass through her lips again.

A man was sitting cross-legged opposite her, dressed in simple clothing, an armed guard stood in the doorway behind him. The man introduced himself as Saleem Ulman, the head of a terrorist organisation that had recently been hugely insulted by an American military service known as NCIS. He leaned forward, and took Ziva's necklace in his hand, raising his eyebrows slightly.

"Tell me everything you know about NCIS" He stated.

'_Why isn't he asking about NCIS? He expects me to crumble, like most other women from his nation would'. _Ziva, despite herself smirked, _'I am not just from his nation, I have two now to call home'._

The silence that followed, only interrupted by the howling of the desert wind, became uncomfortable. This man, Saleem crossed over to a small bench and picked up a lightweight metal rod. Toying with it in his hand he warned, "Do not place yourself as special, you're not the only Mossad agent we've had in here, I know full well you are trained to take a beating, just not one like this." He brought the rod high above his head; Ziva tucked her chin into her chest, to avoid the worst of the blows. Thankfully she only felt three of them before she passed out.

With her mind still swimming in a pool of hurt, unconsciousness and blood, Ziva awoke. Scanning the small cell and finding it empty, she pulled herself up to a sitting position, her back leaning against a dusty and cold wall. Tentatively checking her face, she found a small but deep cut on her forehead and several sticky lumps elsewhere. Those would heal in time.

'_But how much time do I have?'_

But what worried her most was the way one of her lower right ribs poked out, the surface of the skin stretched, tender and red. Wincing as she touched a voice echoed through the small room, jerking her head around Ziva soon found the speaker, a stout man with a light stubble, a cargo jacket, grey pants and a sand coloured top, he was sitting near the only apparent exit, shrouded in a dim shadow, a pistol in his hand. He smiled at her, not kindly, in more of an authoritive way.

"You're pretty" The oaf blurred out, making it immediately obvious there was alcohol mixed with his blood. He stood up and lumbered her way. Ziva became nervous, doubting the man was approaching to clean her wounds. He was reaching to caress her face when Ziva struck. Quick as lightening she latched onto his wrist, hoping to drag him to the ground, but his gun got in the way first.

Nestling it up against the crook of her neck he whispered into her ear, "I wouldn't do that sweetheart, anyway I have a better idea…" He again reached for her, his hand brushing against her lower neck. Ziva responded by pushing his hand away, only for the gun to press harder into her neck, sending shockwaves of pain down her neck to her injured ribs. Knowing she was beaten, Ziva let the pervert feel all over her, as the sun set Ziva knew little sleep would be obtained as the night would be to rigorous to rest. As the man lay into her again and again, Ziva's mind crossed to a night, a lifetime ago, with Tony. How similar this was, yet how kind he was about it, not pushing her, but going when she was ready. A single tear rolled down Ziva's cheek as she said a silent thank you to Tony for always being there, even though he wasn't here to save her.

**So, what do ya think? It's my first fanfic so please be nice! READ AND REVEIW PLEASE! I'll love you forever... **


	2. Chapter 2

Burying her face in the crook of her arm, Ziva hid the silent tears that slide down her face, trickling over tender wounds and dried blood. The door behind her unbolted and opened, a man walked in, locking the door behind him. Ziva couldn't quite tell but she thought she heard a tray being put on the ground near her. There was an awkward pause that followed.

"Listen, I am ever so sorry I had to do that last night, I am the new guy and it was a test, to check my loyalty. I'm not that kind of person, Saleem is." He sat down on the chair near the door, awaiting a reply.

"Then what kind of person are you?" Ziva asked, still not turning around, she was surprised at how weak her voice sounded.

The man sighed, "I am Aadan and I'm not a terrorist, I work for the Somali Military Services, in fact, according to them I don't even exist." He paused as Ziva slowly, painfully rolled over to face him.

She studied his face briefly, taking in every detail, "Prove it."

Aadan un-buttoned his top, showing a small crest, tattooed over his heart. "This is the symbol of our service, and if you still don't believe me, I know who you are, and whom you work for, Ziva David."

A confused expression took form on Ziva's face, Aadan continued, "Not many Mossad officers have left for America, lest of all any women." He smiled, warmly, "Anyway you should eat, he wants to see you soon." He got up and left, locking the door behind him. Ziva sat and thought for a while, mulling over the new found information. Glancing at the tray, finding a small ration of rice and a cup of water, she gratefully gulped both portions down, the water calming her scorched throat.

It was a competition, a race, to see who would look away first, the captive or the captor. Surprisingly enough it was the captor who lost the race. Saleem reached for a small leather pouch, sitting on the table near him, even closer was the metal rod. He opened it to reveal a small syringe and needle and a glass container, with a clear liquid inside, Ziva doubted it was water.

"Do you know what this is?" He asked, as he filled the syringe with the liquid. Ziva again didn't reply. "I won't give you the name of it but, it is a drug that releases you from your lies, put it simply, it is a truth serum." Saleem smiled proudly at her. Crossing over towards her, he pulled up her sleeve, just above her elbow. Ziva tried to jerk away but the cable ties around her wrists kept her in place. Saleem eased the needle in and let the drug fill Ziva's veins. He sat back, placing the, now empty, syringe on the table, waiting for it to kick in.

He cleared his throat, "What is your name?"

Feeling her lips opening without her agreement, Ziva tried to fight the drug, "It hurts more if you fight it, but if you must fight do so, it won't make a difference, you will lose." Saleem stated. There was a pause.

"Ziva David." Ziva replied in a broken voice.

Saleem's eyebrows rose, "David as in daughter of the Director of Mossad Eli David?" Ziva shifted uncomfortably in her seat, "Yes." She muttered.

"So why then, do you work for the Americans? Are you not loyal to your country?!" Saleem's face flushed with anger.

Ziva's jaw clenched tightly shut, trough gritted teeth she spat, "I am more loyal to both my countries than you are to one!"

Saleem got up and stormed out, slamming the door behind him, leaving Ziva alone in the room. She smirked and shuffled the chair over to the table, just reaching one of the needles, slipping it up her sleeve, for later use. The door opened and Aadan walked in, untying the cable ties around Ziva's wrists.

"Whatever you said certainly angered him, he left the compound by himself." He said as he helped her up, taking her back to her own cell, griping her by the arm tightly the whole time. Aadan opened the door for her, letting you walk back in herself. Checking no one was within earshot he leant forward.

"If you think you are going to do any damage with a needle, think again," He ignored Ziva's shocked expression, "But with this you might," He took a large hunting knife from his hip strap. "I only ask if I come between you and freedom you only overpower me, not end my life." Aadan offered it, handle first to Ziva, she took it, hiding it in the folds of her shirt.

"I won't make any promises," Ziva joked, Aadan grinned and left, bolting the door, his smile leaving an imprint on her mind. Slightly goofy, yet sincere, how much he reminded her of Tony, and even more how much she longed for his presence, his touch, his friendship.

**So, what did ya think! It's my first fanfic so I am keen to hear some reviews, please be nice! Correct me on any incorrect stuff from NCIS, I try my best not to mess up!**


	3. Chapter 3

"Here I brought you some bread," Aadan warmly slide to the ground next to Ziva, handing her a small bread roll. "You're so cold," He took off his jacket and wrapped it around her small frame.

"I don't even feel it anymore," Ziva replied weakly, glancing at the opposite wall, which was littered in small vertical lines, in groups of four, with one horizontal line running through each group. "Not after 68 days anyway," She muttered. Aadan shifted uncomfortably. A sound behind the doorway brought Aadan quickly to his feet, as the door opened he slapped Ziva across the face, "Take that you Mossad scum!" The actual blow hurt very little, Aadan had made sure of that. He turned to the person in the doorway, blocking Ziva's view, but once the man spoke she knew who it was, the voice who haunted her dreams.

"I see you are enjoying yourself Aadan."

"Yes sir, it brings me joy to punish those who have damaged our work family," Aadan replied respectfully. He shifted to the side of the room, allowing Saleem to see Ziva sitting on the dusty floor. "You hear that David?" The sound of a funeral prayer wafted through the barred window. "It's a funeral, for all the twenty-three men you slaughtered, out there, their families, friends and comrades are mourning their loses." Now he was nearly spitting in rage at Ziva. "WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT?!"

"What about the hundreds of families you tore apart with the bombing attacks across the world? What do you say to that?" As she spat back Ziva's hand reached slowly for the knife in her shirt, ready to use it if she had to. Aadan spied this too soon though.

"Sir what if you put her out there? You know, for the families to vent some anger on?" He refused to look Ziva in the eye.

Saleem paused, "That's a fine idea! Let her feel the pain they are feeling!" He stood up and left calling as he did so, "You take her out there, whilst I address the crowd."

Helping Ziva to her feet, he apologised, "Believe me the pain you will feel out there is nothing compared to what you would feel if you put that knife in Saleem, I refuse to lose you." Another guard appeared who led Ziva outside.

"I'll see you soon." She called; ignoring the guard's perplexed expression.

She sat as directed in the middle of a courtyard, closing her eyes and taking in the warmth of the sun on her face for the first time in months. The guard left her alone as he went to tell Saleem, who was about five-hundred metres away, addressing a small crowd of people. She scanned her surroundings, noting a mountain range about a kilometre away; a bright light was shining from a small outcrop near the summit. It was as if someone was directing the sunlight at her. Realising what was going on Ziva checked she was alone before pulling the knife out, flicking it back and forth, letting the sun reflect off it towards the mountain range. Quietly saying a simple message, in a rudimentary Morse Code, three short shines of light, followed by three long and again followed by three short ones. SOS. Help. Putting the knife back in her shirt Ziva smiled briefly; maybe she wasn't as alone as she thought. An angry cheer came from the crowd, which started advancing towards her.

**So? Again what did ya think?! I'm actually getting excited for a possible rescue, but I'll give you a hint, NCIS is NOT up there on that mountain! Argh! The suspense! Anyway you know the deal Read and REVIEW PLEASE! Haven't gotten any, which doesn't bother me heaps, I'm just interested to see how people like/dislike it **


	4. Chapter 4

_3000 Kilometres Away in Mossad Headquarters in Israel._

Eli David rubbed his weary eyes, placing his glasses next to a framed photo of his daughter Ziva next to Ari when they were children. His thoughts turned to a happier period in his life, when he had two daughters, a son, a wife and a family who did not know the true feeling of grief. An abrupt knock flicked his attention quickly away.

"Come in."

The door opened and a nervous man shuffled in, just by looking at him Eli could tell he had spent little time in the field. The man paused, unsure. Eli raised his eyebrows in a questioning look.

"Well? How can I help you?"

The man cleared his throat, "We found her sir, your daughter, Ziva. Well of course your daughter Ziva, you don't have any others and-"

Eli interrupted, "Where? How can you be sure it was her?"

"Our men stationed in the Somali mountain region, overlooking Saleem's camp spotted a women being led into a courtyard, she matched Ziva's physical description. They signalled to her, via redirecting the sunlight towards her. She replied." The man replied proud of his work, even if he had done little.

"Are you certain it was her? She told me she would never be taken alive."

"Quite certain sir, she knew where our men were stationed in the mountain outcrop area." He reasoned.

Eli considered this, "What did my daughter signal?"

"SOS, this was before a crowd of mourners beat her." He blurted out, quick to change the subject he added, "A team has been assembled for a rescue mission, they await your permission."

Eli paused, his mind quickly weighing up the odds of success against the possible political risks. "Tell the team to not run a rescue mission, if fate shines in her favour she will get out herself," Ignoring his slightly shocked expression Eli continued with the authority he had come to relish, "She is a smart girl, she managed to send a message to us. Think about it, you need metal or glass to reflect light, meaning she has a weapon and if Ziva has a weapon, she is virtually unstoppable."

"Y-yes sir," He turned around and left Eli alone.

Eli sighed and paused, mulling over his decision, then pulling out a file and flicking it open, his mind already elsewhere. A man's voice yelling profanities down the hallway made him sigh again. His door was slammed open and a red-faced, high ranking man stormed in. His name was Kadin and he was also one of Ziva's only close friends.

"What is this talk of you not rescuing one of our own, YOUR own daughter?!" He demanded, fighting to control his temper.

"It would not be politically correct, to have an Israeli operative in foreign lands rescued after she failed to do her job correctly!" Eli argued back.

Kadin was lost for words briefly, "Not doing her job? She has lost more, and gained more for this company than any other-"

"ENOUGH!" Eli stood up and yelled, silencing Kadin. Eli rarely yelled, except when he was moments away from ordering a hit. "You listen Kadin and you listen good, if you make any further move to investigate, rescue or so much as look at Somalia on Google Maps your career is finished!" Eli sat down heavily, "Go now." He said dismissively, waving his hand in the direction of the door.

"Yes sir," Kadin replied angrily as he stormed out, slamming the door behind him. He took his phone out of his pocket, dialling the number as he left the building. Holding the phone up to his ear he spoke, "Yeah hi, I'd like a ticket to Somalia as soon as available. Yes ok. And two return flight tickets."


	5. Chapter 5

Darkness had fallen over the compound. Most of Saleem's men were outside near a bonfire, smoking, laughing and drinking. Ziva was still locked in her cell, aware that any time soon they would come in and tear her apart, both outside and inside, she also could hear Aadan's laughter above the other men, Ziva's heart felt warm again. Despite herself she blushed. Glancing at the rough lines she had scratched into the ground to dictate the time and realising it was nearly midnight she paused.

"_The less I sleep, the less I feel the need to_," she thought, the lines on the ground made her think of the twenty-eight that lay scattered across her body. A personal message from every meeting she had had with Saleem, she ran her finger gently over the newest one, made by his knife on her forearm. She jumped in surprise as bullets were let loose into the air. Ziva leaned back against the cold wall, assuming the men were firing for fun, as more bullets continued to be fired. A new sound crept through the noise, one of uttered cries and the moans people make as they release their last breath, sounds Ziva knew all too well. The compound was under attack.

Ziva dragged herself up and limped towards the window, using the small ledge for support. Outside was mayhem, dust had been kicked up from the scorched desert and was causing men to blindly shoot, killing more of their fellow comrades. Through this a man ran wildly through the carnage, shooting with lethal accuracy. Ziva didn't have to look twice to know who it was coming; she couldn't help a crooked smile from appearing on her face as Kadin stormed through the compound.

The sound of doors slamming open turned Ziva away from the window. She could hear Kadin trying to find which cell she was in.

"Ziva?! Ziva where are you?!" A desperate man's voice called down the building.

"I-I'm in here Kadin!" Ziva replied, her voice cracking from lack of use.

Pounding against the door, Kadin eventually shot his way through, kicking the broken door away. Ziva turned away from the window, loosing balance and stumbling to the ground, only to fall into strong arms. He brushed her dull hair out of her face, taking in her injuries.

"Oh Ziva," He sighed sadly, "What has he done to you?" He slung Ziva's arm over his shoulder, standing he supported her weight easily, too easily. They made their way slowly towards the door, Ziva's head rolled forward weakly. They were less than a meter from the open doorway when Saleem Ulman entered, a gun pointed at Kadin's head.

"Well, I have to admit I am surprised to see this," Saleem smiled with the confidence of a man that has the power to end a life or save one. A large African man appeared, he strolled forward and punched Kadin hard in the gut, making him keel over, and he then tied his hands roughly behind his back. He dragged Kadin to his feet and brought him over to the corner of the room. Saleem walked over to Ziva, grabbing her by the hair and pulling up to a standing position. He smiled briefly at her.

"But what surprises me the most is you. Kadin is it?" He smiled at the puzzled look on Kadin's face, "Yes I know all about the operations that go on in Mossad, including a certain Eli David's order for no team to go and rescue his daughter."

Ziva's jaw clenched in anger, through gritted teeth she spat, "You're lying, you don't know that, how could you know that?" Her gaze shifted from the barrel of Saleem's gun to Kadin, her expression went from angered to shocked, "Kadin?"

Saleem turned, "Oh yes Kadin, tell us all about how worried Eli is about his dear daughter," He joked in a mocking tone.

Kadin's face softened, "Ziva he said it would be politically impossible to do, I am sorry."

"B-but you're here, why are you here?!" Her eyes became moist as she struggled to hold back the tears threatening to fall.

Saleem's loud laugh echoed around the walls, he turned his back on Ziva, walking over to Kadin, pushing the barrel of his gun into Kadin's sweaty, dusty head. "Whilst I would love to let you suffer for the murderous crimes you have committed tonight, I have too much on my hands," He beckoned towards Ziva, "Between getting information during the day and pleasure during the nights I am completely booked. So I guess you should say goodbye to your dear and stupid friend Ziva, because this is the last time you will ever see him." His arm tightened as he moved to pull the trigger, but the heavy blade of a hunting knife got in the way first, slamming into Saleem's shoulder and the gun clattered to the ground.

Ziva swore under her breath, she had been aiming for his head, but with her weakness and lack of practice coupled with the fact she couldn't stop shaking had shook her aim off. Saleem looked, dazed, at his injured shoulder, the knife still in it. Slowly the pain brought him back to his senses; he began screaming orders in Arabic, advancing towards Ziva, ready to tear her apart. In return, on shaky legs, Ziva retreated to the back corner of the cell; this did little to stop Saleem. He slammed her head repetitively into the hard wall, choking her, pounding her gut. Kadin screamed her name and struggled furiously to get free, but was held down too firmly.

The torture only ended when Ziva eventually passed out, lying slumped on the ground, a battered and broken shell of a person. Kadin locked in the cell next door, weeping silently.

**Getting interesting isn't it?! Got my first few reviews soo YAAAAAAY! Please keep 'em coming!**


	6. Chapter 6

"Look Ziva I'm sorry I broke orders, or whatever you're pissed with me for, but I couldn't just let you die!" Kadin spoke with urgency, that of a man who didn't know how long he had. Ziva sat opposite him, tied to a chair, identical to the way Kadin was. Kadin noted how she didn't fight the restraints like he would've expected, she couldn't seem to keep eye contact either.

She looked at him briefly, "You broke direct orders, now you will die for it!" Her voice cracked, "I've had enough people die for me, I don't want any more."

Kadin went to reply but the door behind Ziva opened, Saleem walked in, followed by a muscular man, with a face that seemed void of any emotion. Saleem sat down, on a chair, directly between them, but so they could still clearly see each other. He was toying with a large knife, the same one that Ziva had hurled into his shoulder.

He looked at Ziva, "I should thank you, this knife had the name Aadan engraved on it. Guess who the only Aadan is in this camp?" He paused for Ziva to reply, she didn't, "Your friend! See isn't that lovely? A gift from your lover-"

"He's not my lover." Ziva snapped.

"He isn't? Could've fooled me. I had my suspicions about him anyway." A grin slide over his face, "We executed him earlier this morning for be a traitor," He searched Ziva's face for a reaction, but she had become an unreadable mask, unable to feel any proper emotions. He shrugged and turned to Kadin, "Now what do we do with you? I mean we could just execute you also, but I have a hunch that you hold some juicy information in that head of yours-"

"I won't tell you anything you scumbag," Kadin retorted, Ziva gave him a look, warning him against confrontation, Kadin ignored her, "On their way now is a specialised team of highly trained Mossad agents, here to kill you." Kadin smiled with confidence.

Saleem's eyes narrowed as he considered this, "You're lying, you told her you acted alone, but nice try." Saleem took the knife in his hand, flicking his thumb over the edge, jerking it away as a few drops of blood dripped out, "If you're wondering if you caused any damage, you're lucky, landed straight in flesh, if it was anything worse, let's just say what I'm about to do would be more painful." He strode over to Ziva cupping her chin in his hand; she sat there, broken into submission, "Now where to place this?" Saleem murmured to himself.

"Leave her alone! Your quarrel isn't with her!" Kadin yelled, pulling hard on the restraints, to no avail.

"My quarrel, as you put it, is with anyone who opposes me, know don't interrupt," Saleem pulled Ziva's shirt down past her left shoulder, the tip of the knife dancing over her skin, the same place where the knife had landed in him. Saleem slashed the blade again and again, tearing up the surface of her shoulder. At first Ziva hid the pain, until it became too great, creeping out of her every pore, she gave into it, a shrieking cry echoing through the room. With the room still full of her pain, Saleem took the knife away, dripping red. He turned to Kadin, allowing him to see his handiwork. Ziva lay slumped in the seat, head lolled forward, her hair cascading down, covering her face, blood seeping out of her shoulder, dripping off her hand to the floor, small whimpers came from her.

Kadin fought a battle within himself to attack Saleem, the only thing holding him back were the cable ties around his wrists. His jaw was clenched shut, every inch of him tensing. Saleem looked at him and laughed sadistically, he brought the knife down again dramatically, clearly enjoying himself, cutting the cable ties around Ziva's thin wrists.

"Get up," He commanded, in control. Ziva shakily stood and hobbled out of the door, her head still lowered, Saleem followed her. Kadin heard a door nearby slam shut. Saleem reappeared briefly.

"Amur," He spoke for the first time to the man in the corner, Kadin realised it was the man who held him down last night. "Break him." Saleem turned and left, a grin slide across Amur's face, as he casually strolled over to Kadin.

**Sorry this one took so long, I gotta 'study' for exams :p anyhow REVIEW! **


	7. Chapter 7

A rhythm was being pounded into Ziva's mind, a routine of pain. Either her own, or Kadin's, hearing his cries in the middle of the night, knowing it was soon to be her turn. She wasn't sure why they kept beating her, she was broken, they had drained all the information she had from her, yet they still took delight in draining any last drop of hope from her also. Even though she knew that metres away, through thick concrete walls one of her closest friend was being tortured, she felt no empathy or sorrow for him, all emotion had left her. She had become what she hated most, an empty shell of a person, a husk of skin and bones.

She was lying in the same spot she always did, in a shady spot of her cell, her back facing the door. Ziva kept expecting Aadan to walk in, to sneak her some extra food, a drop of water. A stab of grief hit her, deep where no blade could hurt her. She quietly under her breath murmured a last goodbye to her friend. The door opened and someone walked in. Ziva had to remind herself that Aadan was dead, it wasn't him.

"Just though I'd let you know, your friend broke, took him considerably less time than it took you. But then again you did set the record." Saleem's voice wafted down to Ziva, she had to process what he said several times before she understood it.

She ran her sandpaper tongue over her lips, "Why are you telling me this?"

Saleem gave a quick chuckle, "Just to let you know that no matter how many of your so called friends come to rescue you, there is no point, they are only going into their death," It seemed he had to let Ziva know he was in charge, even though she already knew it.

"So what will happen to him?"

"Once he has served his usefulness he will be executed," He replied simply.

Ziva fought to keep her facial expression neutral, "Why haven't I been executed then? I have told you all I know?" She dreaded the answer.

Saleem laughed, "You are the only woman in this camp." He turned and left.

Outside the sound of a convoy of jeeps pulling into the compound, brought Ziva's attention away from her predicament. Such a thing rarely happened, from what broken Arabic she could understand, they had brought with them two prisoners. She could hear a scuffle next door, followed by a gunshot, slowly, painfully she brought herself up onto one elbow, realising now that two people had died for her.

The wait that followed was far too long for Ziva's liking. Eventually Saleem smashed the door open, Ziva could tell whoever was next door had angered him greatly. He dragged her to her feet, pulling a black bag over her head. _"As if I was going to run off" _she scoffed. He practically carried her down the hall, leading her impatiently to a chair, seating her, she realised someone had bound her hands together at the wrists. She couldn't quite hear what was happening beyond the hood over her head.

"One of you… all known operatives… other will die…" The hood was lifted of her face; Ziva squinted in the harsh sunlight, the door slamming behind her. When the brightness faded she couldn't help letting a small gasp escape her mouth. Tony. He smiled at her, that smile that had haunted her nightmares and daydreams, her hallucinations.

"So, how was your summer?"

**Ok so I've decided to obviously just do this fanfic on the WHOLE Somalia events, pre and post **** AGAIN PLEASE REVIEW! Kinda hoping to get some soon. If ya like it, let other know bout it and all the blah dee blah. **


	8. Chapter 8

The next few hours went in a blur for Ziva; she could remember only fractions of what happened. Tony saying he loved her, them attempting to escape, to beat down Saleem and a bullet finally entering his skull. The echo of the gunshot sapped Ziva's energy, she couldn't walk on her own, and both McGee and Tony had to help her, much to her dislike and then Gibbs appearing, seemingly out of nowhere, his face softening when he saw Ziva, "Let's go home."

The drone of the plane's engines was too loud for much conversation, which suited Ziva just fine. She subconsciously fiddled with her long hair, finding it mattered she pulled it all over her right shoulder, dragging her fingers gently through it. She paused, feeling eyes on her, a painful memory of Saleem slicing a long gash along her back, from shoulder to shoulder. Ziva quickly readjusted her hair to cover it. Knowing she wouldn't sleep, no matter how exhausted she was, Ziva sighed loudly. Gibbs silently sat down next to her, even though she knew he would never hurt her she froze, tense. He leant over and whispered something in her ear; she felt a sense of peace fall over her. She began to pick at the scab forming over the deep wound on her shoulder, punishment for trying to protect Kadin, she paused expecting to feel a deep stab of something, guilt, sorrow, grief, but felt nothing.

Tony, who was sitting opposite her joked, "You know that'll scar if you do that." Gibbs shot him a look, Ziva seemed completely unaffected, staring straight ahead, yet looking at nothing she pulled up her sleeve, revealing skin, shattered like a broken mirror, littered with cigarette burns, slashed with knives. Tony shifted awkwardly in his seat, Gibbs gently rolled her sleeve down again, pulling Ziva close to him. She eventually dozed off. He motioned for Tony to come closer to him, to tell him something without having to raise his voice and startle Ziva. Tony sheepishly went over to him and received a slap on the back of his head.

Ziva's sleep didn't last long, soon her face became distorted, her fists clenched, white knuckles, muttering in Hebrew. Gibbs had already left to talk to the pilot, leaving McGee and Tony alone with her.

"You wake her!" Tony whispered.

Tim looked shocked, "No you wake her."

Tony cheekily grinned, "I'm pulling rank, and you wake her."

Tim glared at him, knowing rank always won got up and moved over to the sleeping Ziva, "Ziva, wake up," He tried this a few times, before shaking her gently on the shoulder. Ziva snapped awake, grabbing a hold of McGee, easily getting him in a headlock. Gibbs re-entered and took in what was happening, saw the true fear in Ziva's eyes, he also saw how the hold she was using made it very easy for her to snap McGee's neck, the only thing stopping her was her own lack of strength. He roughly pulled a struggling Ziva off McGee, holding her arms to her sides he attempted to calm her.

"Ziver, Ziver it's ok, you're safe." Slowly she realised where she was, realised what she had tried to do, she broke down, sliding into Gibb's arms muttering how sorry she was. Gibbs slowly rocked her back and forth, as he used to do when Kelly was hurt. Once she was finished crying she sat back down, glancing at McGee who was rubbing his neck painfully, she quickly looked away.

The intercom overhead told them to buckle in, they were coming into land. Ziva's shaking hands were no match for the seatbelt, frustrated she let Gibbs do it up for her.

"Gibbs can we not go to headquarters toady?" Ziva asked quietly, looking at the ground.

Gibbs sighed, "You don't know what pain Abby has been in without you. I'm not going to be the one to upset her." Ziva nodded dejectedly, but didn't say anything else. She actually didn't say anything the whole time, not when Abby hugged her so tight her cracked ribs felt like they were going to cave in, not when Ducky shook her hand gently, not when she saw another person's bag sitting next to her desk, she stood awkwardly by herself feeling many curious eyes boring into her.

"Gibbs can we go now?" She asked nervously, looking up from her daze to see he had left, probably to talk with Vance. She saw Tony glancing at her too many times than she liked, Abby, Palmer and Ducky had left also, McGee working furiously on his computer.

Tony nervously cleared his throat, "You can sit down you know Ziva." She shot him a look, before slowly walking; trying to hide that pain it caused and sat down, on Gibb's chair, far away from Tony. She could see a dark bruise forming on McGee's neck.

"S-sorry about, earlier McGee" She looked at him, actually looking someone in the eyes for the first time in months.

Tim shrugged, "It's ok, I just wish I could've seen it happen to Tony instead."

Tony gave him a look, "Oh yes McProbie would wish that wouldn't you?!"

Another awkward silence followed, Tony fought to break it, "I actually would've liked to see how Gibbs would've handled it, being in a headlock my a ninja, you know it's kinda like the movie-" He paused and turned around, Gibbs standing behind him, "Oh hey boss."

Gibbs rolled his eyes, motioning towards Ziva, "Let's go."

"W-where are we going?"

"My place," He didn't wait for a reply, "This isn't up for discussion."

**So Team Gibbs is finally home! READ AND REVIEW! **


	9. Chapter 9

Just as the elevator doors were shutting Tony zipped in-between them, grinning at Gibbs, meet only with a cold stare. He glanced and noted that he hadn't seen Ziva standing on her own yet, even now she was leaning against the elevator wall, a look of exhaustion on her face. Everything seemed awkward, the little smiles she made when she said she was fine, forced. He saw how slowly she walked to the car, obviously in pain, he quietly asked if she should go to the hospital, Gibbs just replied, "Tomorrow."

Once they got to Gibb's home he laid out a makeshift bed on the couch, threw a blanket at Tony and nodded towards a sofa nearby. He went upstairs briefly and came back with a large tee shirt and some shorts, he handed them to Ziva.

"The shower's second door to the left, do you want me to make you anything to eat or drink, a sandwich?"

Ziva shook her head, "I'm fine," She stated quietly and shuffled down the hall.

He turned to Tony, "You take first watch, leave the lamp over there on the whole night, when she has a nightmare, wake her, but hold her hands gently. Also the top she has will show some wounds. Do. Not. Stare," He ordered, walking off to his own room, "Wake me at midnight," He called over his shoulder.

Tony set himself up a small bed on the sofa, and turned to see Gibb's movie collection. He wasn't impressed and ended up putting on Thoroughbreds Don't Cry. Over an hour later Ziva appeared; hair wet, skin pink from being washed harshly, her dirty clothes in her left hand. She moved over towards the couch, grateful for the rug to cover her scars, scabs and sores.

"What day is it?" She asked softly.

"Uh Friday why?"

Ziva's face hinted a small smile, "It's kinda like our movie nights then."

Tony paused, "One moment," He got up and went into the kitchen, a few minutes later he came back with a large bowl of popcorn, "Now it's like our movie nights." He set the bowl down between them, dragging his chair against the couch, taking a big mouthful of popcorn. Ziva's skinny hands grabbed a few pieces, placing them slowly in her mouth.

"What movie's this?"

"1930's classic, Thoroughbreds Don't Cry with Mickey Rooney," He gushed out, clearly overjoyed to have another movie night with Ziva. Soon she had dozed off and Tony had finished the popcorn, he turned off the movie and settled down, waiting for her nightmares to come. It was nearly midnight when Tony was jerked awake by a startled cry escaping Ziva's dreams. She was writhing, her face puckered, fighting off invisible hands. Tony gently took a hold of her hands quietly said her name. She flashed awake, scaring him, and her alike, she fought for him to let go of her, eventually kneeing him in the chest, pushing him off her, winding him.

His gasps brought her back, "Tony, Tony I'm so sorry." Tears began to slide down her face, Gibbs opening the door, "Gibbs it was an accident, I j-just-," Ziva's voice faltered, Tony recovered his breath and stood up, wincing slightly.

"It's ok Ziver," Gibbs comforted, "You were meant to stay awake, and wake her up when it started!"

"Sorry boss, I must have dozed off I didn't mean to-"

"Just leave," Gibbs cut in, Tony sighed angrily stormed out the door. He turned back to Ziva, who was sitting on the couch, head in her hands. He sat next to her, reaching his arm around her small frame.

"Ziver it's ok to-"

"I could do with that sandwich now Gibbs," Ziva interrupted, breaking any attempt of her boss to calm her down. Gibbs sighed and got up, walking into the kitchen to make her something to eat. Ziva wiped her eyes, she leant over to the shirt she had worn in Somalia, sliding out the needle she had snatched from Saleem, it was meant to be used for injecting that dreaded truth serum. She fiddled with it for a moment, pricking her thumb on the end, whilst some blood trickled out she felt no pain. Gibbs came back with a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, setting the plate down he silently took the needle from her, noting the small cut on her thumb.

"Ziver I didn't risk not only my job, my life and the lives of my team to bring you back for you to go down that road," He commanded in a harsh voice, "Now eat." He added more gently.

Ziva sighed and took a sandwich, after having a bite she smiled slightly, "Peanut butter and jelly, you remembered."

"Of course I did."

Once Ziva started to fill her stomach, she realised how ravenous she was, she ate all the sandwiches in no time, eventually nearly the whole loaf of bread. She subconsciously reached for her necklace, only to find it not there, remembering where it was, what it meant for her, she began to tremble slightly. Gibbs saw what happened and figured what she was upset about.

"It's ok, I'll get you another one tomorrow."

Ziva looked at him, as though remembering he was there, she smiled, "Thanks."

Gibbs glanced at the time, seeing it was nearly two in the morning and knowing that she wasn't going to sleep any more tonight he asked, "Mind if I take you to the hospital now? I'm already overstepping the rules not taking you there straight away."

Ziva shrugged, "Sure, do you have any other clothes I could wear though? These kinda show too many…"

"Of course," He got up and came back with a simple pair of pants and a NIS hoodie. She slide the pants over the shorts, facing the other direction she pulled off the tee shirt, revealing her back that was covered with whip marks, long slashes from a knife, something in Arabic scratched into her lower back, she slipped the hoodie back over. Turning to face Gibbs she tried to read his reaction to what she knew he just saw. Biting her lip, slightly embarrassed, she paused, unsure of what do say.

"Let's go."

The next few hours was hard for Ziva, Gibbs could see that; she had to account for nearly every beating she got so they could categorise any possible injuries, she had to basically strip and show a nurse the scars, any slightly open wounds had to be disinfected but what Gibbs could tell was hardest was when a male doctor had to look at her ribs, after what men had done to her she was uncomfortable being touched by any man she didn't know. Whenever this particular doctor entered the room, Gibbs could feel the nervous energy radiating off Ziva, it didn't help that the doctor was Arabic and spoke with an accent that just seemed to deeper rattle her.

By five in the morning they had finished, she was lying on a hospital bed, wearing a paper thin robe they had made her wear, completely drained of what little energy she had. Gibbs had refused to leave her side, and handed her back the hoodie to put over the robe, knowing how she wanted to hide the scars. A nurse, a women thankfully entered, holding a small needle and a drip system.

"Miss Ziva David?" She asked, horribly miss-pronouncing her name, Ziva numbly nodded staring at the needle, "Your results have come back and you need to have a drip, to give you the nutrients you need badly." She spoke in a monotone voice, reciting something she had said many times.

"I don't want a needle," Ziva said simply, quietly.

"Yes well, what you want or don't want doesn't matter; it's what you need that does matter." She gave a fake smile and began to set up the drip, wiping the needle she took Ziva's left hand.

Ziva jerked it back, "I said I don't want a needle."

"W-well you are going to have one," The nurse replied.

Gibbs could see that this was one fight Ziva wouldn't allow herself to lose. He stood in-between them, looking at the nurse he asked as politely as he could, "Let me talk to her." The nurse smiled again and left the room. Gibbs turned to Ziva, "I know you don't want this Ziver, but you really do need it. I don't know what bad memories this provokes but you need to push past them."

Ziva sighed and took the needle in her hand, before Gibbs could stop her she slide it into a vein on top of her hand, she hooked it up herself to the drip bag, obviously knowing what she was doing, she glanced at Gibbs, "After the explosion I looked after Tali before she-"

"ZIVA!" A women wearing full goth clothing stormed in, her hair in pigtails a massive grin on her face.

**Movie Night Time! PS Disclaimer I don' t own Thoroughbreds Don't Cry or obviously Mickey Rooney. READ AND REVIEW!**


	10. Chapter 10

Ziva's lips curled upwards slightly as Abby stormed in, grinning from ear to ear. She loomed over Ziva, thanks to the black leather platform boots she was wearing. Gibbs silently turned and left his girls alone together. Ziva shifted awkwardly as Abby continued to beam at her, she kept looking at her Israeli friend as if she had to keep reminding herself she was actually there.

"I missed you," She said finally, when Ziva only smiled faintly as a reply she reached into her bag, "C'mon I know I put it in here," She searched the contents for a while before pulling out a small jewellery box. "Ahah! Found it! You see Gibbs told me that you lost your necklace so I went to this really nice place down Main Street that an old bowling buddy told me about. Anyway I looked for AGES before I found one just like your old one!" She handed the box gently to Ziva, noting how sudden movements seemed to frighten her.

Ziva smiled and under her breath said a quick thanks, opening the box with shaking hands she pulled out a small Star of David emblem on a gold chain. She held it close to her heart for a few moments. Fiddling with the clasp in frustration she found her shaking hands couldn't open it, she held it out to Abby.

"Could you?" Their hands brushed each other briefly and Abby was shocked to feel how cold they were.

"Oh yeah sure thing!" She chirped, easily opening it and holding it out, expecting Ziva to let her put it around her neck as she would've before, all this happened. Instead Ziva took it from her and wrapped it around her neck, working with the clasp for a good few minutes before finally doing it up. She smiled and slipped it under the hoodie she was wearing. She glanced at the clock and it occurred to her that she was having trouble judging time. Glancing around, desperate for anything talk about she asked the question she hoped would result in Abby talking for a long time.

"How have you been Abby?" She asked softly.

"It's been terrible Ziva without you! The team missed your kick-ass! In fact the moment where it really kicked in when I thought you weren't coming back was about two months ago when I had to translate some Hebrew and I kept thinking how much I missed you!" She paused trying to figure out Ziva's expression.

"S-so everyone thought I was dead." Ziva blankly stated, her voice lacking the emotion it used to have. Abby's smile left her face as she fought for the correct response.

"Well yeah Ziva, I mean you just like disappeared! We had to listen to all the movie references about missing people from Tony!" Abby exclaimed.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Ziva quietly responded.

Abby brushed off her apology, "Don't be! Well, don't worry about it, but you know there is one thing I really would like." She paused waiting for a response, realising that Ziva only replied when she had to. "I could do with a hug."

Ziva opened her mouth to protest, shutting it only when Abby leant in for the hug. She weakly wrapped her arms around Abby, wincing when the wounds on her back stung, hoping Abby wouldn't notice how much her ribs protruded. When Abby's arms encased her she felt that same feeling of claustrophobia creeping in, the feeling of being trapped, restrained. When Abby finally pulled away she forced a grin on her face, knowing how fake it looked.

Abby's phoned beeped and she exclaimed, "I gotta go! But I WILL see you soon!" With that she was gone. Ziva left fingering the pendant around her neck.

A nurse came in with a tray of food; roast beef and potatoes with gravy. Normally she would've loved a meal like this but it took only a few quick mouthfuls of it for the food to begin to reappear. The nurse tried to help her but Ziva couldn't handle her strange hands touching her broken skin so she stormed off to find a bathroom to empty her stomach. She was still connected to the drip, yanking it; it fell over, clattering to the ground, scaring Ziva greatly. She jerked the needle out of herself and pushed past the protesting nurse, locking herself in the first bathroom she found. She only just made it to the toilet before she began retching.

Eventually the security staff found her and led her back to her room, she fought them at first like a cornered animal. A nurse rushed in and managed to put a needle in her, then the fight left Ziva. She was helped back on to the bed, the drip stand still lying on the floor. Another nurse placed the needle back in her as Ziva sat there numbly. They left her alone, turning off the lights, locking the door.

_Back at NCIS Headquarters _

"What you mean you seriously haven't seen Ziva since we got back McScardy?" Tony angrily snapped at McGee.

McGee sighed, "I never know how to do these things Tony! And don't you dare compare this with Kate, that was something completely different."

"Oh no with Kate you were too afraid of dead people, this is entirely different, now it's being scared of seeing someone who you thought was dead! What, you afraid she's gonna snap your neck this time?!"

Gibbs hurriedly stormed out of MTAC, obviously peeved. "You ok boss?" Tim nervously asked.

"No I am not, Eli David just asked how is daughter is, he claims he had no idea where his own daughter was and is extremely worried about her." He yelled at McGee, venting his rage on to him.

Tony snorted, "So where is he?"

Gibbs turned and looked at Tony, "How the hell would I know?" His phone rang, "Yeah Gibbs, yes, what? Is anyone hurt?" Tim and Tony exchanged glances, "Ok I'll be there as soon as I can." He hung up and turned to his team's expectant faces. "There's been an accident at the hospital, Ziva's alright but she's sedated for now, I'm going there, you should all go home and get some rest." He grabbed his bag and left, followed by the ding of the elevator.

Gibbs stood passively over Ziva's sedated form. Even in forced slumber she didn't look peaceful, her face twitching nervously. He tenderly reached and slid a long curl out from on her face, behind her ear. He smiled when he saw the gold chain around her neck, obviously a gift from Abby. He left briefly and demanded that the nurses allow her to wake up, arguing that anyone with the nightmares she's facing should never have to be forced to stay in them, the nurses relented and unhooked her from the drug.

Slowly her eyes flittered open, Gibbs turned on the lights, hoping that the brightness would wake her up quick enough so she would forget she was safe. It didn't work. Her body jerked awake, seeing a man standing over she struck, the only place she knew would really hurt. Gibbs crumpled over, clutching between his legs in pain. Ziva paused her attack when he didn't retaliate, which was so unlike Saleem's men, realising who she had just hit she gasped.

"Gibbs I'm so sorry, I thought you were-" She began.

"It's ok Ziver, you didn't mean it," Gibbs straightened up and smiled at her warmly. Gibbs pretended not to notice how close his team mate was to crying, knowing how much she hated to be seen as weak.

"No it's not alright, you guy have to stop coming to see me, one day I'll seriously hurt one of you," She paused, flustered, "I mean the only thing stopping me from killing McGee was my own lack of strength!" She sat up, cross-legged on the bed, her hair falling over her face, covering her tears.

Gibbs gently sat down next to her, slowly brushing her hair off her face, "No the only thing stopping you was this," He placed a finger on Ziva's heart, ignoring the way she froze when he did so, "You are strong Ziva, strong enough to get out of there alive, strong enough not to give into their ways, to let your own pain swallow you up, until not even a shred of the old you was still there."

Ziva smiled, properly, almost like her old self, "See? There you are" Gibbs gently added.


	11. Chapter 11

It was the middle of the night when Tony woke up, his cell phone buzzing with an incoming call. He slowly picked it up and answered it.

"Yeah you got Tony."

"Tony, it's me." The sound of a soft female voice brought Tony's attention, normally only his 'special' female friends phoned him at night but he immediately realised it was Ziva on the other end of the line.

"Ziva! What's wrong, are you alright?" Tony asked, wide awake now.

Tony heard a chesty cough on the other end, a product of broken ribs, "Yeah I'm fine, I just can't sleep."

"Well that's what the night is for, that's what I was kinda doing," Tony snapped, immediately knowing he had stuffed up.

There was an awkward pause before a click; Ziva had hung up. Tony swore at himself under his breath. Sitting on the edge of his bed he mulled over his options, eventually getting up, wincing at his still sore chest. He put on some simple clothes and drove to the hospital.

Tony was led down a dimly lit hall to Ziva's room, giving a questioning look to the nurse when she unlocked the door. "She ran off," The nurse stated simply. The lights were off in her room but Tony could still see Ziva's disheveled form hunched over on the bed, her eyes wide. He walked slowly over to the bed, unsure of how to act.

Tony began to greet her but Ziva cut in, "Is the door locked?"

The question took Tony by surprise, "Uh no, not any more, why?"

Ziva ran her thin hands through her hair, pulling it off her face, "Can you turn the lights on? The switch the outside the door on the left," Tony turned on his heels and walked as casually as he could to the door, finding the switch the lights slowly flickered on, illuminating the dark circles under Ziva's eyes.

"Better?" Tony asked, his query met only with a ghost smile. He approached the bed slowly, knowing how jumpy she was. He perched on the end of the bed, as far from her as he could. "Ziva, what's wrong?" He knew how pig-headed he sounded after all she had been through but he couldn't think of anything else to say.

Her brown eyes wouldn't meet his, "Nothing, I just couldn't sleep."

Tony sighed, "Look, I know you've been through hell but you can't bottle it all up. You phoned me, you want to talk, so talk."

Ziva tensed slightly as his voice rose, "I-I just can't be in the dark alone," This statement opened her up a little, "I can't stay here, all these people insisting on jabbing me with things, touching me, dressing the cuts," She forced herself to calm down, to appear like she was sane, even partially, "I don't need to be here, I can't be here!"

Tony paused thinking for other options, "You've got two places where you can stay, mine or Gibbs, but I'll tell you one thing, mine has better movies," He smiled, attempting to lighten the mood.

Ziva bit her lip nervously, "Who's closest?"

"Me," He knew that was the answer she would now choose, he walked over to check that no one was around, before holding out his hand to Ziva, "Shall we?" Pretending not to notice when she slid off the bed on her own, cleaning pulling the drip out of her, she dragged the top blanket off the bed, wrapping it around her, aware her lower calves were visible. Tony subconsciously put his hand on the small of her back.

Ziva froze, shaking her head slightly, "Please Tony, don't," The hand was quickly dropped.

The car ride back was silent, as was the first ten minutes in Tony's apartment, broken only with his weak attempts to get Ziva to talk. He pulled some blankets out and put them over his couch, moving to the kitchen and taking out some chocolate biscuits, putting one in his mouth.

He offered Ziva the packet, "Want one?" She gingerly took a single biscuit in her hand, taking a few bites she soon found her hand empty. Swaying slightly, she steadied herself against the wall.

"Ok so you can have my bed, I'll take the couch, and don't argue, I spend enough time watching movies on my couch, and it's practically my second bed. You know where it all is." He turned around and saw he was alone, "Ziva?" He called nervously, hearing gagging noises coming from the bathroom he rushed down the hallway. The door was open, Ziva leaning over the toilet emptying her stomach, she glanced up at him, her eyes portraying how miserable she was.

Unsure of how to act Tony slowly walked over to her crouched form, without thinking he pulled her hair back off her face. Ziva jerked back, away from him, "Tony please, I can't do any of that, just go to bed." Tony dejectedly turned and left, glancing back at his former partner. He sat on the couch, waiting to hear the bathroom door open, for him to know it was over. It took longer than he thought it should've but eventually the door quietly opened, he called over his shoulder, not able to face her pained expression again, "There's some spare clothes you can sleep in if you like on the bed." There was a pause, then the bedroom door closed.

Ziva was relieved to peel off the hospital dress, to slip on some sweat pants, she held both the tops; Gibb's hoodie or a Varsity tee shirt, she chose the hoodie. Gingerly she pulled back the covers, pulling them protectively over her she mulled over the last few days. Eventually sleep entered her, she could do little to fight it.

Tony for the second time that night jerked awake. Harsh cries were coming from next door, he got up and tapped on the door, "Ziva? You alright?" He opened the door and immediately wished the light wasn't already on. Ziva was tossing and turning, her face distorted, white knuckles were gripping the sheets, a sheen of sweet on her furrow, the covers had wrapped around her, only serving to further confine her, small desperate cries left her mouth. Tony moved towards her calling her name trying to wake her, to no success. He gently shrugged her shoulder, again no response, he knew he would have to shake her awake. Acknowledging this would probably result in him getting injured he positioned himself so when she woke, he could easily hold her arms to her sides. He began to roughly shake Ziva awake.

There was a moment between her waking where Ziva was not Ziva, she was a wild animal, bent on being free, Tony had to grip her tight to stop her injuring both him and her. She tried to writhe out of his grasp, clawing at his arms. Suddenly Ziva was back and the shot upright, gasping, trembling, hands running through her hair, convincing herself it was just a dream. Something tugged at Tony, he knew it probably wasn't a dream, he pushed the thought away. During the struggle the NIS hoodie had slipped off her shoulder, exposing a deep wound on her shoulder, the scab had peeled off, blood trickling down her criss-crossed skin.

"Uh Ziva, your shoulder's bleeding," He stated.

Her hand rushed to the gash, the fingers coming away red. "It's fine." She said quietly.

"No it's not, I'm serious here, follow me, I'll get the first aid kit." He got up and left, Ziva numbly followed. He searched through his draws, motioning for Ziva to sit on the couch. He found it and pulled out some bandages, he grabbed some scissors and walked over, sitting behind her.

"Tony I can't handle that, let me do it," She began her voice soft yet serious.

"Ziva I know you don't feel comfortable, neither do I, but trust me, I got a B in first aid at school." He nervously tugged at the collar of the hoodie, pulling it down over the wound. Ziva automatically pulled it back, "Don't or it's back to hospitals," Tony warned, pulling the hoodie back down. It stayed there. He tenderly brushed a soothing ointment over the broken skin, noting how still Ziva was, he could see her reflection from the mirror, she had her hands clasped around her necklace, eyes squeezed shut, forcing her breathing to stay even. He acted as though he hadn't seen it, carefully wrapping the bandages around her shoulder. He pulled out the scissors, the blades hovering over the loose end. Ziva was suddenly deadly alert, she spun around, seizing the scissors in her hand, Tony let go, seeing no point in fighting her. Ziva eyed him curiously, convincing herself that his intentions her pure, she arched her back, stretching and cutting the bandage herself, applying some tape to hold it in place. She handed the scissors back, ashamed for him to see how little trust she had left.

The phone rang and Tony got up to answer it, "Yeah DiNozzo, what? Calm down boss she's here. Yeah she phoned me I went to the hospital and here we are. Uh no I didn't ask, c'mon boss she couldn't be there!" He glanced at Ziva who was still on the couch, listening to every word. "What? Well fine, yeah ok I'll take her with me to work tomorrow, just get rid of her, we don't need five agents anymore! Yes ok, bye." He sighed and hung up and looked over to Ziva.

"Five agents?" She asked weakly.

"Well minus you we were kinda short of people so a Probie came along, that was her bag at your desk the other day." He glanced at the clock, it was 4:30. He sighed again, obviously tired.

"Do you think I was dead Tony?" She asked absentmindedly.

"Honestly I did, I mean I hoped not but my guess was that I wouldn't be seeing you again." He tried to catch her eyes, but they remained fixed on her fiddling hands, "Ziva," She glanced up, "It nearly killed me."


	12. Chapter 12

Ziva sat on the couch next to Tony, he sat casually on one end, she was as far as she could without making it obvious to the other end. He had put on a movie for them to watch, seeing as it was 0500 in the morning, too early for work, too late for rest. They were watching a Disney movie, whilst he acted like he just chose the first one he could think of he actually put a lot of thought into it, picking one without villains, scary scenes of surprises. He kept glancing at Ziva, assuring himself she was there, he could tell she was upset, he couldn't tell if it was about earlier, her dream, whatever happened at the hospital or the whole thing. He suspected it was a bit of everything, she was fiddling absentmindedly with her hair, twirling it between her fingers.

Something about them felt wrong, Ziva knew that he was being nice, that he actually just wanted to go to bed, that she used to love movie nights with him, but it just felt off for some reason. She didn't expect that it would be this hard to sit near the man whom, like it or not, she had feelings for. She couldn't even name what she felt, but she knew it was something special.

"You can go to bed in the other room if you want Tony, I can tell you are tired," She said gently.

He stifled a yawn, trying to appear alert, "I'm fine, I actually really like this movie, besides I only missed one night sleep there, compared to what you missed it wouldn't feel right to be tired," As soon as he mentioned Somalia he knew he shouldn't have. It kept slipping out; he just didn't know what to say. Ziva's eyes fell when he hinted towards the last months, her shoulders sagging, weighed down by the memories. Tony turned back to the film, hoping to distract himself and for the sun to rise quicker.

_NCIS Headquarters 0800 Hours_

They arrived late to work, after Tony left to get Ziva some new clothes, simple grey pants and a button up shirt, when she had dozed off at around 0600, he knew that sleep would come hard to her for a while and didn't want to wake her. Tim was at his desk, fingers a blur on the keyboard. He glanced up when the pair walked in, pretending to not be surprised when Ziva entered.

"Uh morning Ziva."

"Good morning Tim," she replied softly, going to her desk she paused before she sat, "Is this being used?"

Tim looked up, "That? Nah Michelle left earlier this morning, all yours," he added warmly, she nodded slightly and sat down, unsure of what to do.

"David," Ziva jumped as Director Vance called her name loudly from the upstairs balcony, "You're with me," Ziva remained where she was, looking up at him nervously, "That's an order." He turned and left, going to his office. Ziva paused for a few moments, before slowly getting up and walking past Tony's desk, he grabbed the cuff of her shirt. She jerked her arm away, giving him a hard look.

"Calm down, I'm just wishing you good luck," He blurted out, upset with her pulling away. He watched as Ziva tiredly climbed the stairs to Vance's office, until she was out of sight.

When Ziva opened his door, she wasn't sure what to expect, she wasn't expecting to see Gibbs sitting opposite her, watching her trying to judge her next move, Vance stood, as imposing as ever, behind his desk. An empty chair lay between them, she paused before sliding down into it, whilst she would never admit it the small amount of walking she had done today had left her with aching legs. She ran her right hand finger up and down her left hand, along a scar, the oldest of them all.

"David we're talking today-" Vance began.

"What so we don't talk other days director?" Ziva snapped.

He sighed and glanced at Gibbs, who just shrugged, Vance took a deep breath and continued, "We talk to you, you don't talk back," He paused and noticed what Ziva was running her finger along, attempting a gentler approach he tried again. "Look Ziva, you know full well that once your brief stay at hospital is over-"

"It is over director." Ziva cut in again, Gibbs smirked at her remarks.

"Yes well then it is important you find a place to stay. Temporary residence is fine, but there just needs to be a place for you to stay until we get you sorted with an apartment." Ziva didn't reply, used to remaining silent.

Gibbs coughed quietly, "I've asked around; your options are my place, Abby's, Tony's or the director's," He paused allowing Ziva to take that in.

Ziva concentrated; Tony's place would be too awkward, plus she didn't want to be around any man for that long. Gibb's was different but she may die from boredom there, she also knew that he didn't have a spare bedroom and didn't want to have to put him out of his bed again. Vance's place would be full of children that didn't know boundaries or what not to touch. She sighed, knowing that that left Abby.

"Abby I guess," She eventually said. Glancing up at them she realised she had been thinking about it for much longer than she had originally thought. She waited for them to say something else.

It was Vance who took charge and gave her final orders, "At some stage you are going to have to tell someone what happened," She opened her mouth to object but he kept talking not allowing her to interrupt, "There are some world class shrinks here Ziva, please use them." She got up and turned to leave, nearly made it to the door before he added, "Oh and Ziva, I'm going to need you to hand in your guns and other weapons," She slowly shook her head, "Department policy, you have to pass your physiological evaluation before you can get them back. I'll be down soon to get them." Ziva stormed out, slamming the door behind her.

The boys could tell as soon as she sat down her meeting with Vance didn't go well. The exchanged glances, Tony always being the bolder one asked, "So how was it in the lion's den Zee-Vah?"

She didn't look up but angrily answered, "They are confiscating my weapons until I pass a physiological evaluation." She opened her top draw, pulling out her gun, following that was three knifes, she picked one up and slid it into her boot, detaching one from the bottom of her desk to fill its place. She pushed them to the corner of her desk.

She didn't look at Vance as he walked by and picked each one up, slipping them into a small bag, strolling off with them. The day, whilst still young had been tiring for Ziva compared to the months she spent barely moving, Gibbs soon appeared, noting how exhausted she looked he told her to go home. She gave him an unimpressed look.

"Go tell Abby I say to go home, we won't be needing either of you today." She slowly got up and made her way to the lab.

Abby had her loud music on, rocking back and forth to the beat, tapping furiously on her computer. Ziva stood in the door way, unsure of how to proceed. Unexpectedly Abby spun around, noticing Ziva and beaming at her. She skipped forward and wrapped her arms around Ziva, acting like she didn't notice that Ziva held her arms against her chest, not even attempting to hug her back

Finally she backed off, "Well, flatmate, let's go home shall we?!" She turned back to her computer, picking up a small remote, pushing a button all the lights dimmed and her machines turned off, she picked up her bag and Bert strolling out the door she called over her shoulder, "Follow me!" Ziva did so, like a lost sheep.


	13. Chapter 13

Ziva pretended not to notice when Gibbs phoned Abby, obviously to try and give some advice on how to act around her. She also pretended not to absolutely hate the music that was playing on the car ride to Abby's, how it reminded her of death, the death she intended to have soon. She tried to not show how much she loved being able to hug Bert as hard as she could, pressing all her demons into him and how unaffected he was from it. She carried with her a few belongings, some spare clothes, pyjamas, some bits and bobs salvaged from her apartment before it was blown up. Abby guided the way through her home, a place Ziva could only describe as Halloween.

Her room, thankfully seemed plain and normal enough, none of the furniture would create shadows that could morph into demons in the night. She dumped her stuff at the end of the bed, resisting the urge to pick at the scabs that were forming on her broken skin.

"So… shower's third door on the right, one along from the toilet, kitchen's down the other end, help yourself to the food." Abby paused to allow Ziva to take in the new information, "I'm about to put on The Lion King, wanna join me?"

"I'd love to Abby," Ziva followed Abby to the lounge, sitting down on one of the couches, finding it very comfortable she found herself slipping down further than she meant to. Soon her eyelids were beginning to get heavy, she dozed off, only to be woken by sobbing. Abby was wiping her eyes, smearing her makeup everywhere, "Run Mufasa run!" She was yelling at the television. Ziva decided it was time for her to go to sleep.

"Abby I'm going to bed now," She paused waiting for Abby to notice her, but she was too caught up in the film and didn't even flick her eyes away from the screen for a split second as Ziva got up and left.

As she lay on the bed, stroking tenderly the soft blanket that was draped over her, in her head promising herself that there would be no dreams tonight. That she wouldn't wake Abby, she knew all too well that everything that was happening here would soon be spread quickly around the office, so maybe Abby wasn't the best person to stay with.

Her mind crossed over, like it always did, to Tony. She was feeling very guilty over how she had treated him, he had risked his life for her and she had repaid him with hatred. No one would ever know but she had his fight with Michael on tape. She had a camera installed a few months before the fight when someone snuck in and stole some of her belongings. She had replayed the fight hundreds of times, finding no fault at all in Tony's reaction, and how he acted.

Ziva nearly made it through the night without any nightmares, only for at around 0500 to be jerked awake from her terrors. She had been back in Somalia, Tony instead of her was strapped to the chair, blood pouring from fresh wounds that littered across his skin. Michael instead of Saleem was standing over him, the knife in his hand dripping red. Ziva kept calling his name, trying to get his attention, trying to slip him the needle she had kept with her the whole time, to free himself. But he wouldn't acknowledge she was there. Eventually she swiped at him, to make him look, the violent movement waking her.

She knew as soon as she woke she had been screaming, waiting for Abby to rush in and comfort her she paused, remembering how she slept in a coffin, probably blocking out any noises from entering. Glancing at the time she knew it would be pointless to try and sleep, Ziva silently slipped out of bed, got changed and left a note for Abby '_Gone to NCIS Gym, see you later today'_.

Ziva put her all into her run that morning, exerting her monsters, running nearly full speed that whole time. After nearly two miles her legs were aching, her lungs as dry as Somalia, she was shaking slightly, knowing she was exhausted she got off, turning around and nearly knocking flat into Gibbs. She jumped startled, he just seemed slightly amused.

"Uh Gibbs, hi." She said nervously.

"Hey Ziva, why are you here so early?" He looked her up and down, noting how she was dripping with sweat, yet still had all of her skin covered, the dark bags under her eyes.

She shrugged, the new her that had come back talked less, much less. Knowing Gibbs wouldn't leave until she answered she finally replied, "Couldn't sleep."

He nodded his head, understandably, "Look we have a new case, a Marine's wife has been kidnapped, we believe she is going to be sold into sex slavery. I know you're not sworn into duty again or anything, but you can still do photocopying, computer research and all that, just no field duty." She tilted her chin slightly, Gibbs took that as a yes, "This case may be hard for you, if you want out at any time you tell me, understood?" His eyes were serious.

"Ok," Ziva picked up her bag, brushing past him, "I need to shower." Gibbs let her go. As she left he sighed, knowing that no matter what Ziva said, she was far from fine.

**The road to recovery begins! Just beware the next few chapters might have a bit of bad language, adult content and slight violence. Not certain but just being careful! READ AND REVIEW! Big ups to my reviewers: ouhoh, Zivatjl12 and a guest… C'mon guys! Shout out for my reviewers!**

**-Fat Freddy xx**


	14. Chapter 14

Ziva managed to spend about two hours at her computer; checking addresses, car number plates, phone records, bank statements and employment records before her head began to hurt. She leaned back on her chair and stretched, not looking at Tony who had been staring for some time. Finally Ziva darted her brown eyes to his, watching as he flicked his away.

She sighed loudly, "What Tony?"

He glanced up from his screen, acting as though he was working hard, "Nothing Ziva, I'm just working, aren't I McStudious?" He dramatically turned towards Tim.

Not looking away from his computer McGee replied, "Stop being a pain Tony, why do you always have to-"

"Grab your gear, we're of," Gibbs wheeled through the desks, Tony and McGee snatched their stuff and headed out the door, leaving Ziva sitting alone in the squad room. She sighed, knowing how Gibbs was only getting her to do these small jobs to make her feel needed. Even though it was a kind gesture, it annoyed Ziva slightly. Knowing she wouldn't be able to stand sitting around and doing nothing for the next few hours, she had done enough of that for months, she got up, gathered her stuff and walked to Gibb's place. I was quite far away but Ziva was determined to do it, she had something she needed to do there.

Strolling up to the door she hesitantly attempted to open it, smiling to herself when the door opened easily. Gibbs still didn't lock his doors. She quietly scanned the lounge, seeing the clothes she had worn in Somalia she went over and picked them up. Startling memories flashed across her mind, she brought the shirt to her nose, inhaling the dust and bloody scent. For some time Ziva just stood there, letting the images wash over her. Snapping her eyes open, shutting off the memories, she turned and exited, carrying with her the clothing. Ziva had dug around and managed to find some loose change to pay for bus fair, taking her to the quiet side of town, where she wandered around aimlessly for a while, before sitting down on a park bench and giving her wearily legs a rest. The cool breeze wafted around her, golden leaves rustled past her, Ziva felt truly at peace for the first time in months. Her eyes closed she allowed herself to warm her face in the autumn sun's rays.

"Hey!" A harsh child's voice broke Ziva out of her daze, she glanced down beside her to a young girl probably aged seven. She had her wavy blond hair in small pigtails, a style only she could have done, she was wearing a pink jacket and floral jeans, a homemade necklace around her neck, her small face scrunched up, green eyes angry.

Attempting to calm her down Ziva smiled, "What's wrong?"

She stomped her dark red boots, "You're sitting on Harold!" Ziva looked around, no one was near.

"Who's Harold?"

She sighed as if it was the most obvious thing ever, "My best friend, Harold the giraffe! He just got back from Africa and was taking a nap on this bench when you sat on him!"

Ziva put two and two together and realised Harold must have been her imaginary friend, she smiled at the innocence of it, and quickly got up from the bench, allowing 'Harold' to move, "Is that better? I'm sorry Harold!"

The girl put out her hand and helped her friend get up, "He says it's ok, you must not have noticed him, I'm Lucy by they way, who are you?"

"I'm Ziva."

"Zeeeee-vaaaaah," She dragged her name out,"I like that name," She paused, quickly taking Ziva's hand in her's, the other one holding 'Harold's', "Follow me, I want to show you something special." Ziva smiled and walked over with Lucy to a huge acorn tree, beneath was a patch of daises. Lucy sat down cross-legged, patting the ground, indicating for Ziva to do the same. She sniffed and looked around, "This is my place, it's where I come to play, the squirrels are very friendly and there are lots of flowers to make daisy chains, plus Harold likes to eat the acorn leaves," She pulled over a small bag, with Minnie Mouse on the front, she took out a packet of chocolate biscuits, handing one to Ziva, another to Harold.

"I have never made daisy chains Lucy, will you teach me?" Ziva knew it would be hard to explain if her parents showed up, but the girl's innocence was infectious.

"Sure thing, but you have to listen real good, Harold taught me, so I guess I can teach you" She slowly began to demonstrate how to weave the daises into whatever sized circle you wanted, soon Ziva was covered; crowns, necklaces and bracelets, she had even managed to impress Lucy with a ring. For how long they sat there, Ziva didn't know, but she was sure she was the happiest she had been for months, without meaning to she glanced at the time, finding it late in the afternoon, she knew she had to leave soon.

"I've had so much fun today Lucy, but I have to leave now," Lucy looked up from her flowers; a crown for Harold.

"Bur you can't leave!"

Ziva smiled, "I have to go to work Lucy, are you ok here by yourself?"

Lucy ignored her question, "Where do you work?"

"NCIS, it's like the police for the Marines, "She explained.

Lucy smiled broadly, "My Dad's a Marine, he is living overseas now."

"Oh, you must miss him," She nodded, "Now are you ok here by yourself?"

"Yeah, I live over the road, besides I have Harold here so I'm not alone really." She smiled up at her friend.

Ah yes of course, by the way I'm sorry for sitting on you Harold," she stood up and brushed the bits of grass off her pants, Lucy quickly listening to the reply from her friend.

"He forgives you," Ziva smiled and turned around to leave, picking up the shirt she had brought, she wasn't even sure why she had it with her.

"Bye Lucy and Harold."

"Bye-bye Zeeeeeee-vaaaaaaah," She sweetly waved her hand and turned back to her daisy chains. Ziva smiled and walked down the street to the bus stop, down a alley a homeless woman had lit a fire in a old steel bin. Ziva glanced down the road, to see if the bus was coming, she quickly walked down the alley way, throwing the shirt in the flames, not even staying to watch it burn. She went back and soon boarded the bus back to NCIS.

"Where have you been? I've had photocopying that needed to be done!" Tony asked as soon was she walked in.

Making her way to her desk Ziva replied, "I went to the park for lunch," Quickly tucking the daisy chain around her thin wrist up her sleeve.

Tony unfortunately noticed immediately, "What's that Zee-vah?" Indicating towards her wrist.

"Nothing Tony, please leave it alone," She turned to Gibbs, "Where is Abby?"

"Gone home, I'll drop you off, you're done for the day" He gave Ziva a look to not object. She shrugged and picked up her bag, walking with Gibbs to the elevator. For a few seconds they stood there in silence, before Gibbs stalled the elevator. Turning to Ziva, "Where were you today? We go out for half an hour, come back and you're gone, phone left in your desk."

"I went to the park-" Ziva began.

"You don't go to the park, not for two hours," Gibbs cut in, "Now where were you?"

Ziva sighed audibly, "I took a bus to a quiet part of town, I don't really know why, once there I met a young girl called Lucy who had a imaginary friend called Harold. She taught me how to make easy chains," She lifted up her sleeve showing the chain, Gibbs pretended not to notice the lines on the skin underneath. "I lost track of time I guess."

The answer seemed believable enough to Gibbs so he pressed the button, bringing the elevator back to life. They got in the Marine's car before he asked, "Do you want to stay at my place tonight, I can tell you won't be up to Abby's talking," He paused as she nodded, "She'll understand." To her surprise they ended up driving the long way home, past the park where she had spent the afternoon. They pulled up to a small coffee stand, she glanced at Gibbs for a explanation.

"Once you try their coffee you'll know why." He smiled, Ziva sat back on the car seat looking across the park for her small friend, she spotted her easily, she was skipping down a pathway towards a apartment building over the road. A car swung past quickly, out of no where shots were fired. She jumped out of the car, her agent instincts kicking in, looking around for victims. Seeing a small girl lying face down on the pavement, blood seeping out of holes in her back Ziva sunk to her knees.

"No."


	15. Chapter 15

It didn't take long for Gibbs to realise this was the girl who Ziva had met at the park. The way she had bolted towards her crumpled form, swarming over her, the laughter through her tears when she was told Lucy would live. Ziva asked Gibbs who would have jurisdiction over the case, mentioning her father was a Marine stationed overseas, Gibbs smiled, stating he would make sure it was them. Ziva smiled back, then went back over to the ambulance, where Lucy was being monitored, before she was to be taken to hospital. Gibbs phoned Tony and McGee and they were on their way, he decided that since Lucy had woken up he needed to find out where her mother was; he was surprised she wasn't already at her daughter's side. Hearing a chirpy conversation had started between the girl and Ziva he walked over to the ambulance.

"Hi there, I'm Leroy Gibbs, I work with Ziva, how are you feeling?" He glanced at Ziva when she did nothing but glare at him.

"You need to move; you're standing on Harold's foot," She stated angrily.

Gibbs quickly moved to the left, "I'm sorry Harold. Better?"

"Better."

Gibbs tried again, "How are you feeling?"

"My back hurts, my arm is all tingly, like pins and needles," She held up her left arm to elaborate. Gibbs shifted out of the way to allow a medic to give the girl a oxygen tube on her nose.

"Now Lucy, I need to know, where is your mother?"

Her green eyes welled up with tears, "She's gone, no one will tell me where she is but Harold told me she has been kidnapped."

Gibb's eyes widened, "Lucy what's your last name?"

She sniffed, "Watts, why?"

"No reason, it's just my favourite name, Lucy Watts," He smiled at her, motioning for Ziva to follow him, he walked out of earshot.

"What's wrong?" Ziva asked.

"Claudia Watts is the name of the Marine's wife who has been kidnapped, her husband Alan Watts is stationed in Afghanistan. Who has she been staying with?"

Ziva's eyes widen at the new information, "I'll go ask her." She went back to Lucy just as Tony and McGee parked across the road. They approached Gibbs and soon were up to date with the case.

Tony glanced to Ziva, who was sitting next to Lucy, a actual smile on her face, "Have they already met?"

"Long story DiNozzo, don't ask. I need you two to find out about who the shooters were, you know what to do." He looked up as the ambulance engine turned on, Lucy waving weakly at Ziva.

A few hours later they were back at head quarters, going through the information they had.

Gibbs walked back from his meeting with Vance, "What have we got?"

DiNozzo stood up from behind his desk, flicking the screen on, showing a ID photo for Alan Watts, next to his wife's. "Sargent Alan Watts; clean record, from a small town in Ohio before moving to DC ten years ago to marry Claudia, three years later they had Lucy. In fact the whole family seems pretty much your all American family."

"Except the wife got kidnapped and the daughter get's shot." Gibbs muttered.

McGee chipped in, "We've got no leads with the shooting but we have found this in relation to Claudia's disappearance. A mug shot of a Asian man, covered with tattoos and scars, a dirty beard was beginning to grow below cold, hard eyes.

"This is Duke Chow, arrested two years ago for drug possession, prostitution and assault, and guess who was his girlfriend in high school?"

"Claudia." Gibbs stated.

Tim continued, "Yup, things got ugly when they broke up, Claudia had a restraining order put on Duke, but said later she had seen him around, stalking her. I talked to a guy in the FBI and he said they had been investigating him in regards to a human trafficking ring."

"Where is he?"

"Now that I don't know."

"Well find out," Gibbs said seriously.

Ziva who had been silent up till now asked quietly, "Shouldn't we be informing Sargent Watts about his families' situation?"

"He is out on a training exercise and will be out of contact for three weeks."

Ziva stood up, "I'm going to go see Lucy." No one said anything when she left.

Gibbs watched as the elevator door closed, "You two will work through the night, I want to know who is trying to tear apart this family.

**I'm getting a few more reviews which is great! Big ups to ladyd10 for that GREAT review I got! I must admit I have loosely based on the character Rosie, from We Brought A Zoo, but obviously I don't own her as a character or anything like that!**


	16. Chapter 16

Ziva wasn't sure why she felt such a strong connection to Lucy. The whole bus ride in to the hospital she kept mulling over the question, in the end the only semi-reasonable one she could think of was that she had missed out on most of a childhood, she was enjoying almost getting to have one again with the young girl. Even if only seven years into her life her mother was kidnapped and she had been shot at. Even Ziva couldn't say worse.

When she got out of the bus she realised that it was nearly dark, a look at her watch confirmed it; 1945 hours. Only once she entered the hospital did that claustrophobic, clammy feeling wash over her. Ziva's mind going back to her time spent there after she got back from Somalia. She paused, leaning against a wall for support, to calm herself down, once her breathing was once again normal she went to the receptionist.

"Hi I'm here to see Lucy Watts." She said to a smiling, slightly overweight nurse.

"Are you family? That patient is off limits." The nurse replied, barely looking up from her computer.

Ziva paused, she wasn't technically an agent anymore, "I'm with NCIS," she stammered out.

The nurse chewed her gum twice before finally looking away from her screen, "Badge?"

Ziva drew a deep breath, trying to think of a way to get to see her, "I-"

"That won't be necessary ma'am, she's with me," Tony was standing behind Ziva, and held up his badge to the nurse, who smiled sexually at him.

"Follow me then, " She said with a wink, leading them down a series of halls and corridors, unlocking one of the doors, "Be careful, I think she's sleeping," She turned and walked off.

"Tony what are you doing here?!" Ziva harshly whispered.

Tony shrugged, "What are you doing here? You barely know this girl!"

"Yeah well I know her well enough, she's alone right now and I'm just about all she's got!" Ziva replied quickly, her voice louder than she meant it to be, inside they could hear Lucy waking up.

"Ziva? Is that you?" She called weakly through the door, Ziva shot Tony a glare and walked in.

"Yeah, I just wanted to see how you're doing," She quickly pulled off the daisy chain, now slightly withered, from her wrist, handing to Lucy.

"Thanks, it doesn't fit me, but it will fit Harold mighty fine, "She gushed out, glancing at Tony, "Who's that?"

Tony stepped forward, "I am very special agent Tony DiNozzo, and dear I say you remind me of someone?"

She smiled, "Who?"

"Rosie, you know off We Brought a Zoo, you know the one; directed by Cameron Crowe, about a single Dad who moves his two kids to a failing zoo?"

"I love that movie, I have the same slippers as Rosie," She giggled, Ziva then remembered how good Tony was with kids. Lucy yawned, "I'm sleepy will you tell me a story?"

Tony paused, "One moment," He rushed out of the room, Ziva shrugged her shoulders at Lucy, she was as confused as the young girl was. A few minutes later he reappeared, carrying with him a book from the waiting room.

"I never thought I'd see the day, Tony reading," Ziva muttered.

Tony ignored her, and perched on a chair sitting near the bed, he dramatically cleared his throat, "I've always wanted to do this!" Ziva then saw the book 'The Princess Bride'. "The Princess Bride, by William Goldman, chapter one; 'Buttercup was raised on a small farm in the country of Florin. Her favourite pastimes were riding her horse and tormenting the farm boy that worked there. His name was Westley, but she never called him that..."

Gibbs had appeared beside Ziva, he whispered quietly, "I'm going home now, so are you," Ziva turned around and opened her mouth to object, "She has all the entertainment she needs, she'll be fine." Ziva nodded and followed Gibbs out, waving a quick goodbye to Lucy.

"Have you made any progress on who shot at her?" Ziva asked once they were out of earshot.

"We found an abandoned car a few miles away from where it happened, other than that, nothing really, it seems it was pretty professionally done," He replied.

Ziva said nothing else, Gibbs was happy not to make her talk more than she wanted to, and he was impressed at how she seemed to be handling it, even though he knew she was far from fine. When they got back to Gibb's place Ziva saw how the couch was made up to a bed again, Ziva's stuff had been picked up from Abby's, when they got in the door Gibbs stated that he would take the couch, Ziva was too tired to refuse.

Soon she was lying in bed, the lights on (she couldn't handle the dark), clutching a pillow tightly around her chest. '_I will not dream, I will not dream…" _

**Hey guys so I'm away for a week or two on holiday, so if I don't update for a bit that's why. I'll try to find time but I probes won't… Thanks to sky and a guest for the reviews! Big ups! REVIEW!**


	17. Chapter 17

**YAAAAAYYYY! I have returned to the world of internet! Just so you all know this chapter contains medical talk, which I MADE UP, I have no idea if any of what I wrote could possibly happen :p**

Five-thirty and after another restless night Ziva gave up on rolling constantly around on the bed, never being awake, yet never actually being asleep. She wiped the sleep from her eyes, pulling her curly mane out of her face as she got changed for the day. Her nose picked up a faint scent of bacon cooking, along with what she guessed was pancakes. Silently she made her way to the kitchen, Gibbs was facing the other way, standing over the stove, frying the bacon. Ziva slowly slipped into a seat at the table; which was set for two. She did all this with quiet feet, not sneaking around, more as if disrupting the silence would bring her nighttime fears crashing down on her. Gibbs turned around, he showed no signs of being surprised by Ziva's quiet entrance, he placed a frypan, filled with an array of pancakes and bacon on the table.

"Morning," He knew there was no need to ask her how she slept; he had woken her up enough times already. He went back to the sink, pouring two glasses of water; Ziva began to quickly put her hair in a loose braid. She got to just above her neck when Gibbs' hands were suddenly over her's, taking over from what she was doing, continuing to braid her hair, even when she stiffened noticeably when his rough hands brushed over her skin.

She quickly stammered out, "Gibbs it's ok, you don't have to-"

"Yes, I do," Gibbs butted in, "Now eat, you need it," He added more gently.

Ziva shrugged, guessing that he must have done Kelly's hair on occasion and must know what he was doing, even so she still couldn't help feeling tense as memories of being touched in a similar place flooded her mind. She toyed with the meagre amount on her plate; she still had no appetite, she never really felt very hungry anymore, not after months of little to no food. Gibbs sat down and Ziva put some food in her mouth, to please him, chewing for a long enough time for him to look away, so she could winch slightly as Ziva swallowed.

_'God, it just feels weird,' _Ziva thought as she struggled through the meal.

As they 'ate' Gibbs noticed how deflated Ziva's posture was; she used to pride herself on having a straight back, not slouching as Tony often did. He didn't realise that the hunched figure Ziva had adopted was actually to try and hide her emaciated form. She hated the way people had looked at her; complete strangers with one of slight disgust, as if she was starving herself. Abby's expression after one of their more recent hugs had said it all, she had overheard the nurses muttering about it, even little Lucy had stated how small Ziva's wrists were. She disliked the fact she couldn't stand allowing others to see any wounds, pain, fears, memories or the suffering she had endured under Salem. Ziva knew they wouldn't judge her or anything, she just could never bring herself to elaborate what had happened. When Tony had first questioned her he barely caught her quiet answer, "Shit Tony, real shit happened." She hadn't spoken anymore about it. Thankfully neither had he.

They ate the rest of their breakfast in silence, before Gibbs got up to get ready, leaving Ziva on her own the finish the rest of hers, it ended up in the bin. She leant back in the seat, wincing slightly as a ripple of pain rushed through her abdomen; she had been in a bit of pain recently, not much, but there was certainly a little always floating around her. Ziva was certain though it was just something healing, nothing to be worried about, or let others worry about.

Her mind crossed to Tony, '_He is so frustrating! I mean I guess he just cares but he is like a lost puppy!' _

Gibbs returned, changed and ready for work, they headed off for the fifteen minute drive to head quarters, arriving at work at about six thirty, early, which suited both of them. That is it would've used to suit Ziva when she had work she could do, but being confined to a desk had effectively kept her from working in the investigation properly. She rested her head on her folded arms on her desk, happy to close her eyes whilst she had the opportunity. But her peaceful break was short lived as Ziva raised her head when she heard the familiar ding of the elevator door, then the even more familiar noise of Tony and Tim arguing.

"Clearly McNerdolicious more money should be spent on film graphics than that gaming stuff!" Tony snapped as they entered the bullpen.

"I never said that Tony! I said that gaming graphics IS better than movies!" Tim countered as he sat down, turning on his computer.

Tony scoffed, "Couldn't be more wrong, anyway like I was saying more money should be spent on movie graphics other than gaming graphics! Then we would end up with more people like me, and less like you, "He paused dramatically, 'Am I not right Ziva?"

"Are you asking if I agree with you? Or are you asking if you are correct? If it's me agreeing with you, I actually find Tim more attractive, if that IS what you're asking," She stated.

Gibbs smirked at Tony's, suddenly very red, face, "Alright you guys, get to work, I want to end this case before the weekend starts."

They worked solidly for a few hours, following up leads that could lead them to either Claudia's location or Lucy's shooter. Ziva began to feel a dull headache as the quick tapping of fingers on computer keys, the printer working, the fans inside their laptops, phones ringing and papers being sorted started to slide into a noisy buzz, swimming around Ziva's head. She took a deep swig of water, feeling her gut tense and lurch, saliva was filling her mouth, her throat tightening.

She quickly stood up, "I'm going toilet," She announced, moving as fast as she could to the bathroom, something about her legs seemed distant, almost as if they weren't her's, she couldn't even remember how she ended up on the floor of the bullpen, Tony's face near her's. He was calling her name but it sounded unreachable, as if she was under water. She numbly reached for her shirt, pulling it up over her lower abdomen, revealing a dark purple mark there, it wasn't a bruise. The skin was stretched, red, pulled tight over criss-crossing scars. It was hot to touch, but what worried Tony the most was that the dark purple shaded area seemed to be spreading, flaking out as food colouring does in water.

"Tim call 911!"

_Four Hours Later_

Tony stood silently outside Ziva's room, watching as the nurses hooked her up to machines, those machines were keeping her alive. She had been rushed to surgery almost as soon as she got to the hospital, now she lay unconscious, several devices were controlling her breathing, intake of medicine, nutrients, and her heart beat. The nurses left, switching off the lights as they did so, giving Tony sympathetic looks. As soon as they were out of sight he switched the lights back on, his fear for his partner doubling as he saw how pale she was, almost a sickly yellow. He jumped as someone tapped him on the shoulder, he spun around and was faced with a male doctor, short, stout, lots of facial hair, wore glasses and looked like he spent his spare time at a nude beach. He motioned for Tony to follow him to his office.

Once the door was closed he quickly introduced himself as Dr Keller, and said he would explain everything, only if Tony didn't interrupt, Tony agreed.

"Well it seems that Miss David-"

"Dah-veed."

He shot Tony a stern, teacher like, look, "Yes Miss Dah-veed has suffered a whole lot of terrible injuries." He spoke with very little emotion, "She has had a fragment of broken rib slice open her bladder, only slightly, but enough to cause a terrible infection. Due to the placement of this infection it got in her blood supply, causing intense swelling on her brain, liquid in her lungs, not to mention the mess down bellow," Tony could barely contain his frustration at this idiot's attempts at 'lightening' the mood. "The fluid in her lungs is being drained, so that's good, also the actual infected tissue has been removed, including her appendix and the majority of her bladder, that actually was a better outcome than what we expected. But that main worry is the possibility of brain damage. She is likely to suffer from some memory loss, also will most probably need some form of physiotherapy afterwards. Other than that the only thing wrong with her is her weight!" He chuckled, seemingly immune to Tony's glare of disgust. "Questions?"

"Yes, this memory loss, will it be permanent? Do you know the extent of which it will happen? Also what the hell is wrong with you? My partner has practical died today and you're joking?!"

Once again Dr Keller didn't seem at all offended or concerned at Tony's anger, "The extent of her memory loss is uncertain, it is likely though that due to the… trauma… she has recently experienced that some form of that will be lost in her memory, or the root of it."

Tony's mind raced; Ziva could be back to normal, aware of what happened but feeling no emotions towards it, this could mean everything could be back to normal! A beep went off and Dr Keller looked at his phone, "It's this crazy new app that lets me as a doctor-"

"Cut to the chase."

"Well, Ziva's vitals have returned to normal, we can bring her out of sedation now." Tony felt a wave of anxiety, he silently begged that somewhere God, any god, would let her forget. He followed Dr Keller back to her room watched as he flicked a switch, as her eyes slowly opened. She saw him, he saw no fear or pain in those brown eyes.

"Ziva, it's so good to see you're ok!" He gushed out.

She paused, confusion on her face, "Who, who are you?"

_'No, please dear God no. I didn't want her to forget like this.'_

**So? God I am so in love with this idea! READ AND REVIEW!**


	18. Chapter 18

_Just a heads up, I have no idea how memory loss works, it is a terrible thing. So if what I write is either wrong or slightly offensive, I didn't mean it this way, just used it for the fanfic!_

"Ziva, it's me; Tony, your partner!" Tony fought to keep the desperation from his voice.

Ziva looked down, concentrating on the name, "Partner as in lover?"

Tony ran his hands through his hair, beads of sweat forming on his forehead, "No at NCIS! We work together! What do you remember?!" The sudden anger in his voice was met with a increase in the beeps for her heart rate monitor, fear flashed across her eyes, Tony knew she could remember what angry men had done to her, he took a deep breath to calm himself, he glanced at Dr Keller who stood nearby, "Could you give us a minute?"

"Certainly, I was about to have my lunch now anyway," He turned and left, closing the door behind him. Tony turned to Ziva, realising how weak and sick she looked, how she had nearly died. He was actually quite sure he had heard the nurses using the defibrillator earlier.

He tried in a more gentler tone, "Ziva, what do you remember?"

She paused, her wide eyes venturing up to his face slowly, "I remember everything, I think. Mossad, NCIS, Gibbs, McGee, Abby, Ducky, Vance, everything," She added in a smaller voice, "Even Somalia."

"But not me." Tony felt guilty for accusing her of something she couldn't help.

"No not you."

He tried something else, "Who sits in the desk in front of you?"

She paused, then shrugged, "I guess not everything." She coughed, wincing in pain, pressing her hand against the bandages that Tony was certain were there under the hospital robe. She glanced at the faded lines that were on her exposed forearms, sliding them under the blanket. "I'm sorry," She added quietly.

Tony forced a smile, "It's ok, we'll get this sorted out," He noted Ziva was stifling a yawn, "Listen i've got to go back to work, I'll see you later," He put his hand without thinking on her shoulder for comfort.

Ziva quickly pushed it off, "Don't touch me." By doing so her arm got caught in a tube running from her chest to a small plastic bag, Tony had figured it had been draining her lungs. She swore quietly and tried to pull it back, only further entangling herself, he reached out to help Ziva before she stopped him, "Please just don't, I've got this," Her heart rate again was high, Tony wasn't sure if it was because he was a 'stranger' or because of Somalia. He hadn't realised how weak she was sounding. He suddenly saw Ziva for who she was at the time; a very sick young women, fighting demons that would make Satan scared, who was just getting physically better before being knocked down again. He relented and took a step back, she glanced at him, raising her eyebrows slightly, asking why he was still here.

"Sorry," He turned and left.

_Back at NCIS_

"Wait she remembers everything but you?!" McGee asked, genuinely feeling sorry for Tony.

"Ah yeah, that's kinda what I said Probie!"

Gibbs sat there quietly for a few moments, "What did the doctor say?"

Tony scoffed, "Believe me that guy was a retard with extra obnoxious! He was really rude and-"

"About Ziva."

"Oh, he said she had part of her rib tear her bladder, making an infection. They took out her appendix and part of her bladder, it got in her blood stream, making fluid in her lungs and swelling in her brain. They're draining the fluid and all that," Tony paused for breath, "Then he said that due to the brain swelling Ziva probably has suffered some stuff. He guessed it would be Somalia, normally it's the core person involved with recent trauma." He glanced at their reactions, "It should be Saleem she's forgotten not me!" He desperately looked around for agreement.

"Rivkin," Stated Gibbs quietly.

"What does he have to do with this boss?" Asked McGee.

Gibbs turned to McGee, "DiNozzo killing Rivkin was the main reason Ziva agreed with me wanting for her to stay in Israel, because she was in with Mossad she went on that mission," He glanced at Tony's guilty expression. "I don't blame you for it though."

Tony shrugged a reply, he sat down at his desk, "What should we do?"

"Give her space but don't avoid her, McGee, you should see her sometime," He grabbed his bag and left for the elevator calling over his shoulder to keep working on the case.

_Hospital_

Gibbs stood outside Ziva's room, watching as a nurse finished changing her bandages, reconnecting her to the I.V drip. She left a tray of food nearby. He noticed Ziva made no move to eat it. The nurse turned and left, Gibbs thought that he was glad the hospital had so many female nurses, he knew Ziva wouldn't have been able to let a man do that. As the nurse shut the door he asked how she was doing.

"Oh she's doing fine! The swelling on her brain's going down and so is the fluid in her lungs, but I suppose we're draining that stuff!" She chuckled, changing her face from stern to soft, she glanced back at Ziva, who was lying back in the bed, looking out the window. "I just wish she would eat more, oh and those scars, I haven't been allowed to read her file but golly! What happened must've been dreadful!"

"It was," Gibbs admitted, "Can I talk to her?"

The nurse shrugged, "Sure, but don't bet on her replying; she's pretty quiet!" She sighed sadly and left, leaving Gibbs alone. He paused, taking a deep breath before knocking quietly and entering. Ziva's head snapped his way, instantly alert. Gibbs smiled at her, a wave of relief rushed over him as he saw her relax as she recognised him.

"Hey, you are you feeling Ziver?" The marine asked gently.

She shrugged her shoulders slightly, "Alright I guess, I'm tired though," She paused, unsure if she should continue, "Do I really know this," She paused, trying to recall his name, "Tony?"

Gibbs' face soften out of sympathy, "Yes, you've known him for around three and a bit years, he kinda killed your boyfriend about half a year ago."

She thought deeply over this, cross checking current memories with possible ones, "Michael."

"Yes."

"I remember him, just not what happened to him," She trailed off, she coughed quietly, very chesty, Gibbs noticed how quick her breathing was; like she catch her breath.

He sat down at the end of her bed, "Ziva are you breathing alright?"

She nodded, "Yeah I'm fine."

Gibbs was suddenly angry, "God dammit Ziva, you aren't! We are all here for you! Stop acting like you're fine!" He took a deep breath so he could calm himself, "No one should be fine after that."

Gibbs saw a look he had used too often, the look of trying not to cry in front of people; clenching of the jaw, the quick flutter of your eyes to swallow up the tears, the wiping your suddenly sweaty hands on your lap. He watched silently as Ziva took several deep breaths, he heard the heart monitor increase as she quickly went over the memories, trying to find what to say. Her eyes were fixed on her left hand, on the faded scar; the one he often saw her running her finger along. She closed her eyes briefly, her mouth moving quickly yet without making any attempt to reply.

"Ziver?"

The dark ebony eyes snapped open; she had forgotten he was there, "You really want to know what happened don't you?"

"Yeah, I know when I had amnesia it helped to replay my memories in my head."

Ziva took another deep breath and began.

**Hola my readers :) The next chapter will be a slight retelling of the events in Somalia, may contain all the beating, rape, and other depressing things that we all know happened in Somalia but apparently CNN don't want us to think about :P It will be more Ziva's opinion on it, then an actual detailed story. **

**-FatFreddy xx **

**Also big thanks to ladyd10 for the review and new stuff she told me, also the ideas! I know I hate it when i read something that is either scientifically wrong or NCIS wrong so thanks of being honest! **


	19. Chapter 19

"You know that feeling when you've been either in the water or on a boat for too long and you get back to solid ground? How you know you're no longer there yet you still feel as if you are?" Gibbs nodded slowly. "Well, that's how I am now living. I know I'm on solid land but then why do I feel like I'm in choppy water, trying to still keep afloat?" She paused as she fought to keep the flashbacks at bay. "This scar, the one I constantly stroke?" She held up her hand to elaborate, Gibbs noticing for the first time that it actually ran deeper than he originally thought; it wrapped around her wrist, then up along her hand, onto her first finger. "My hands were constantly bound together, it rubbed the cut and running my finger along it helped to eleviate the pain." She broke eye contact, shaking her head slightly, grinning at her own , as she saw it 'foolishness'. "I am still there Gibbs. I can still feel my wrists bound, the cold of the cell, the heat of the sun, the dust of the desert, my feet still feel restrained! I thought I'd left Hell behind, but I brought it with me." She paused, obviously out of breath.

Gibbs really didn't want to interrupt her, but couldn't help a loud, empathetic sigh escaping his lips, he hadn't known she was struggling that much.

"I have to keep rubbing my hands around my wrists to stop the feeling of being constricted from settling in on them," Gibbs glanced down and noted that even now Ziva had one hand wrapped around her left wrist. "Any touch is met with a memory, I'm like a piano, any touch puts out a sound, but in my case it's normally a scream. One I keep bottled up inside me. That's why I can't let people help me do anything really," She paused, "Even you, someone who I can't even search my imagination for a reason to fear you. One touch and I'm back in Somalia, back in my nightmares. It's a constant battle to not just fall off that edge, over that cliff that takes me there." Gibbs had to admit, her describing ability impressed him, he knew she sometimes wrote poetry, he didn't even think Tony knew that.

"Is it getting better?"

She didn't answer, just shook her head dejectedly. Gibbs felt his whole heart go out for her, she really was his daughter, not by blood, by something that ran deeper. He didn't even know who to help someone get through that, exposing them constantly to touch could only further derail her, not at all and you detach them from proper friendships. He really only had one question that he had wanted to ask her this whole time, he decided this was truly the only opportunity he may ever get to ask it.

"How did you survive Ziva? I could name a whole army of highly trained marines who couldn't, and I would guess that you know an army of Mossad who couldn't either."

She looked up, out the window at a small playground, it stood empty, as hospital playgrounds always did. "I don't know, I mean they wouldn't let me starve to death or anything, I couldn't even starve myself! The beatings were never too sever, the uh, nights were never too dangerous," Ziva took a deep breath, Gibbs was surprised she even mentioned the nights, he knew it had happened, it was obvious but he knew how ashamed she was of it. "I'm not saying they were easy or anything like that, you never can get accustomed to pain. After a while though I lost hope completely; I felt a bit like a candle, and after a while I had nothing left to take energy from. But it did get easier after a while to live on nothing." She gestured to the tray of food near her, it was untouched, "I'm not hungry, I'm never hungry and I'm expected to eat four meals a day. Everything I eat comes back up, I get all the stuff I need through that," She nodded towards the drip bag, "So why bother when it won't even stay down?"

"Because you can't live off that forever Ziver," He wanted to tell her it got better, but judging by her eating habits, well they were't even eating habits, they didn't involve much eating, they weren't going to anytime soon. He opened his mouth to say more but couldn't think of what to say. It wasn't like comforting Kelly; with that you just hug till the tears dried and tell them it gets better. He knew Ziva was to smart for that, anyway he couldn't lie to her and say it will get better, his thoughts were echoed by a small question.

"Does it get easier?"

He paused, trying to think of the best way to word this, he was just about to answer when there was a sharp knock on the door; Gibbs sighed as Dr Keller poked his head through the doorway, "Am I interrupting?"

Gibbs gritted his teeth not turning around to face him, "Yes actually, come back later." Out of the corner of his eye he saw Ziva slide her scarred forearms under the covers.

The door closed and Dr Keller walked in, "Eh, couldn't have been too important." With him was a small metal cart, on it was a small machine, with a tube and needle connected, Ziva raised her eyebrows, confused but didn't say anything.

"And that would be?" It was Gibbs who asked what they thinking.

Keller held up the tube, "This little beauty is to drain the urine from your now very small bladder until we can find a new one for ya!" Ziva's confusion spread.

"Wait, you didn't tell me I needed a new anything, " She glanced at Gibbs, asking if he knew, he just shrugged.

Keller made a silly face, "I don't think it is extremely important for you to know that." He plugged the small box into the wall, it started whining slightly as a light flickered from red to green on the side, "Good it still works," He muttered, "I dropped it on the way over here so ya know, it better still run properly!" He explained to the two agents. Gibbs was stunned; this fool was going to hook his agent up to a machine that might not work properly! He looked at the device and saw that the outside was in good shape though, so nothing would be wrong with it, he relented and let the doctor do his thing.

"Now Miss David-"

"Dah-veed," Ziva corrected.

"What's that?" He asked, looking up from the clipboard he held.

"Dah-veed is how you pronounce my name, not David," She stated.

He shrugged, "Well Dah-veed isn't written here."

"Same spelling."

"Oh figures, because that did NOT make sense!" He seemed to not notice when his jokes fell on serious reactions. "Now I'm just going to need you to lift up your shirt, so I can undo the bandages and hook this baby in."

Gibbs knew as soon as the doctor said that Ziva would refuse. Himself he had only seen the parts of her she had not even tried to hide, or where the scarring wasn't as bad. Judging by the fact she had endured them due to what men had done to her Gibbs doubted Ziva would let a man she didn't know do anything that involved touching. He gave her a reassuring expression, hoping to calm her down, she didn't look at him, Ziva shook her head ever so slightly Gibbs could't even say for sure he saw it.

"Are you going to be doing this yourself?" Gibbs asked.

"Uh yeah? Why?" He glanced between Gibbs and Ziva, one looked at him back, the other stayed staring at her lap.

Gibbs sighed, trying to think of a way to word it, "She would prefer a female nurse to do this."

Keller looked at Ziva, confused, "And why would that be?"

"Does she need a reason?"

The man scoffed, "Yeah she does, this is my job and to be told that because of my gender I can't-" He was interrupted when Gibbs angrily stood up, fed up with the man's foolishness. He stood over Keller, intimidating him but remaining silent. Ziva's eyes slid from her lap to watch the standoff nervously. It ended when Keller looked away from Gibbs' intense stare, he mumbled he would get another nurse and left. A silence fell upon the two agents once they were alone. After all she had told him Ziva was unsure as to how he would treat her afterwards. Without saying anything he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her in close. Ziva had her arms in front of her and after a while found her own arms tentatively hugging him back. They stayed like that for a few minutes, Gibbs' rubbing soothing circles on Ziva's bony back, he didn't react when his hand ran over multiple bumps and ridges that shouldn't have been there.

"Thank you," Ziva muttered quietly, they pulled away, her eyes glistening, Gibbs grabbed his jacket said a quick goodbye, leaving Ziva alone.

_Back at NCIS_

Gibbs strolled into the bullpen to find it empty, he glanced around, confused as to where Tony and McGee was, his phone was flashing with missed calls on his desk; he picked it up to listen to a voicemail.

_"Gibbs it's DiNozzo; we got a tipoff on Duke's whereabouts, on our way there now, he's at the Denville Hook Port, there's a team on their way now." _The phone went dead and Gibbs raced out to the car park, on his way to the port.

When he arrived the area was swarming with special forces, but judging with the relaxed atmosphere Gibbs guess that the drama had finished. McGee was sitting near an ambulance, a medic attaching a bandage his exposed shoulder. Tony was flirting with a female special forces officer, several men, that probably couldn't be trusted with a pile of dirt without trying to sell it, sat around handcuffed, Gibbs spotted Duke amongst them, a young woman was sitting with a blanket draped over her shoulders, a vacant look in her eyes. He went over to Tony, "How'd everything go?"

"Pretty standard op boss, went in, everyone surrendered and we thought we were good. Then old McTarget went and got shot, we apprehended the shooter though and other than that smooth sailing. She," He nodded his head towards Claudia's huddled form, "Was pretty quiet though, hasn't said a word this whole time." Gibbs nodded quietly, thinking about the similarities between her and Ziva.

Gibbs to her, introducing himself, she didn't look at him or reply. Everything about her mirrored Ziva's current persona after being rescued. He turned around to give her some space when she asked, without looking up from her gaze, something in a quiet voice.

"Pardon?" Gibbs asked gently.

"Is it true she's dead?"


	20. Chapter 20

It was dark, a full moon crept through the window, casting ominous shadows throughout the hospital room where Ziva slept. Murmuring quietly to herself as she rolled over, lost deep in her dreams, next to her the machine connected to what was left of her bladder whirred to life, sucking out any excess liquids, so she wasn't constantly wetting herself. Scrunching her hands into fists, her face pinched and in pain she fought back the invisible enemy. The one that called her the 'Jewish whore', 'Mossad scum', 'worthless', and 'Zi?!" Confusion flooded through her as she tried to place the name, it's origin or who called her that. She was swimming just below consciousness when a small voice made her surface.

"Zee-vahh?" Ziva jerked awake, sharply looking around before settling her eyes on a small girl who stood in her doorway.

She sat up, turning on a overhead lamp nearby she studied briefly the young child who smiled at her, she hoped she hadn't forgotten her also when a name popped into her head, "Lucy." The girl who now had a name nodded happily, "Well don't just stand there, you and Harold come in!" Ziva warmly beckoned her inside. She skipped over, slightly awkwardly as her arm was in a sling; she pushed a chair next to Ziva, using it as a step to get onto the bed. She untucked the end of the sheets and snuggled under the covers, quickly pulling her feet away when she touched Ziva's ice cold feet.

"Why are you so cold?!" She put a tiny hand around a icy foot, Ziva just shrugged a reply. "But you're sweating?"

"Huh?" Ziva put the back of her hand against her forehead, feeling damp skin underneath, she wiped it off quickly, "Must've gotten hot sometime." She muttered, quick to turn the conversation away she asked, "So how are you Lucy?"

"I'm good, I'm not allowed to leave and I have to do physic…therapy?" She slowly spelled out the word, smiling when Ziva understood. "It's annoying though 'coz no one wants to go to the playground with me, her eyes settling on the tube that ventured from the machine beneath Ziva's bedsheets. "What's that?" She asked, easily distracted.

"It's to help me get better," Ziva smiled, unwilling to go into detail.

She studied it for a moment, then seeing Ziva's scarred forearm she pointed again, "What are those?"

"They are what I am getting better from," Ziva replied simply. In an attempt to lighten the mood she held up her left arm, indicating to a burn she said, "I like this one, it looks like a turtle," Lucy took her arm in a small hand, tracing gently the outline, deeming it 'turtle shaped' she nodded, gazing around the room, she saw a TV sitting in one corner, "Lucky! you get TV?! I don't, I'm meant to go to some 'children's room'," She made a funny face, "It smells like stinky feet in there!"

Ziva chuckled at the description, she guessed she was lucky again as she wasn't sharing her room with anyone else, "Want to watch a movie?"

Lucy bobbed her head up and down enthusiastically, Ziva shuffling to one side of the narrow bed, making room for Lucy to slip in, she pressed a few buttons on the remote, after numerous attempts, and Lucy giggling at her lack of skill with a TV set, finally managed to put on Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs. She put her arm protectively around the small girl's shoulder, relaxing, not really watching the movie. It was still early morning, a glance to the clock on the wall confirmed it to be 0500, Ziva wondered briefly if Lucy was allowed to be here, her question quickly answered when a young, blond and nervous looking nurse rushed past, a few seconds later reappearing, opening the door.

"Lucy thank goodness I found you!" She paused as the young girl mumbled a sorry. "You can't go anywhere you please child!" She helped Lucy down from Ziva's bed as the Israeli turned off the movie. She glanced briefly at Ziva's thin frame and scarred arms, probably assuming a completely different reason than the truth, "Now why don't we go and do something in the children's room if you can't sleep?" She asked, still looking at the scars, Ziva responded by sliding her arms under the sheets.

"But I don't like the children's room, neither does Harold," Lucy said quietly.

This brought the nurse away from Ziva, "Harold?" She tugged on Lucy's hand, becoming the girl to leave with her.

"Yeah my friend Harold the Giraffe," Lucy stumbled after her, waving a goodbye to Ziva, who waved one back.

The nurse laughed, not particularly nicely in Ziva's opinion, "Now Lucy do you know that woman?" The girl's response was too quiet to hear as they walked away leaving a very tired, yet wide awake Ziva. She angrily glared at her arms, tracing a few lines with a thin finger. She turned off the lamp and smiled at Lucy's innocence, hoping that the team found her mother alright.

_0900_

Ziva's slumber was again interrupted with a small knock on the door, she rubbed the sleep from her eyes, muttering for whoever it was to come in. She was surprised when it was McGee who entered, with him what looked like a smoothie. He nervously smiled a greeting, glancing at the chair that still lay near Ziva's bed from earlier.

"Oh Ziva, I don't know you had company, was Tony here?" He asked, forgetting Ziva's memory loss regarding him. Immediately he attempted to say something else, his face shining red.

Ziva calmly interrupted, "Tim it's fine, someone else was here, not Tony," The name felt so familiar in her mouth, even without the memories attached. She looked at the smoothie, "What's that McGee?"

He glanced at it, as if remembering it was there, "Oh it's a berry smoothie, I remember getting you them sometimes on my way to work, how you liked them so much," He held it out for her, she smiled a thanks and took it, having a tentative sip from the straw.

A smile broke out on Ziva's face, "It tastes delicious, much better than hospital food." She paused, "How have you been Tim?"

He grinned, "Well me and Abby have gotten a lot closer since we got back, I think she won't let me out of her sight for more than 12 hours," He chuckled quietly to himself, Ziva smiling at their intimacy. She suddenly felt a pang of guilt over how Tony must be feeling.

"What is Tony like?" She asked quietly, not wanting to highlight her memory loss to her colleagues.

Tim sighed, "Still no change then?" Ziva shook her head, "He's sarcastic, annoying, completely unprofessional, very flirty, obnoxious and has a creepily good memory of every movie he has watched," Tim laughed a little, seeing how serious Ziva's expression remained he added, "He is loyal, god so loyal. He'd do anything for anyone he cares for, a great memory; he remembered once a few weeks ago that I don't like pickles because once when I was new I had a burger at work and pulled them out. He is intelligent, courageous and cares more for you than I have ever seen him care about anything in the world," His eyes grew moist and he got very embarrassed, wiping them with the back of his hand. "No matter WHAT do not tell him that I told you this, nor that I cried." He laughed, Ziva smiling a little bit. Ziva noticed for the first time the dark lines under his normally vibrant eyes.

"McGee, are you alright?" She asked, slightly afraid of the answer.

He paused, "I guess I just can't let Somalia go. I feel like a dick head saying this, you know considering what you must be having but I can't sleep well. The glimpse into Saleem's ways have only begun to open my mind as to what probably happened. I dream of you, me, mostly Abby, what would've happened." At the mention of her last summer Ziva fidgeted nervously with the bed sheets, not even bothering to hide her forearms. His phone beeped and he quickly glanced at the screen, "Sorry Ziva I've gotta go, I'm meeting Abby at a cafe and she demands I pick her up from her place," He grinned.

"Thanks for coming to see me Tim," She smiled back, taking a sip from the smoothie she added, "Could you tell Tony he can visit, he doesn't have to avoid me."

"Sure thing, see ya." He only got a ghost smile in return.

Once the door was closed Ziva lay back, taking the occasional mouthful of smoothie, finding the flavour so fresh and not as if it was from a can, as most of the hospital food probably was, she really was glad Tim had picked one up for her. She thought back to her dream earlier this morning, could it have been Tony who called her Zi? It sounded right but there was nothing Ziva could call on to be sure. Her phone sat next to the bed, someone had left it there for her to use. She was dialling before she could comprehend the numbers. Her fingers flew across the buttons in such a natural way Ziva didn't argue.

There was a silence at the end of the line, before a husky voice answered, "Very Special Agent Anthony Dinozzo."

There was a pause, "Tony, it's me."

"Ziva!" He was so quick to respond it almost gave her a fright. "Yeah it's me."

"Wait, how do you remember this number? It's my work one, can you remember-"

"No I can't, some things I can though."

"Oh," There was no disguising the disappointment in his voice, "But I guess that's a start!" He tried the optimistic approach. "Want me to come over?"

"It would cost less money for my phone."

"I'll be five minutes, no wait four!" The line went dead. Ziva sighed, wondering if this was a good idea. The clock had just turned past four minutes when the door best open with such a force Ziva jumped, fear flashing unwillingly across her eyes. Tony entered, unsure if he had actually seen the fear himself or imagined it, just like he was still wondering if Ziva was there, with him.

"Hey Zi," Relief flooded through Ziva as he used the nick name, she had nearly forgotten existed.

It must have shown on her face when Tony asked what she was thinking about.

"That name; Zi. I remembered it." She smiled at the thought of memories.

"That's great Ziva, it really is," He sat down on the chair, glancing at the half eaten smoothie, "Who's that from?"

"McGee," It was amusing to see the flicker of jealousy that played in his eyes, "Not like that, just to talk."

"Oh, was there anything else?" Tony bit his lip, unsure of what to say.

Ziva paused, her mind scrambling, "A nurse, I don't think he is very bright asked me how my summer was. Did you ask me that?"

Tony's mind went straight back to the cell, when Saleem brought in a unknown prisoner, as if he was meant to know who it was. The bag being lifted and his heart stopping. "Yeah, when I first saw you, I said 'How was your summer?' Which I know was a pretty crap thing to say but-"

"I knew I'd heard it somewhere." Ziva muttered quietly to herself.

He stood awkwardly for a few moments, unsure of how to keep a conversation going. He remembered their case and announced, "We got her. I mean Claudia. A tip off took us to a port about 20km's from here, we got all of them. Duke, his gang of animals, and her, though she's been pretty quiet."

Ziva mulled over the information briefly, "Does Lucy know?"

"Don't think so," He paused, as if he was going to say something else.

"Tony?"

"Claudia hasn't spoken a word this whole time, the doctors say she's in some state of shock and has pretty much shut down. " Ziva nodded, obviously aware of how it felt. "She's staying not too far away here, if you wanted to help out you could talk to her, you probably could get her to open up a bit."

Ziva again nodded, not agreeing to or saying no. She stifled a yawn and Tony got the cue.

"Well I better go, it was good to see you."

"Bye Tony."

He was nearly at the door when he spun around, "Call me anytime you want to know if something is real or not. Ok?"

"Ok." And with that he was gone.

With the flurry of visitors she had had today Ziva was completely worn out, it frustrated her how badly she slept in hospitals. She felt fine; tired, easily out of breath and weak but fine. But they insisted on her staying here. Eventually she must have dozed off because a nurse was waking her, telling her that a slot opened up and she was having surgery that evening. Ziva took the antibiotics and was left alone for a while, she flicked on the TV, looking for something to slightly occupy her mind. The distraction finally came when Gibbs poked his head in the door, smiling at her.

"Hey Ziver, just dropping by on my way home." Ziva knew that was a lie, his house and the hospital were different directions. He came in, closing the door quietly behind him. "Nervous?"

Ziva paused, realising he was referring to the surgery she shrugged one shoulder, "Kinda," He gave her a look to continue, "I mean if I'm asleep like that, do I dream? Because three hours of sleep which I can't wake from doesn't sound pleasant."

The marine's heart melted away again, his daughter was afraid to sleep, afraid of what came with slumber, he slowly made his way over to her, placing a gentle kiss on the top of her head; the only comfort he could give her. He sat with her, an arm around her shoulder, protecting her against the demons of the day, though he knew he could do little for her once she was sedated. About 20 minutes later a nurse came in and told Ziva they were ready for her, she ushered Gibbs out and wheeled Ziva's bed away. They gave her a shot of something that made her eyes blurred and the lights above seem piercingly bright. They took her into the operating room, several people milling around her, Ziva wondered why she didn't feel anxious at all. She guessed it was whatever they injected her with. A male doctor with a face mask on slid a breathing mask over her face, administering the anesthetic.

He spoke clearly, "My name is Anthony Petrie, I'm going to be your doctor today." He pulled down his mask, smiling at her. But Ziva couldn't smile back, she was in shock. The man grinning at her looked exactly like this Tony guy who she couldn't remember. She stared for longer, as she began to feel her eye lids grow heavy. He murmured something, she replied before she realised what she said, "Are you having phone sex?"

"No I was, uh playing charades," Anthony answered, slightly embarrassed. Ziva knew she was asleep when her mind suddenly raced, not to Somalia and the nightmares but to DC, years ago. When she first walked into the bullpen.

**There! Finally! It seemed that chapter just did NOT want to be typed! Haha, just let me know how you liked it, ladyd10 there goes that bladder for ya ;) Thanks for the reviews I've been getting, they're like chocolate drops for meh! Sorry if I got the whole phone sex quote wrong, I haven't watched Kill Ari Part 1 in years!**

**-FatFreddy xx**


	21. Chapter 21

**This is a kinda short chapter, but it is more or less a filler whilst I wait for writers block to go away. Biggest pet peeves= 1. Animal abuse, 2. People who say they are vegetarians but eat fish or chicken, 3. Writers Block. Anyway, I have no idea about the recovery time for this kind of surgery, but it has been about two months since the events of Chapter 20. And yes, I am trying to figure out a way to complete this fanfic, unless you guys really want me to continue, say in a review or I won't know what y'all want! Any ideas that you want to be seen say in a review! Oh and before the CNN batboys come and lock me up I kinda used some of the dialogue, from which episode I haven't the slightest, all I know is that it was used in Season 7, don't kill me! **

_Two Months Later_

As soon as she got back from her morning run Ziva checked her mail, eager to get back into a daily routine. Flicking through the small pile and finding the majority of them were junk she was pleased to see that one had come from NCIS Headquarters. Taking out her knife, the one she now brought everywhere, not just to a few places like she did before Somalia but everywhere. Ripping it open she saw that her psychological evaluation had been read by Director Vance and he had requested a meeting with her in a few hours. Ziva thought back to the evaluation, where Tony had explained to her what a shrink was. A shrink turned out to be a small elderly man, that reminded her a great deal like Ducky. She had nearly forgotten about it. She quickly showered, applying just enough makeup to hide the slight darkness that lingered under her eyes, refusing to go, even though she hadn't had an interrupted sleep in nearly a week. Quickly she changed the bandages that wrapped around her mid section, it was only a few more weeks when she could take them off completely and go for a proper run, not just around the block once. She got changed and took a cab to NCIS.

Strolling nervously throughout the bullpen towards Vane's office Tony looked over and saw her. He smiled a greeting, asking why she was there.

"Meeting with Vance," She gestured upstairs.

Tony felt sorry for anyone who had a meeting with their Director, "Well good luck then, is it about you getting your badge back?"

She nodded softly, picking slightly the scab on her shoulder that was just starting to heal. A loose curl had strayed across her face, Tony gently drifted it back behind her ear, leaping around on the inside when she didn't flinch, tense or stiffen. She was getting better.

"I have to go."

Ignoring the smirk that was gracing McGee's face as he pretended he was working on his computer, "Coffee later?"

"I'd like that," Ziva turned and walked up the stairs, wiping her suddenly sweaty palms on her trousers. She knocked on the door, hearing an abrasive 'Enter' she took a deep breath and opened the door.

Vance sat, as imposing as ever in his desk, a opened file that undoubtedly held Ziva's future lay in his hands. "David, come in." He motioned with one hand for her to sit, she did so. Her mind flashing back to their first meeting after she had returned, the tension, snapped remarks and anger. She saw him eyeing her up carefully and put on a slight smile.

"Good morning Director."

"I have read your evaluation." He responded, ignoring the small talk.

Ziva drew a slow breath, ignoring the dull ache in her ribs, "And?"

He closed the file, shifting it aside, "You passed," He left no time for Ziva to react, "But I can't tell if that's thanks to Mossad training or not."

Ziva broke eye contact, looking down at her fidgeting fingers, "You know I can't go back Director, if I can't remain here, then you may as well buy me a plane ticket." Their eyes met, only briefly before she pulled hers away again.

"Speaking of Mossad, have you spoken to your father?" His only response was a slight shake of the head. Vance sighed, "You can't keep ignoring him Ziva, he's your father and-"

"He's my father by name only, I don't want a relationship with the man who left me to die." She cut in, glaring at Vance.

"Yes but even so, you are still technically Mossad."

"Your point? I have emailed my resignation to them, it was one of the first things I did once I got on a computer." She announced, Ziva knew she should've told Vance or Gibbs, but she really hadn't cared when she'd done it.

Vance's eyebrows rose, "I see," He paused, "It seems you have also passed the physical evaluation, your shooting was top marks, hand to hand was not as good as I expected, but taking in your injuries I'll let that slide," Ziva nodded even though she had never known hand to hand combat to slide anywhere.

Vance pulled out a sheet of paper, signing it and stamping the NCIS seal on one corner, he handed it to Ziva, "Sign here." She wasn't given any time to skim read it, so she quickly scrawled her signature on the dotted line.

"Ziva David, pending you get a American Citizenship, welcome back to NCIS," He handed her the piece of paper, in disbelief she read it, seeing that it actually said what he had said.

"Thank you Director," She gushed quietly, unable to keep the grin from her face.

_The Cafe_

"How'd it go?!" Tony asked as soon as he saw Ziva leaving the cab she had taken to get to their favourite cafe.

She flashed a smile, holding up a sheet of paper, "All I need is a American Citizenship and I'm back."

A huge weight lifted off his shoulders, "That's great Zi!" He wrapped his arms around her, hating the fact he could still feel her ribs and spine too much. They went inside and ordered their usual; a tea and berry friand for Ziva and a iced chocolate with extra whipped cream and a chocolate chip cookie for Tony. Choosing a seat outside, where it was quiet and sunny they sat to enjoy their food.

"You look well," Tony began pleasantly as he sipped his iced chocolate with extra cream.

Ziva glanced away, out onto the quiet street the cafe faced, it had been their favourite hangout place before the past summer, "You never have been very good at telling a woman she is good looking, have you?" She smiled, it had taken a while, but her old smile was beginning to grace her face more.

"Now you're just sounding obnoxious," He joked, watching her slowly, methodically stirred some sugar into her tea, taking a small mouthful. "How was it with Vance?" She paused, the cup halfway between the table and her mouth.

"Fine." Ziva stated, obviously wanting to avoid the topic,

Tony not wanting to push her quickly changed the subject, "Did you seriously ask the surgeon if he was having phone sex?"

"No! I was hallucinating!" Ziva cried, seeing quickly he was joking she suppressed a grin.

Tony chuckled quietly, thinking back to when she had said it to him, "How's Claudia and Lucy doing?"

"Good, I've been told by Vance that I have to meet with Claudia once a week," She sighed, "I'll admit, it get's tiring, she didn't quite know how much evil was in the world."

"Well ignorance is bliss."

Ziva nodded, "But it's an excuse to see Lucy, she's so sweet. Last week we had a picnic in the park where we first met, she spilled orange juice all over herself because of her sling." She paused, smiling at the memories. Tony too was overjoyed that she was finally enjoying life. It had taken long, in his impatient manner it was too long. He reminded himself; baby steps. He just knew to live for the moment, it had taken all summer but he finally had a reason to.

**So there's a bit of TIVA fluff! Anyways incase you didn't catch on ZIVA REGAINED HER MEMORY! YAAAAAAAAY! Oh and I heard that reviews are good for clearing writers block ;)**


	22. Chapter 22

**So I've decided that I'll keep writing this fanfic, partially because I re read it and found lots of unanswered areas (Aadan, Kadin?) and also for countrygirl1986! Oh and btw, later on there may be Hebrew, flashbacks and all that stuff, anything written in Italics is either what someone is thinking, a flashback, some other language but just written in english when the characters are speaking say Hebrew. Hope that doesn't confuse anyone but C'MON it'll be pretty darn obvious!**

"When does Alan get back?" Ziva asked, she was at the Watt's home, having a tea with Claudia, whilst Lucy sat colouring in next to them, eager to be part of the adult conversation.

"Five days, his flight gets back at 1:30 Saturday afternoon," She replied automatically, clearly it had been on her mind. She spied Lucy gazing up at them at the mention of her father, "We're very excited aren't we?"

Lucy flashed a toothy grin, nodding her head, "Harold wants to show him his cart wheels, he's very good at them." She giggled quietly, making Ziva smile.

Claudia took a sip of her coffee, "So how did you two actually meet?"

Ziva and Lucy shared a look, "It was about two and a half months ago," Began Ziva, "I walked to the park near here, she was there, we started up a conversation."

"She was sitting on Harold," Lucy chipped in.

Ziva and Claudia both grinned, "Yes, and she offered to show me how to make daisy chains."

"She's not very good," Lucy murmured to herself.

A peaceful silence fell upon them, Ziva noticed Claudia's eyes suddenly grow dark, "Then they shot her," She muttered, glancing at her daughter she asked if Lucy wanted to go play in the garden, the girl happily agreed, skipping out to a small jungle gym.

"Why did they do it?" She gave a pained expression.

Ziva couldn't quite think of how she would know the answer, she wasn't one of them, "It would probably to have been to get back at your husband for something or you for breaking up with Chow." She stated.

Claudia tensed up at the mention of his name, Ziva knew the cause of her haunted eyes, she herself had only just begun to loose it; it was due to being the only woman within reach of raving men. "I hate him," Claudia spat, putting down her drink in frustration, Ziva could see the tears threatening to spill, she watched knowing there was little she could do as Claudia stormed out of the room. Ziva sighed, and got up to go and sit outside with Lucy.

"Can you do this?" She asked happily, hanging upside down from a bar.

Ziva forced a smile, "No I can't, can Harold?"

She swung down, "Nope, he's too tall, his head hits the ground." She sat down on the grass, picking at it, next to Ziva. "Why is mommy so sad?"

"She just misses your daddy a lot," Ziva lied.

"Me too," She gazed around the yard, "Will she get better?"

Ziva paused, regarding her own 'recovery', for the sake of her innocence she again lied, "Of course, it may take a while but once your dad gets back everything will get better," She added a smiled.

The answer seemed to satisfy Lucy who returned to the jungle gym and swung around briefly, before complaining she was tired and had a sore shoulder, which Ziva assumed was still due to the shooting, she went back inside, and announced she was having a nap. Ziva decided it was about time to leave anyway and made her way quietly outside and called a cab to take her back to the Navy Lodge. She took out her phone, groaning slightly when it refused to turn on; it must have been out of battery. Ziva flicked it shut and began walking in the direction of the Lodge. She had been walking for only about ten minutes when a car pulled over near her, despite how she thought she was getting better, it still made her feel jumpy. Ziva focused on keeping her breathing and pace the same as she pretended to ignore the car. She stole a quick glance at it, well more at the driver; a man, with short hair, sun glasses covering his eyes, he also appeared to be looking at her. The realisation of this spurred a shot of fear through Ziva. She averted her gaze further and continued down the path.

"Ziva?" She flicked her eyes towards the car, seeing that the driver was opening his door she quickened her pace. "Ziva slow down!" Ziva purposefully slowed, allowing whoever this was to catch up, to get within her reach. Just as he was inches away she struck out, latching onto his shoulder, driving her knee into his ribs. The man was flung back, gasping for air. "Ziva what the hell?!" He choked out. Causing Ziva to pause her attack, he glanced up and she saw his face properly.

"Tony?" She breathed.

He joked sarcastically, "No it's Jonny Cash, who else would it be?" He gave a wheezy cough, clutching his hurt ribs.

She huffed frustratingly, "Why the hell would you sneak up on me?!"

Tony straightened, wincing slightly, "I didn't Ziva, I called your name," He held up two fingers, "Twice!"

Ziva felt her cheeks redden with embarrassment, she glanced away, "What are you doing here Tony," She sighed.

"Hey I was driving past when I saw you, what are you doing here?"

"Meeting with Claudia," She showed him her phone, "My phone is out of battery so I cannot call a cab back to the Navy Lodge."

"You don't have to walk, I'll drop you off," Tony grinned, beckoning towards his car.

"You do not have to-"

"I know, I want to," He took her hand in his and lead her to the waiting vehicle. It was early autumn, but he was still surprised at how chilly her hand seemed to be, "Your'e so cold," He muttered as the closed the car doors, turning up the heater. He glanced at Ziva, her eyes were suddenly wide, hands clasped into tight fists, jaw clenched shut, pupils darting back and forth. He hadn't seen her like this since the last time he had woken her from a nightmare, he knew she wasn't sitting in the car with him but really she was back in Somalia.

_"Your'e so cold," Aadan murmured, draping his arm around her tiny frame, she glanced up at him through partially swollen eyes. Seeing the stern harsh lines on his face break into a smile, she wished there was some way to bottle the moment. To live the rest of her life in the glass jar where she felt safe. Aadan, how he didn't have to care for her, he could have easily treated her worse than dirt, like the rest of them, yet for some reason he risked his life for her. He had lost his life for her. He died. He didn't have to. But he did. Why? Why did she have to go and waste away, to loose whoever she was in that hell hole? Abba. _

The word echoed around her head, it was all Ziva could hear, until it slowly morphed into her name being called. The cold cell dripped away, revealing the interior of Tony's car. He was calling her name, a intense look of pity in his eyes. Ziva's breathing had become rugged, too fast for her still weak lungs to battle easily. Tony watched helpless as his co worker suddenly drew in a deep breath, as if she had been holding it in for ages, the colour began to flood slowly back into her pale cheeks. Ziva ran her fingers through her hair, glancing briefly at Tony.

"Zi, what was that?" He asked gently.

She took another deep breath, "I don't know," She quickly added, "It was nothing Tony, can we go?"

"Yeah right, that was not nothing! I know a something when I see one and that was defiantly something!" He got only a slight shake of her head for a reply, "Zi, don't do this."

"Do what Tony?" Ziva asked irritated.

"Shut us out, don't fight this alone-"

"It is not yours to bear." She stated.

Tony gently placed his hand on her thin wrist, "Please," She glanced at his face, seeing how earnestly he cared for her, her shield broke slightly.

"You saying that I was cold reminded me of something, see? It is nothing," Ziva mumbled.

"Reminded you of what, of who?" Tony persisted.

Ziva sighed, "There was a guard, he was actually worked for the Somali Military, he was the only one who cared for me," She stated, trying to sound unattached.

Tony mulled briefly over this, it was one of the only things he knew about Somalia, "What happened to him?"

"He was killed, he gave me a knife in case I should ever need it, I threw it at," Her voice wavered slightly, "Him." By her tone Tony knew she meant Saleem, "It had his name engraved on the blade so they knew how I got it."

Tony wasn't quite sure how to respond, so he just gave a pitiful, "Oh." His mind churning with questions he knew she didn't want to hear. There was an awkward pause, before he started up the engine and began to drive back to the Navy Lodge. The rest of the car ride of quiet, Tony's attempts the get Ziva to open up again fell on deaf ears, glancing at her only assured that. Her hands were fidgeting with each other, eyes heavily focused on studying the pattern of the mat on the floor. She didn't even notice when the pulled up to her apartment at the Lodge, he had to fake a cough to bring her back. Tony led her to the door, eager to see where she was staying for the first time; taking in quickly the bare, plain walls.

"Jeez Zi this is depressing," He stated bluntly, she shrugged a reply. Tony inwardly sighed, she seemed to be getting better but the memory of this Aadan had shaken her. An idea suddenly lit up his mind, "I know, why don't you just stay at mine? The spare room's all your's, my food is probably better and my movie selection is by FAR better," He smiled, slightly proud of himself for the idea.

"I don't know Tony," Ziva began, "I meant it when I said it shouldn't be a burden for you."

"No burden Zi, c'mon, don't be embarrassed!"

"I'm not." She stated.

Tony motioned towards the door, "Then what are you waiting for? Movie night awaits!"

Despite earlier Ziva felt a small smile creep onto her lips.

**I forgot to mention but big ups to a guest reviewer! REALLY love the idea of a T & Z holiday so maybe get ready for a smidgen more of Tiva! Sorry to those who hate it all, I just love a good but of fluff! **

**Anyways, REVIEW! I'm trying to have more reviews than chapters so help me out. Yes you. I know you're reading this. REVEIW! **


	23. Chapter 23

**I clearly don't speak or read Hebrew or any other Arabic language so let's not judge and maybe we can pretend I know what I'm talking about, because there may be some references in these next few chapters. Enjoy!**

Tony couldn't help but compare Ziva with the the woman he had brought back to his place after she had called him in the middle of the night, asking for his help. She seemed more alive now, that hollow look gone. Well not completely gone, he had seen it during her flashback. Once they were both inside Tony automatically went over to his wall of movie options; picking out an easy one for them to watch. He finally found one and spun around, noticing immediately how weak and tired Ziva appeared; leaning against the back of the couch, eyes downcast, a duffel bag with some of her belongings sat next to her. He knew that she didn't really want to watch anything, just go to bed; probably to be left alone.

"Hey Zi, you can just go to bed," Tony said gently.

She brought her eyes slowly up to his, forcing a small smile, "I would like that."

He gestured towards the hall, "You know where it all is, want some help with your bags?"

"No I am fine," She answered, a bit too quick. Tony just sighed and watched her leave, whoever this Aadan was, he had brought up something terrible. Suddenly Tony was so frustrated, he was tired of being shut out, lied to and ignored; he cared so deeply about Ziva, why didn't she see that? He HAD to do something about it. The pain he had seen her be in, but not knowing why had nearly killed him. Tony waited around half and hour before knocking quietly on the bedroom door.

"Zi can I come in?"

"Yes," She answered quietly.

Tony walked in, immediately seeing the redness around her eyes, he sat down gently next to her, feeling her lean into him for support Tony reached an arm around her, comforting her. He heard her sniff quietly, "Shh my ninja, it's ok," He whispered quietly.

"No it's not, they're both dead," She muttered between her tears.

Tony was confused as who _they_ were, but continued to comfort Ziva until her tears were dry. He knew she would insist it was nothing, she was just tired, it was a slip of the tongue, but he knew she would be lying. Tony decided to make her talk. "Zi, I know about Aadan, but who is the other person?" She glanced up at him, confused. "You said _they're _dead."

"Tony it was a slide of the tongue," Ziva replied dismissively.

"Slip of the tongue Zi, and no it wasn't," He saw her face close a little, "Don't shut me out! We brought you home, we care for you!" Tony knew he was getting angry, but he couldn't help it, he was so desperate for her to open up.

Ziva sighed, knowing he wouldn't stop until she told him. "In Mossad one of my closest friends was a man named Kadin," Her voice waved slightly at the mention of his name, "He came to bring me home."

"When was this?" Tony interrupted.

"Uh maybe a month before you," He instantly felt a pang of guilt for not rescuing her earlier. "He was captured though," The tears that had glazed over her eyes began to fall again, "He was going to be killed! I had the knife though, so I used it," She paused to take a ragged breath as the memories bombarded her, "He was killed," She choked out.

"God Zi, I'm so sorry," Tony pulled her in and comforted her, rubbing her back gently, feeling his shirt grow damp with tears. Eventually he could tell she had finished crying, "How about a bath?" She nodded numbly, Tony could see that the memories had sapped her energy, he had to basically undress her, running the hot water, help her into the bath. It took all his will not to run his eyes over the damage, he hadn't seen many scars, but when he did for a second glance it sickened him. Ziva lay on her stomach, eyes closed, in the warm, foamy water. Her once beautifully tanned skin was broken. Tony could only describe it as shattered, like a broken mirror. Lower down there was something in Arabic scrawled into her, it took only a moment for Tony to memorise it, he felt his blood begin to boil before he excused himself. Tony dreaded to know what had been carved into his ninja, to try and occupy his mind otherwise he put on the movie he had picked out; _The Princess Bride. _He only lasted about half an hour before he found himself in front of the computer, to find out what it meant.

_Love Daddy. _

Tony felt bile reaching the back of his throat, hatred running through his veins, he got up from the computer and couldn't stop himself from going to find Ziva. He checked the bathroom but found it empty so he went to the spare bedroom, finding her awake, reading a book.

"Tony what are you-" She began.

"Who is Daddy?" He interrupted, knowing it wasn't referring to Eli.

Ziva's eyes widened, she snapped the book shut, "It was what _he _referred to himself as," She said quietly, "You saw, didn't you?" Tony nodded his head, he couldn't help but blame her actual father for what had happened to her. "And you're disgusted aren't you?"

Tony cupped her chin gently in his hand, bringing her gaze to his, "Yes," He saw the look of betrayal and hurt shine in her eyes, "Not in you, God no, in the monsters who did this to you, in Saleem and his dogs, in Eli!"

Her eyes glistened again with fresh tears, he got up to leave, "Tony, can you stay? I cannot face tonight alone."

"As you wish."

**Sorry for the length, it's more a filler chapter than anything! REVEIW!**


	24. Chapter 24

**So, for those who have been asking, soon the whole Eli thing is gonna happen. I have had SO many different ideas about it so I'm excited as to where my fingers take it :) Enjoy xx**

As strong as Tony thought he was he was completely helpless against the nightmares that plagued Ziva that night. For him it seemed that as soon as she drifted back to sleep they were there, waiting for her. He had believed her when she said that the dreams were slowly leaving, but now he was't as sure. Finally the sun began to rise, illuminating the dark circles that had formed under her eyes, Tony was certain he looked the same. He left her to doze; knowing how much she needed it, slightly jealous of her for being able to sleep, and went to have a shower. When he was done he was puzzled; he could have swore he could smell pancakes cooking. Moving into the kitchen he smiled when he saw Ziva standing over the element, frying what was undoubtedly pancakes. She must have remembered; he loved her pancakes.

"Morning Zi, that smells great," He said as he stretched.

"I hope you don't mind, I helped myself to your pantry," Ziva turned around and displayed a plate littered with freshly cooked pancakes, drizzled with maple syrup.

She set it down at the table, Tony and her also sat, he couldn't help but begin to shovel it into his mouth, he hadn't had her pancakes since their movie nights, when they ended late and she stayed over, making breakfast then taking separate cars to work to avoid any awkwardness. "These are _so _good!" He remarked, between mouthfuls. He noticed that she was only nibbling away at one pancake, with a tiny drop of syrup over it. Tony swallowed, "You ok?"

She didn't look at him, "I am nervous."

"About what?" Tony asked, confused.

"I have to go in to NCIS today, Vance is making me phone Eli."

He picked up on the fact she called him by first name, he also wasn't surprised the Director was wanting to be there when she phoned him, she probably would've lied and said she had when she really hadn't. "Want me to drive you in?"

Ziva just nodded, rubbing her tired eyes, "Sorry about last night Tony, I thought maybe if you stayed with me-"

"You don't need to apologise Zi, I would've stayed anyway," He reached forward, running his thumb gently along the top of her hand, she smiled slightly and took her hand in his.

_NCIS_

Vance handed her the phone, number already tapped in, all she had to do was press call. Ziva took it, sitting down awkwardly in one of the chairs in his office. Maybe if she didn't call him, or faked it, deleted the number she wouldn't have to press the green button.

"Stop stalling David," The Director muttered as he moved back behind his desk, pretending to be occupied by a blank piece of paper. She paused, trying to think of a way out of it, out of talking to the man who left her for dead. In the end she couldn't think of one and just clicked the button.

"Put it on speaker, and let's have this conversation in English shall we?" Vance ordered, Ziva shot him a look, which he returned, she sighed and did as he asked.

There was a pause, "Eli," Stated the husky voice on the other end.

"It's me."

"Zivaleh? You're alive?!" The disbelief was evident in his voice.

She huffed, "No thanks to you," Not even trying to hide the bitterness she felt.

"I'll arrange a Mossad agent to accompany you home immediately then," Eli stated, once again taking control of her life.

Ziva glanced at Vance, his questioning look, "That is not necessary Eli, I am not returning."

"What?! As a Mossad agent I order you to-"

"I am no longer Mossad, I have emailed a resignation," She paused, then added, "For personal reasons." Vance noticed that she was trembling slightly, she was obviously struggling with defying the man who had controlled her life.

"Personal reasons? Is it that DiNozzo? Is he the reason?!" Eli snorted.

"No! Try the fact that you knew I was captured by the man who had killed, raped and tortured so many of our agents; and you did nothing," Ziva blurted out, fed up with him.

Eli sighed, "Believe me I wanted to, but the political tensions that would have been-"

"I was your daughter!" Ziva cried out.

"I am-," He began, "Was?"

"You are my father by name only, you are no longer my Abba, you lost that chance ages ago," Vance could easily see that hate in her eyes as she hung up. She all but slammed the phone on his desk, "Happy?"

"Yes, you can leave now David," He wasn't finished talking when she started walking to the door. She made her way back to the bullpen, knowing three sets of eyes were boring into her with questions.

Finally after a silence that went on for too long Gibbs asked, "How'd it go?"

She didn't look at him, her eyes remaining fixated on a scratch in her desk, "I told Eli he is no longer my Abba."

"Good, he doesn't deserve you," Tony muttered protectively.

They were interrupted when Vance strolled towards Ziva, her eyeing him suspiciously. He was carrying the bag that had Ziva's weapons, bar the knife she had slipped into her boot before they were taken, he placed it on her desk.

"Agent David, you psyc eval shows you are not a danger to yourself or others," Ziva felt her cheeks redden at the notion she was previously suicidal, "Here are your weapons back," He gave a small smile then left.

Ziva smiled slightly as she opened the bag, placing each knife or gun slowly into the drawer in her desk.

Tony glanced around at the team, McGee working on his computer furiously, Gibbs had left for another coffee run, Ziva slowly, methodically cleaning her gun. He smiled; it was nearly a normal day in the office.

**What's that you say? NORMAL? I KNOW! Argh! But fret not, the story is not finished by far, those earlier inklings of a finished story are by far gone! Unless I think of the PERFECT ending! REVIEW!**


	25. Chapter 25

**Just thought I'd let you major Ziva fans know that I recently wrote a one shot, named Sincerely Caitlin Todd, basically it's set maybe a week after Kill Ari Part 2 and Ziva is working as Mossad liaison. Everyone else is still mourning Kate's death, when Ziva receives a letter. Not to brag, but I actually really like it. In response to a review I had reg Tony calling Ziva 'Zi', I am honestly not sure either if he called her that, but I will refrain from using it too much, if what you say is true that he never called her that. Thanks for that review I didn't know that! **

It was nearly 1800 when Tony was cleared to go home; Gibbs finally admitting that there was no work for them to do. Ziva had left early, she said she needed to run some errands, although Tony guessed she just wanted to be alone after talking to Eli, sh had very little errands possible for her to do. But he hadn't said anything as she went for the elevator, the bag full of weapons neatly tucked away in her hand. He decided he would swing by the Navy Lodge and invite her for tea, he knew how bad the kitchen facilities were in those small apartments. But once he got there it was obvious she wasn't there, puzzled he tried to think of where she could be.

Giving up he took out his phone, her number already on speed dial, "Yeah Tony?" She asked immediately.

"Hey I'm at the Lodge, I was gonna invite you for dinner, I'm making my special pasta dish, your favourite. But you're obviously not here."

"Uh no I'm not," She paused, "I'm still at NCIS, the shooting range."

_Of course! _Though Tony, "I'll be there in five?"

"Sure," She sighed, not in the mood to argue with him, "See you soon."

"See ya," There was a click and the line went dead.

He arrived at the range in four minutes, glancing around he quickly saw her, ear muffs in, releasing clip after clip into the target. He paused, as always impressed with her accuracy. Only once she ran out of ammo did she stop, taking off the muffs, she must have seen the movement behind her and quickly spun around. She didn't say anything, just clicked the button to bring back the target. The heart and face were obliterated, huge chunks missing from the bullets. Tony smirked when he even saw a few in the groin.

"Tony?" She asked, giving him a quizzical look.

He jerked his head back from the paper cut out, "Sorry, ready to go?"

"You didn't answer my question."

"Question?" He asked, confused.

She finished putting her gun back, putting the muffs on the hook, turning to face him ,"Why are you doing this? Look at you! You barely slept at all last night yet you're back to do it again!"

The lines on his face caused by constant smiles was replaced by a more serious one, he took a step closer, raising her chin with his hand so he could look at her, "Ziva when I said I couldn't live without you I meant it."

Ziva fought for the right response, "But, we, I mean I," She sighed, not able to think of one.

Tony took her hand in his, "Let's go Zee-Vah." He lead her to his car. The ride was taken in mostly silence, only broken by the soft humming of Tony, as he tapped his fingers on the steering wheel. Ziva was too deep in thought to talk anyway. She couldn't be sure, but was that an admission of love? She knew how Tony respected Gibbs' rules, dating a co-worker is a no by his books. There was no way Ziva would act on this if she wasn't sure, she didn't want to make a fool of herself. But even in Somalia, there was a feeling, how much she had yearned for Tony, she could've sworn she had feelings for him, even though she wasn't sure what the feelings were. She barely noticed when they pulled into the parking lot near Tony's apartment.

"Hey Ziva, you ok?" Tony's cautious question brought her back.

She snapped her head up, "Huh? Oh yeah sorry, just thinking," She undid her seatbelt, interrupted by his hand on hers.

"About what?" He asked gently.

She could feel the blood rise to her cheeks, turning them red, "It isn't important Tony," She went to move her hand, but he held it there.

"If you're embarrassed then I _have _to know," He grinned like a child.

She broke eye contact, "Fine. What did you mean when you said you couldn't live without me?"

"Just that, I couldn't live without you," He stated.

"_Just _that?" Ziva asked quietly still not looking at him.

Tony sighed, "Hey," She didn't respond, "Hey!" This time Ziva turned to face him, looking into his eyes. "I care more about you than I going to admit," He grinned, "God Ziva how can you not see how much you mean to this team, to me?" She could see his eyes beginning to shine, face turning red with embarrassment, "I went to Somalia not to find you, to kill Saleem, I _cannot _live without you in my life!" He wiped his eyes, "Honestly my first thought when I heard where you were being held was 'I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers'" Ziva had no idea what he meant but assumed it was another quote, "I was seriously going on a suicide mission because I couldn't live without you, so I had to kill whoever was responsible!" He paused to take a ragged breath, tears beginning to stream down his cheeks.

Ziva too had tears trickling across her face, she cupped Tony's cheek in her right hand, "You know what? This is the first time I have been thankful for Eli in a long time," She continued despite Tony's confused expression, "Now I know that to my team, and you, I am not a emotionless killer, I finally know that I mean something to someone else." She took his hand in hers. "That was what I was thinking about Tony."

**So there we are! Cute Tiva fluff! I know it's a little short but my creative muse seriously needs some help! Writing this I actually had tears in my eyes thinking how Tony can't live without Ziva yet she now no longer works for NCIS… Argh! I need Cote back! Anyways some reviews and ideas would be MUCH appreciated! **


	26. Chapter 26

**Hope you guys have all had great holidays, gotten fat and wanted to rip your ears out to get rid of the Christmas Jingles, I know I have :D Btw with the little Italian phrase, I don't speak Italian, but Google and I are friends ;) **

They had taken to sitting on the couch to watch a movie, much alike when they used to, but something had changed; they were no longer sitting at opposite ends of the couch like friends, they were leaning into each other, Ziva resting her head on Tony's shoulder, his arm draped across her neck. Finally able to take comfort in each other. Tony couldn't believe that the woman who he had had a crush on for years, a crush he would never had have admitted to liked him back. For a while he wasn't even sure he did love her, why did it have to take her being captured and tortured for him to realise? He hadn't noticed she was dozing, leaning on him until she stirred.

"If you want we can go to bed Zee-Vah," Tony suggested.

She stiffened, "Tony, I cannot do that yet I-"

Tony slid out from under her, "God no I didn't mean that! I just noticed you seem to have less nightmares when I'm around," He stated sheepishly.

Ziva smiled, "You know how in yourself you sound?" She replied, glancing at him.

"_Up _yourself, not in yourself, that's just weird," He joked, stretching an arm he had forgotten was around her, he stood, offering his hand to help Ziva stand.

For the first time since she got back she took it, Tony jumping around a little on the inside, he led her into his bedroom, both standing in opposite corners to get changed. Tony accidentally saw her back though. It was still heavily marred, but many of the scars had faded, only there was still redness around the Arabic that was scrawled into her. Tony felt his stomach churn slightly at what those animals had done to her. She pulled her top down and spun around, catching him staring, hatred shining in his eyes.

"Tony-" She began slowly, gently.

He shook his head, "No Ziva don't, that still hurts doesn't it?" He asked sharply, expecting an answer.

She went over to him, standing less than an arms length away she stated, "Only sometimes, you can't do anything about it Tony," Her eyes fell from his.

"But that's the thing! I _could've _done something! I _could've _found you earlier, _could've _stopped you from leaving, _could've _said something!" His voice rose with anger, "But I didn't! I killed your boyfriend then let you go!" He sunk into a sitting position on the bed, tears refusing to stay in his eyes.

Ziva didn't know what to do, she had been relying on others for her strength when she had none, now she had to support others. She sat with him, puling him in close, muttering comforting phrases in Hebrew, realising he couldn't understand she added, "Non è colpa tua," _It's not your fault. _

Eventually he had dried his tears, they lay in bed, mulling over their most recent discovery. Love. The sensation felt foreign to Ziva, sure she had cared for the Michael, but this was different, she was more sure of herself. She wasn't slowly getting to know someone and then deciding she loved them. She hadn't even reached the stage of love with Rivkin, she had with Tony. She hadn't felt loved by someone since Tali had died. It seemed that after her death Eli's shallow pool of compassion dried entirely. Their hands slowly intertwined, she glanced at Tony, he wasn't looking at her but had a smirk that wouldn't leave his face. He looked as if he had accomplished something massive, Ziva supposed he had. She wouldn't admit it but she had craved this feeling for years, burying it in her work and string of lovers until she had all but forgotten about it. She stared at the ceiling, lit only by the light in the hallway, as she still couldn't handle complete darkness, lost deep in the remnants of her past.

"Ziva?" A soft voice broke through and she blinked away the memories.

Not moving she answered, "Yeah."

There was a paused, "I was thinking, DC, it's so depressing, we should go somewhere, on holiday." He sighed, "I know I could use a break."

"Where would we go?" Ziva asked, knowing that the idea from any other man would have been an implication of a sexual weekend away, she shuddered at the notion.

"There is a DiNozzo family cabin out near the lakes, I used to go there as a kid, it's really beautiful," He smiled at the memories, "You can go fishing, canoeing, hiking, all that outdoorsy stuff that I know you love." He rolled over and propped himself on one elbow, twirling one of Ziva's curls in his free hand.

Ziva's eyes darted back and forth as she thought over it, mulling over any possible risks of a flash back, which always resulted in a panic attack. She hated them more than anything, there was no way she was in control of herself when having one. "How open is the cabin?" She asked quietly.

"Open meaning?" Tony replied.

She sighed, "Lot's of rooms?Joint kitchen and living room? That sort of thing," She stated quickly, slightly embarrassed.

"Oh, it's fine, two bedrooms, one bathroom, joint living room and what you could call a kitchen, more of a open fire to have barbecues and stuff," He grinned. "So what do you think?"

She looked at him for the first time, smiling, "As long as you're the one who asks Gibbs."

_NCIS_

"You're going where?!"

Tony sighed, he knew it wouldn't be easy for the bossman to agree, "It's called a _holiday_ Gibbs, it's what normal people do, believe me Ziva wants to be normal."

"Where, with who, how long?" Gibbs asked sharply, not hiding his protectiveness over his daughter.

"Near Deep Creek Lake, there is a old DiNozzo cabin I used to stay in when I was little," He smiled, seeing the serious expression he was faced with he added, "Just us two, five, six days max."

Gibbs took a deep swig of his coffee, "Phone reception?"

Tony shrugged, "It's average, but there's a landline."

"Number?" He asked, quickly scrawling down the number on a piece of paper. His eyes met Tony's, a deep connection passing through them, "You take care of her DiNozzo, no funny business."

Tony held up his hands in mock innocence, "Wouldn't dream of it, my, I mean our ninja would kick my ass!" He grinned, trying to hide his slip up, hoping Gibbs didn't notice.

He got a quick nod in return, he spun around and headed for the elevator, followed by, "Rule 12 DiNozzo."

**Sorry that took so long, I went on holiday and then New Years has crept up on me! Argh life! Anyways big thanks to a guest reviewer who gave me the idea of a wee holiday! Have a good New Years!**


	27. Chapter 27

**So. I looked at the viewing amount for this fanfic and I am pretty pleased at how many there are. BUT that means that with well over 9,000 views and only 24 reviews (thanks ncistwin2!) I was a little bummed out. C'mon! It takes 30 seconds to review so don't be a pooh bum. Review. Oh did I mention only total losers don't review, so you know what to do! Part of this has a flashback, it implies that there was a underground, kind of cellar, thing in Somalia. Let's just pretend there was! Ok? Ok.**

Ziva paused in the doorway of the wooden cabin they were staying in for the next five days. She slowly took in the small building's interior. Wooden walls framed a small living space with two old couches, with brightly coloured rugs draped over them to probably hide any rips, a bookcase sat in one corner near a window. Opposite sat a open fire place, next to it a small cooking bench and sink with drawers, a small assortment of pots an spans sat overhead. To the right was a small room with a toilet and shower system, near it a bedroom with a double bed. Further down there was another smaller room with a single bed, Ziva imagined that was Tony's room when he stayed here as a child. She slowly walked in, running her finger along the book selection, finding herself pleased she moved to down the tight hallway. The smaller room was definatly Tony's; there were old movie posters and action figures littering the walls and floor. In fact the whole cabin seemed slightly messy. As if people had just abruptly stopped coming here, without cleaning the place up at all.

"You ok?" Tony asked, he had brought in their bags, a placing them at the door of the master bedroom, smiling slightly to himself as he looked around. "Hasn't changed a bit," He muttered quietly to himself. He glanced at Ziva who was smirking at him from inside the smaller room. "What?"

"So this was Anthony DiNozzo's bedroom," She teased.

He blushed lightly, "Nah, Anthony DiNozzo's me old man, this was _Tony _DiNozzo's room," He glanced around the walls, at the various posters and drawings, picking up a small toy solider form the floor.

"Even as a child you seem to have been messy," Ziva observed.

Tony shrugged, "I didn't get to tidy up before we left after-" He stopped himself, "Doesn't matter," He gestured towards the master bedroom, "You unpacking?" She smiled a reply, following him into the old room, with it's outdated furniture and wallpaper. They sorted out their belongings for half an hour before moving into the living room, Ziva now in a thick hoodie and comfortable, loose pants for warmth. Tony poked gingerly at the ashes in the fire, he looked in a small basket that probably used to contain firewood. He paused, smiling to himself as he kicked a mat a bit until a door the a cellar was clear. He grunted slightly, much to Ziva's amusement, and managed to open it, sending dust flying everywhere. Ziva started coughing at the dust, waving a hand around to try and distribute it around the room.

"Sorry, this place hasn't been used in _ages!" _Tony laughed as Ziva pulled a face at the light powder still floating around. She watched as Tony walked down the steps, flicking on the light as he went.

There was a pause, "Hey ninja I could use your help down here!" Tony called, Ziva grinning as she walked over to the cellar. Only once she got there and looked down into the gloomy, dimly lit area did she freeze.

_They dragged the near-empty shell of a human down the stairs. It had been one of two rules Saleem had made in regards to having one's way with their captive. Rule One was to ask first for permission from him. Rule Two was that it had to be done in the purpose built cellar. He openly hated to mix pleasure with his business. Upstairs was pain, below pleasure. They threw the naked woman onto a small bed, bolted to the ground in the middle of the room, to stop it moving. After a brief struggle, they managed to manipulate her weakened frame, one person was on each limb, into the position they desired; wrists chained above her head, ankles spread to the end bedposts. They stood back to admire their handiwork, the squirming woman still pulling uselessly on the chains, an expression of pure fear on her bruised face. One by one they advanced and violated her, only one of them refusing, stating he had already enjoyed himself in her cell, as per Saleem's instructions. The whole ordeal was silent on her part, jaw rigid, muscles holding it shut. After a while her eyes glazed over, focusing out the pain and humiliation, seeing only they eyes of the man who had refused. The rest of his face was hidden by a bandana but the green shone through. So like the man she left behind. Tony. _

"Ziva!" She blinked away the remnants of the memory, finding herself on the couch, knees drawn up against her chest, arms wrapped around them. She must have stumbled back onto the old leather furniture. Tony was kneeling in front of her, worry etched on his face. She could still feel their raving hands on her body, shredding her dignity to nothing. Tony wasn't touching her, but now he reached over and tentatively rubbed her arm. Ziva didn't look at him, but jerked her arm away quickly, eyes still clouded over, still in Somalia. She latched onto Tony's wrist, quickly twirling her arm, standing, she attempted to put him in an arm lock. But her movements were slower than Tony expected, he managed to hold both her small wrists in one hand, gently he brushed her loose hair out of her face, making her look up at him.

"Ziva it's Tony, you're safe!" He hushed gently.

She flicked her eyes up at him, gaze intensifying as she zoned in on his green eyes. Confusion then recognition swept over her face, "Tony," She murmured, shoulders sagging, she leant into his embrace, tears sliding down her red cheeks. "I just want them gone," She muttered, more to herself than Tony.

He was rubbing her back gently to try to calm her, "I know ninja, me too." They sunk into the couch, leaning into each other.

"You have the same eyes," Ziva murmured.

Tony paused, confused, "Same as who?"

"Aadan." She stated.

He sighed, he had wanted to take her here to get away from all this, but within an hour Somalia had caught up on them. "Look Ziva, I am sorry about everything, I hoped coming here would make it easier, we can go home if you want."

Ziva wiped her eyes, sitting up to look at Tony, "No I want to stay, I haven't had a holiday that didn't involve work in years, I need this!"

Tony held up his hands, "Ok we can stay," He paused, "Look it's gonna freeze tonight, and we can't cook without the fire, can I go down to the cellar?"

Her cheeks flushed, "Yes! It's me that's the problem not you!"

"Hey you are NOT a problem young lady!," Tony huffed as he went down the steps to get some wood. He appeared a few moments later, arms laden with chopped up wood, dumping it randomly in the fire place.

He turned to look at Ziva, hearing her chuckle slightly, "What?"

"Do you know what you're doing?" She giggled.

"Duh Zee-Vah, it's called a fire, you put wood in, chuck in a match and there! Fire!"

She raised her eyebrows, "No! You need some easy burning, smaller bits at the bottom, then stack slightly thicker bits on top, leaving lots of room for air, THEN you place the big stuff on!" She laughed at his incompetence.

Tony looked back and forth from Ziva to the fireplace, holding up a bit of timber, "Show me ninja." She rolled her eyes but went over to him and slowly showed him how to arrange the kindling, lighting it, then gradually adding the bigger bits. They soon had a roaring fire, blasting warmth through the small cabin. Tony went over to the chilly bin, leaving Ziva sitting cross legged near the flames, he took out a small plastic bag. Placing a small frypan on a grill positioned over the fire, he unwrapped the bag and carefully put two steaks on the pan.

He smiled at Ziva, "Hey fillet steak is the treat tonight, tomorrow we're going fishing on the lake." He went over and peeked out the curtains at the early winter forest, "Even if it snows tonight."

"I hope it doesn't, I don't like the snow much, anyway where's the lake?"

Tony paused, "I thought you've lived in Russia?"

She shot him a look, "So? As you say I'm a desert dweller," She smirked, "Where's the lake?"

"About a half hours walk from here," He stated, turning the steaks. He knew how much Ziva would enjoy the short hike. He got up and opened all the drawers in the small kitchen before finding a glass jar. He presented it to Ziva.

She swirled it around, studying the contents, "Peaches?"

Tony nodded, "Mum used to bottle them every summer, it's the last jar," He pulled hard on the lid, grunting he put it between his legs, using both hands to pry the lid off. "It's our dessert!" He cried as the lid popped off. They were soon eating steaks and potato crisps, leaning against each other for both comfort and support, Tony glad the whole fire situation had brought their focus off Somalia. Tasting the peaches Ziva stated they were the best peaches she'd ever had. As the final rays of sunlight drafted through the crack in the curtain Tony knew this had been a good idea.

**I actually really liked writing this chapter! You know the deal, please review! Remember don't be a total loser! Oh and yes I wrote potato crisps because I wanted to say chips but most other places think I mean hot chips. Gah to that. Anyways hope you are all enjoying your summer, or your winter :) **

**xx**


	28. Chapter 28

**Just for you guys I ended up writing a longer chapter than expected, I just couldn't find a way to finish! Enjoy!**

Tony woke with a start. Looking at his watch it said it was 6:30 in the morning yet the room seemed very bright. He glanced at Ziva's sleeping form; quiet snores escaping her drooling lips, he sighed. They had both been awoken near midnight by a blood curdling scream as she had been ripped away from Saleem's clutches only to find her self in Tony's arms as he hushed her cries. He wanted to get her to open up but nearly every time it had resulted in less sleep. Rubbing the sleep from his eyes he stumbled over to the window, drawing back the curtain he was confronted with harsh rays of bright sun, reflecting off the thick snow that littered the forest. Tony moved silently into the living area, adding some more wood to the glowing embers, it had sickened him to think of what memories that cellar had provoked. Thankfully though, Ziva seemed to brighten up after showing Tony how to prepare the fireplace properly. He pulled out the muesli and fished around for the milk which he had stored outside last night, knowing the bitter air would keep it cool. Finding it half frozen he placed it near the fire to melt as he went to wake Ziva. Pausing in the doorway to their bedroom he grinned, racing outside to get some snow. He gently placed a small portion on her ear, watching a few thick drops roll both down her neck and down her ear drum. The effect was instantaneous, Ziva jerked awake, attempting to attack whoever it was that had disrupted her sleep.

"Tony!" She yelled, rubbing the fragments of snow left over that hadn't melted off herself she threw a pillow at him.

He held up his hands in mock innocence, "What Zee-Vah? Oh and by the way you got a little something," He indicated towards her cheek where a stray bit of spit lay.

Embarrassed slightly she wiped it off, "What time is it?"

"Uh about 6:45," He moved over towards her, "Close your eyes."

Confused she asked why, Tony just grinned mischievously. Sighing she placed her hands over her eyes as Tony led her to the window. "Ok, open."

A slight gasp escaped Ziva as she gazed at the beautiful snow that lay spread across the area. "Wow, it looks wonderful," She gushed.

"Well then you'll enjoy our hike, the lake won't be frozen over and the fish will be nearer the surface for the warmth," Tony stated as they got changed. After a small meal of muesli and milk they packed someday rations then left. They were soon walking through thick bush, bird song flittering down around them. They path was mostly clear of snow due to the foliage overhead sheltering it so the walk wasn't too difficult. It led them through a small valley between two steep inclines. After about ten minutes of walking the conversation started up again.

"Thanks Tony, this is wonderful," Ziva happily chirped.

"No problem Zee-Vah, you enjoying the snow?" He teased.

Ziva was walking behind Tony and he didn't notice when she leant up and tugged on a snow laden branch over him. Snow poured down on him, as he yelped in a higher octave than Ziva expected.

"What the hell Ziva?!" He angrily huffed.

"Nothing, I am enjoying the snow quite a lot Tony," They exchanged a look, before sprinting in opposite directions, flinging handfuls of snow at each other. In the intense snow fight that followed the only sound that could be heard above the rapid pounding if snow balls was giddy laughter and the occasional complaint of Ziva's snow having stones in it. Eventually Ziva hid in the brush, managing to sneak up on Tony, dumping an armful over him as he knelt in the snow. He grabbed her ankle and dragged them both to the ground, fits of laughter from both of them. They were completely soaked, hands numb with the cold, Ziva's braid had partially come out but they were completely happy. Tony stood, shaking his head to fling the remaining snow from his hair, helping Ziva up they continued, Tony now walking _behind _Ziva. They talked about everything; work, the team, movies and books, what they could do whilst on holiday, laughing at the prospect of both Tim and Abby working a case together. Tony was trying to explain that the snow fight wasn't fair as he was against a ninja, Ziva stating that ninjas wear black clothing so for a snow fight that would be a disadvantage, when all of a sudden the brush cleared and they were faced with a picturesque lake. It was shimmering in the morning sun, the fringes slightly icy, wrapped with trees and bushes. They paused, in awe of the beauty, Ziva crying out in excitement when she spotted a deer at the waters edge. Tony smiled as he led her towards a small shed that lay unused, probably for years. With Ziva's help they dragged out a small dingy and found some fishing poles.

"Don't you need bait Tony?" Ziva asked, hands on hips.

Tony sighed, "Don't you need to look in your bag Ziva?"

Ziva looked at him, intrigued, opening her hiking bag and finding a small plastic bag, "You made me carry the bait?"

"Call it special ninja training Zee-Vah," He grinned as she huffed, handing him the bag. He added that to the contents in the dingy, pushing it towards the lapping water. "Now say thank you to your wonderful sensi!"

She pulled a face, "This oar looks very strong," She picked it up in one hand, "It could do some damage." She smirked at him.

"Point taken," Tony replied. He stood up and stretched his back, "Ok so we've got food, water, fishing stuff, oars and a dingy," He looked around at Ziva's expectant expression, "Oh and you of course!" He smiled and lifted Ziva easily into the small boat, ignoring her squeals of protest. He silently slid the rest of the dingy into the water, leaping somewhat ungracefully into the boat. He took an oar in each hand, putting them in the ruts and began to slowly, rhythmically rowing towards the centre of the lake. Ziva leant back onto the round hull, closing her eyes against the bright light, feeling the warmth on her face. She was so calm, lulled into it by the gentle swaying of the dingy, she didn't even notice when Tony stopped rowing.

"Hey Zee-Vah, you gonna help?" He asked, holding out a fishing rod, already baited. Ziva smiled and took it, easily flicking the hook far out into the water, Tony doing the same, twitching his wrist occasionally in an attempt to attract some fish. It took a while but Ziva suddenly cried out in excitement, scaring the small groupings of ducks that were scattered randomly across the lake, as her line went taut. Tony soon forgot his own line and moved over to help Ziva. Even though he knew she would never admit it he could see she was struggling with the fish.

'_Perfect, that probably means it's a biggie!' _He thought to himself.

Tony went to wrap his arms around Ziva's to help her pull the line in together. She jerked her shoulders away. "I can do it myself Tony," She snapped.

"Woah ninja, just trying to help," He replied quickly.

He got a slight grunt in rely as Ziva worked harder to reel the fish in. Suddenly there was a flash of white beneath the surface as a large trout broke the water in an attempt to get free. "God Ziva it's huge!" He cried out. The line slackened slightly as Tony saw Ziva's tired arms loosened in fatigue. Tony leant over and put his hands on hers to help.

"Tony I have got this!" Ziva blurted out, through gritted teeth.

"Sure thing, but I want fish for dinner so shut up," Tony snapped back.

They groaned and grunted but eventually managed to pull in the large fish. Ziva sat back, panting from the effort as she still wasn't up to her full strength, Tony quickly smacked it's head to kill it. He grinned at Ziva, who's face was bright red with excursion. He held it up by the tail, running a hand along the scales.

"He really is beautiful," Ziva murmured to herself, gazing at the colours the radiated throughout the fish.

Tony looked up to see the woman sitting opposite him, the round chocolate orbs, perfect shade of skin, hair that whisped gently in the breeze, a look of grace that was uncanny for someone who had just hauled in a 15 pound fish almost single-handedly.

"What?" She asked.

Tony grinned, "You really are beautiful Ziva."

She looked away, laughing, "You are _so _lame Tony!"

"No seriously!" Tony replied, cheeks blushing slightly.

"Is that a bit of red cheek I see?" She teased.

"C'mon that's not fair!" Tony cried sitting up more. Ziva glanced at the water and back at Tony quickly, a sly grin on her face. "Hey Ziva, don't!" Tony warned. But it was too late, Ziva sprang forward and gave him a strong shove, sending him tumbling over the edge of the dingy, into the water. He came up quickly, spluttering with the cold, Ziva laughing with glee.

"Oh that's funny is it?" Tony huffed, treading water surprisingly gracefully, considering he was weighted down with thick clothing.

Ziva nodded, still laughing, "Pretty much!" Tony swam back over to the dingy, fingers just holding onto the edge of it.

"You gonna help?" He asked, holding out a hand.

Ziva paused, then took it, but was jerked into the water as Tony latched onto her hand, pushing with his feet off the boat, sending her sailing over his head. When she didn't come up as soon as Tony expected, he felt worry spread through him. He paddled over to where she had landed, glancing around and not seeing her, worry turned to near panic.

"Ziva!" He yelled, part of him knowing that she wouldn't be able to hear him underwater. Suddenly he was pulled under the surface of the frigid lake, his mind flashing to a similar Jaws scenario. He came up for air and saw Ziva bobbing next to him, still laughing.

"Scared you!" She teased.

Tony huffed, "Not _scared,_ just worried."

"Suit yourself," She stated, swimming easily over to the dinghy, hauling herself up into it, she sat back, wringing the water out of her hair.

"Uh hello? A little help here?" Tony called, still in the water.

Ziva peeked over the side, "No help from me!" She held up the fish, "Unless you want _my _fish to pull you up!"

"Hey I assisted the fishing, not _all _your fish!"

"Well, seeing as you're in the water and I'm not, what are you going to do about it?" She replied cheekily.

"Fine! I'll help myself!" Tony huffed as he dragged himself up the dingy, purposefully shaking like a dog to spray water on Ziva. "Wow that was cold, thanks Zee-Vah!"

"Anytime Tony," She replied, hand on the oar.

Tony stammered, "How about I row back?"

"Good idea," Ziva hummed back.

Soon they were both dragging the dingy back up the shore, into the shed. Tony this time had the fish in his bag as Ziva countered she both caught it and carried the bait. She flicked a small bit of leftover bait at Tony, him spinning around. "Want another swim Miss David?"

"Certainly not Mr DiNozzo," She replied, face turning to mock seriousness.

"Hmmm, that's a shame, because I really do!" Tony lunged for Ziva, but she easily stepped around him, taking off sprinting down the track. He followed suit, chasing after her. It took nearly ten minutes of running but he eventually caught up with her, but Tony suspected Ziva had slowed to allow them to jog back together. They ran at a brisk pace, to stop from getting too cold in the late afternoon sun. They made it back to the cabin just as the sun began to set. Tony stoaked the fire back up again, pulling the couch closer and sitting next to it to dry, Ziva scaled the fish and prepared it with some herbs and spices she had insisted on bringing, wrapping it in tinfoil, placing it in the hot embers to cook before sitting down next to Tony.

"Hey I don't know about you but I am still wet as anything, I'm stripping!" He grinned as he unzipped his jacket.

Ziva's eyes widened, "I should hope not Tony!"

"Relax, just to my jockeys!" Tony chuckled as he peeled his semi-dry clothing off, till he was wearing nothing but his underwear and socks, he went and got a fluffy, warm, rug from a cupboard, wrapping it around himself. He handed another to Ziva. "Oh c'mon Ziva! It's what a holiday's all about!"

She sighed, "I am _not _stripping in front of you Tony!"

"Why not? Just to ya bra and undies or whatever," He grinned, "Or less."

Ziva shot him a look but quickly pulled off her windbreaker and thermals, sliding off her track pants, layering the rug around her bare skin. "That better dry tonight."

"Oh I'm sure it will," Tony smiled, pleased with himself, he thought it would have been harder to get Ziva to show any skin that would bare it's fair share of scars from Somalia, he was surprised she had complied so easily.

They nestled together on the couch as their dinner cooked, gazing happily into the fire.

"Do you think this breaks Rule 12?" Tony asked quietly.

There was a slight pause, "Rule 12 is 'Don't date a co worker', we're not dating, we're just-" Ziva paused, unsure of what to define them as.

"Madly in love?" Tony teased, receiving a jab in the ribs as a reply. He glanced at Ziva, who was huddled against him, cross-legged on the couch. The rug that was draped over her small frame had slipped slightly, showing marring lines criss crossing underneath her bra strap. "Ziva?"

"Yeah?" She mumbled sleepily.

He paused, unsure of how to word what he wanted to say, "Am I ever going to know what happened?"

He felt her stiffen slightly, "It is the past Tony, please let it stay there."

"Ziva, there is no line between past and present, catching the fish; that was past, yet we'll probably talk about it to the team." Tony tried to reason.

"That fish is something to be proud of Tony! I cannot find any sense of pride in what happened!" Ziva snapped back sharply.

"Imagine Tali-" Tony began.

"Do not mention her, not now, please," Ziva pleaded quietly.

"Imagine Tali dies-" Tony interrupted.

"She did!" Ziva cried, pulling away from him, the rug falling off, displaying the majority of her scars.

"Imagine Tali dies, well you are told she is dead, but it turns out she has been held at a terrorist camp for three months. So you go and rescue her, she is scarred, physically and mentally. She won't open up, tell you what happened, no matter how many times you ask." He paused, "But you _need_ to know, every time you try she blocks you out. Imagine how that feels Ziva."

Tear began to trickle down Ziva's face, her eyes fell down to her lap, "I'm sorry Tony, I didn't realise," Her voiced cracked, she slid back into Tony's arms, into his embrace. "Not now, but trust me when I say this, I _will _tell you."

Tony fed her a expectant look, "When?"

"This week, when I am ready," She stated quietly. A sob escaping her mouth.

"Shh, it's ok Ziva." Tony murmured, bringing her closer, rubbing her back, "I've got you, you're fine Ziva, you're safe."

**There amaia, is that serious(ish) enough for you? Expect more where that came from! Hope you enjoyed it!**


	29. Chapter 29

**As you guys could probably tell I know NOTHING about fishing so sorry for that last chapter, it is probably all complete rubbish when it came to the fishing… Also I am struggling for more ideas for T & Z during this wee holiday, so any ideas would be amazing, leave them in a review! Double also I know that three is very young for a horse to plough anything but just go along with it! **

After Ziva had calmed down Tony unwrapped the fish from the embers and tin foil. Placing half of it evenly on two plates, layering some jacket potatoes that they had also placed in the fire to cook, he rewrapped the rest of the fish for later, putting it in the chilly bin they had brought. He handed a plate to Ziva, sitting down beside her.

"Gee Ziva this is good!" Tony exclaimed after a mouthful of fish.

Ziva smiled, "Be careful, I put a lot of spices in my food."

"Please, we DiNozzo's pride ourselves on our strong palates!" Tony scoffed back, taking a huge bite. His happy expression soon changed to sombre, he began breathing through his mouth as his cheeks turned red, eyes watering. "Just how much spice is in here?" He rushed over to the cupboards, grabbing a bottle of water, downing nearly half of it, in an effort to settle the fire raging in his mouth.

Ziva shrugged, "Not _that_ much, but I'm probably used to it," She grinned as she took another bite. "I warned you to take it slow," She carefully placed some in her hot potato. Tony glared at her but walked back over, bottle in hand. "Have it with the potato then it won't seem as hot," Ziva instructed, Tony watching her for a second, then following suite.

He carefully took another mouthful, "That's better, you should know I can't handle all that!" He huffed, mouth still full of food.

"Oh I thought you DiNozzo's could handle it!" Ziva teased, receiving only another glare in return. They soon both finished, sitting back against the couch, watching the fire, Tony's arm around Ziva's shoulder.

"I think I'm going to put on my pyjamas," Ziva informed as she stood to get changed, still wrapped up in the thick rug.

Tony held her hand, "What? Don't be such a sissy, sit back down, I need to teach you a game." Ziva rolled her eyes as she sat back down, looking at Tony expectantly.

"Well? What game?"

Tony smiled, "It's a DiNozzo tradition-"

"Like the strong palate?" Ziva interrupted.

"Hush ninja, I used to play it as a kid, whenever we came here, every night we would take turns to tell each other one thing that no one else knows about them," Tony grinned again, he knew next to nothing about Ziva's past and thought this would be a great away to get her to open up.

Ziva paused, "Fine, you go first."

Tony thought about something to tell her. Ziva waited nearly a minute before he spoke. "When I was six I went to my grand parent's place out in the country. It was the stereotypical farm; red barn, pet chickens, horses, cows, sheep even a goat. Anyway one day I went for a walk and found a big willow tree, I decided I was going to build a massive tree hut, with a swing and fireman's pole. It was going to be awesome, but I got bored after probably only twenty minutes, so I started throwing rocks into the small creek that was next to the tree. There were some ducks and I accidentally hit a duckling, I thought I killed it, totally freaked out and started crying. But I hadn't, probably broke it's wing or something, but it hobbled over to me, sitting at my feet. I figured it was saying he forgave me. So I took him home, named his Mr Waddles and had a pet duck for the next five years." They both laughed at the memory.

"What happened to him?" Ziva asked smiling.

Tony shrugged, "Don't know, he lived in a old bathtub out in our garden, maybe he flew off or something, got home from boarding school at the end of the year and he was gone, I think Dad got rid of him."

"That's actually a pretty funny story," Ziva laughed, leaning in closer to Tony. He grinned back.

"So what about you? I bet there's some wonderful stories of a young ninja up in there," He tapped the top of Ziva's head.

"Let me think," Ziva snapped, brow furrowing in concentration. Tony opened his mouth to get her to hurry, she hushed him easily with a hand over his mouth. "Got it. My uncle Ahron bred Arabian horses."

"Uncle on who's side?" Tony interrupted.

She shot him a look, "Don't bum in! I didn't when you mentioned your grandparents!" Ziva huffed. Tony not bothering to correct her idiom. "Every summer when I was younger we all went up there to stay with him for a week, he lived on a big ranch, it was beautiful. I had a favourite horse; a bay mare with four white socks and a white blaze. Her name was Naftali, it means deer. She was very small, but swift, agile and fast, I used to ride her up to the mountains every morning to watch the sun rise with Tali. Ahron also had a plough horse, nick named Shimshom; meaning 'as powerful as the sun', they were left alone in the same paddock, and well next year Naftali had a foal. A colt, Ahron named him Elton, but I called him Tzvi, which actually also means deer. He was as fast and agile as Naftali, yet as strong as Shimshom. I loved him, one summer when he was three I went with Ahron to the market, there was a competition, a rich business man was trying to introduce tractors, as oppose to plough horses. My uncle got in an argument with him, saying that horses have a yearn to please their master, they never give up and are intelligent, making them better than tractors. So they had a race, first to plough a paddock." Ziva smiled at the memory, "The tractor was far ahead, but it broke down on the last turn of the paddock, leaving Tzvi to win. Ahron was going to sell him that day, but decided not to." She turned back to Tony who was watching him, he seemed fascinated.

"That's a really nice memory Ziva, you are a good story teller," He said sincerely.

Ziva smiled, "It _was _a nice story," She shoved him gently, "Better than a boy hitting a duck with a rock!"

"Hey, I'll do a proper story tomorrow!" Tony argued back, "Some stories are meant to be funny." He added grudgingly.

Ziva yawned, "What time is it?"

Tony glanced at the clock on the wall, "Uh 10:30, tired?"

"A little, the walking, snow fighting, fishing, swim and run were all pretty exhausting," She admitted.

Tony stood, without saying anything he scooped Ziva and her rug up, "Tony what are you doing?!" She squealed.

"Helping you to bed," He stated, he walked them into the bedroom, setting Ziva gently down on the bed, she looked up at him, silently asking him what that was all about. "Can't a guy be romantic?" He teased.

"You are _so _lame!" Ziva sighed, mirroring her comment earlier that day.

He lay down next to her, "And you are _so_ beautiful."

**Day one complete! PLEASE, I am gonna need some more ideas for what to do during this wee holiday so please help me out! Do excuse the beautiful comment, couldn't resist! **


	30. Chapter 30

**CHAPTER 30!**

**Hola readers :) in reply to a guest review, I don't like seeing Tony as incompetent, I just found it funny for him to have to let Ziva show him how to do the whole fire thing :) The song in this chapter is a few lines from a Hebrew lullaby, I honestly know nothing about it, it's called night by night and all I did was youtube 'Hebrew Lullaby in English'… Good effort I know. Thought that counts? **

"Tony?" Ziva grumbled out, half asleep, as Tony gently shook her awake. She sat up, quickly forcing away the small amount of fear, she is only used to waking in the middle of the night for one reason, when the men were alone, they often realised they could have more fun then sleeping. Wiping the sleep from her eyes, along with a live of semi-dried spit from her lip she looked up at Tony, confused. "What time is it?"

"Midnight, well just past," Tony grinned at her, Ziva noticed he was dressed for another hike. "C'mon get dressed." He ordered.

"Why?" Ziva asked, not moving from under the warm covers.

"Now Zee-Vah, that would spoil the surprise!" He replied, enjoying having a slight upper hand on Ziva. She rolled her eyes, but got changed anyway, albeit somewhat sleepy they made their way outside, Tony with a large backpack on his shoulder.

"I gonna do a Gibbs, Rule #1; no looking up. Rule #2; no throwing snow, it's late and I don't want to get wet," Tony ordered immediately, Ziva managing to resist the urge to look up, she nodded and followed Tony down a small, unused track. She did at one point glance up, but saw nothing as the foliage was too thick. They walked in silence, Ziva was too sleepy to be bothered to keep up a normal conversation, she focused on watching the air escaping her mouth in clouds of steam. Almost fascinated by the gentle sway of the puffs to barely notice they started to climb uphill.

"Where are we going Tony?" She huffed, she had lost a lot of her fitness and was still working on getting it back.

Tony turned, giving Ziva a look, "Surprise Ziva, not saying anything else." He resumed walking. After about twenty minutes Tony stopped, Ziva could see that the path led out of the brush, onto what looked like a clearing at the top of a hill. "Ok ninja, close your eyes."

"Tony-"

"Close em," He said firmly, sighing she did so, allowing herself to be led out of the forest, sitting down on a blanket that was to keep them dry, "Don't open," Tony reminded her as he draped another blanket over her, sitting down next to her, snuggling in close for warmth, she could hear him rummaging around in his back, pulling something out, unscrewing a lid. The smell of hot chocolate filled the air, Tony pressed a thermos into Ziva's cold hands.

"Ok, open," Tony whispered gently. Ziva did so, confused at first, before looking up. The night's sky was framed in dark clouds, a full pearl lay in one corner, shining it's light down on the world below, turning the edges of the clouds into small rainbows. The clouds had parted to reveal a brilliant dark navy blanket poked full of holes in which specks of light burst through. The stars showed not just one but an artist's collection of colours and patterns, randomly placed, yet perfectly ordered. Ziva let a small gasp escape her mouth, Tony smiling at her reaction. She grinned in wonder, watching as flecks of light danced across the sky, ending as they started, out of no where. She looked at Tony, her expression conveying what words couldn't.

She leant her head on his shoulder, "Thank you Tony," She whispered in a hushed voice.

"Ti amo Ziva," Tony replied, returning his gaze to the stars above, taking a sip from the hot chocolates he brought up with him, along with the blankets.

Ziva closed her eyes briefly, humming a gentle tune to herself.

"Sing it," Tony murmured.

She looked at him, "What?"

"You're a really good singer, can you sing that song to me?" He asked.

Ziva paused, "It's in Hebrew."

"So? I'm sure you could translate it," Tony quickly replied.

She smiled, "Fine." She drew in a deep breath, "_Night by night, the wind is rising, night by night, the treetop is humming, night by night, the lone star is rising," _By this point Tony had stopped watching Ziva, his eyes floating above to the twinkling lights overhead, she leant into him again, her voice just louder than a whisper, "_Sleep oh sleep, close your eyes, sleep oh sleep, turn off the light, sleep oh sleep, close your eyes, night by night, on the road to your heart,"_ She hummed the tune a little longer, gazing up at the stars.

Tony leant down and kissed the top of her head gently. Murmuring into her hair, "I love you."

Ziva looked up at him, 'I love you too." Returning her gaze back above them. Without looking away she spoke, "Once I had a mission in Siberia, I was stationed at a mountain outcrop, sniper position," Tony could easily imagine her, clad in a white camoflage to match the snow covered land, methodically waiting for her target. "I waited for two weeks before the man I was told to take out came into range, he was staying in a small mountain ski resort, a really rich place, he was rich from human trafficking and drug smuggling. Just as I went to fire, the night sky lit up. It was as if a night time rainbow had been formed, I don't know the term in english.

"Aurora borealis, the southern lights," Tony stated, he had never seen it, but figured that was what she was talking about.

Ziva smiled, "Aurora borealis," She repeated, Tony noticing that whenever she said a word she wasn't familiar with a slight accent shone through, he admitted to himself he loved her small accent. "I couldn't actually pull the trigger, I was so mesmerised by the sight, the Milky Way galaxy was overhead, vertically cutting right through the middle of my line of vision, the _aurora borealis_ splashing throughout it." She lost her smile, "It was the first mission I failed, Eli was furious that I was distracted by the sky, stating that he knew he should've sent Ari, not me, he said men were better soldiers," She looked away, shame slightly evident on her face.

"How old were you?" Tony asked, it must have been a while ago, if Ari was still around.

"23," Ziva stated quickly, he noticed her voiced caught slightly. He couldn't believe that a father could send his 23 year old daughter on a mission, well he could believe that bastard Eli would do something like that.

Tony shifted awkwardly, "How many constellations can you name Ziva?"

She looked at him, "What?"

"Constellations ninja, how many can you name?" He paused, "All I know is the big dipper."

"Oh, uh I don't know," She muttered, although Tony suspected she knew a few more than she was letting on.

"Go on, show me," He urged.

She sighed, scanning the sky briefly. Ziva pointed towards the top right corner of the sky, "That bright star?" Tony nodded, "That's the nose of The Great Dog, one of Orion's hunting companions." She traced a straight line to the left, "The three stars, like a belt? That's the belt of Orion," Tony paused, eyes frantically searching for it.

"Got it, he's the one with the bow and arrow right?"

"Shield and club Tony," Ziva corrected, smiling.

Tony looked down at her, "What's funny?"

Ziva grinned, "For years you have corrected my American idioms, it feels good to correct you for once."

Tony shoved her playfully, "Hey!" She continued smiling, gulping down the last of her hot chocolate, leaning against Tony.

This was how they woke hours later, the sun's rays glimpsing over the mountains, entangled together, rug wrapped between them, slightly wet from the morning dew. They got up, stretching and slowly, sleepily made their way back to the cabin.

"We're lucky it was such nice weather last night, given it's winter and all," Tony mused.

Ziva smiled, "If it had started to snow, you would have carried me back."

"I don't doubt that ninja," Tony replied. "You're just lucky also because you have such a thoughtful man to scrape the snow on the ground." They draped the blankets over the backs of the couch, adding small amounts of wood to the smouldering fire.

"Seeings as we did heaps yesterday and last night, want a lazy day here?" Tony asked when they were changed.

Ziva's yawn seemed to answer for her but she added, "Sure thing," Stretching and picking a book from the shelf, settling down on the couch.

Tony made some cold fish sandwiches for brunch, leaving them on the counter, to get if they wanted them, he paused, "They don't have a TV here," He sounded slightly disappointed.

"I'm sure that there is some toy soldiers for you to use Tony," Ziva muttered quietly.

"Heard that," Tony shot back, smirking to himself. A phone started ringing, they both looked at each other, "It's not mine," Tony stated.

"Nor mine," Ziva responded. Tony leaped over to the kitchen, mulling around in the cupboards before pulling out a old fashioned phone, it wasn't wireless. Ziva shot him a questioning look, Tony just shrugging as he answered.

"Tony DiNozzo." He paused, "Oh hey boss. Going good yeah, is there snow in DC?" His face fell, "He wants to speak to you."

Ziva got up and took the phone from Tony, "Hi Gibbs."

"Ziver, just checking up on ya, Tony behaving?" The marine's husky voice asked.

"Not at all, he pulled me into the lake yesterday," Ziva answered.

"She pushed me in first!" Tony yelled over his shoulder for Gibbs to hear.

Gibbs laughed, "That's my girl, heard it snowed there."

"It's beautiful Gibbs," Ziv paused, her face going serious, "Uh Gibbs?"

There was another pause, "Some rules are meant to be broken Ziva, I don't know how you can handle him, but Rule 12 doesn't count for you two anymore," Gibbs stated, obviously expecting the question.

Tony watched as her expression changed to relief, "Thank you Gibbs."

"Anytime Ziver." The line went dead.

There was a pause, "Well?" Asked Tony.

Ziva broke out into a grin, "Gibbs said Rule 12 doesn't include us anymore."

"Perfect, now I really can love you without the bossman looking over my shoulder!"

**YES! Three days in a row = three chapters! YAAAAY! I really need to get this done before the 28th of January, because i'm going boarding and won't have much time! BUT I refuse to be an author who just doesn't finish their work AT LEAST SAY DISCONTINUED people! Anyhow you know the drill, READ AND REVIEW!**


	31. Chapter 31

**Not sure if you saw on my profile but fan wasn't letting me upload anything! Error page kept coming up! It started last night and I figured it would be gone this morning, but nope, and again throughout the day it hasn't worked! BUT. I wrote this chapter and constantly checked for a gap that would let me aaaaannnnndddd guess what I found one! Enjoy!**

"So considering that you told me a story about you last night, or morning, whatever," Tony words jumbled as they casually did the dishes from the past few days, "I guess I should tell you one about me."

"If you want," Ziva replied easily.

Tony paused to think of a story of a young Tony DiNozzo in his prime. He handed Ziva a dripping wet, soapy plate, "So."

"So," Ziva added, giving him a look to continue.

"My first kiss, tonight you can say yours'." He grinned at her slightly shocked expression, "So I was six."

"Six?!" Ziva gasped, shocked at how young he was.

"Well my first kiss, it didn't have any feelings behind it, just a kiss, _thank you _very much!" He laughed briefly, "Macy Pons. She was more man than woman."

Ziva again interrupted, drying the bubbles off a bowl, "You mean more of a boy than girl right?"

Tony looked at her, "No she was twelve, used to dress me up as a little sailor boy. Extremely bossy and scary when she was mad. Didn't realise at the time that she was just using me for my ridiculously good looking body!" He joked, mockingly running his hands down the sides of his body, tongue licking his kips sexually, Ziva bursting into laughter. "Anyway she invited me to her place, we were neighbours you see. She told me she was moving, saying that all sailors kissed their girlfriends or lovers goodbye. So she took me outside, to her tree house, which by the way was awesome! And we kissed." He sighed, "She let me touch her boob, but I don't think I knew what that meant but hey, I was six." He shrugged, "Something to brag about."

"What happened to her?" Ziva asked, hanging her towel up as they finished cleaning up.

"Not sure, never saw her again, she moved to England so couldn't exactly phone each other cheaply." He paused, "Somehow Mum and Dad found out. Dad was impressed, Mum not so much."

Ziva grinned, "I would imagine," She moved back to the couch, taking up her book again. Tony wandered around aimlessly, slowly pacing back and forth, lost for what to do. Eventually she couldn't stand it anymore, "Tony do you want to do something together?"

"Yes!" He replied a little too eagerly, "I mean if you want," He added, to try and keep his 'cool' act.

She sniggered quietly, "You don't have to act tough around me Tony, I've seen you scream at a bit of black thread," She laughed again.

"I thought it was a spider," He mumbled. "Anyway what do you want to do?"

Ziva shrugged, "We could do some chores, firewood or something like that," She suggested.

Hands on hips Tony replied, "Really ninja, you wanna do chores?"

"Well who else is going to do them?" She imitated Tony, "You wanna run out of wood?"

He laughed, shaking his head, "Need more husk to get that DiNozzo voice. There's only one axe as well."

She shrugged, "So? I'll pile the wood."

"The wood goes in the cellar."

Ziva suddenly stood up, anger shining in her eyes, "Tony! I can do this! I cannot live my life avoiding situations that make me nervous!" She glared at him, even though it wasn't his fault.

"Look sorry, I was just trying to look out for you," He muttered.

"Well don't! I am not weak, feeble or incapable of caring for myself!"

"Ziva! Just because I care for you doesn't mean that you can't!" Tony yelled back.

She shook her head, "I cannot do this," She stated quietly, moving to push past him, to retreat into the bedroom.

"No Ziva," Tony said, holding her arm to stop her, she glared at him, yanking her arm away. "Ziva don't push me away! Please." He begged.

She ran her fingers through her hair, "I cannot help it, I push everyone away, don't take it personally," She muttered, annoyed at having to admit it.

"Why Ziva? This can't be just Somalia, why can't you let anyone get close?" Tony asked firmly, he wasn't letting her shy away from the question, she could tell.

"Because," She began, her voice cracking, she quickly blinked away the tears that were threatening to fall, Tony's face softening, "Because anyone and everyone I care for ends up dead!" They began to slide down her face, "Ima, Tali, Aadan, Kadin, Michael," Tony was surprised to hear his name but didn't question it, she babbled a few more he didn't recognise, her shell finally broken, "Ari." She slowly added. She stumbled into his arms, his protectively wrapping around her, holding her tight.

"Ziva, please. I'm not going anywhere, and I'm not letting you do the same." He pulled away, studying her face, "I love you Ziva, not like I loved any other girl before." He kissed her cheek gently, allowing her to regain her composure. "I know you're still raw, we don't have to do anything today, let's just sit around and-"

"No Tony." She interrupted. "I am going down there, I _have_ to." She glanced up at his worrying face, "I will be fine, I know more what to expect now."

"You sure?"

She nodded mutely. Tony sighed, knowing she wouldn't back down. He took her hand, shifting the mat away, opening the cellar door. He glanced at Ziva, she stood firm at the entrance. "Alone or with me ninja?" He asked gently.

"Together, but with the lights on," She quickly said, Tony went down a few steps and flicked the switch, illuminating the cellar's interior. They slowly went down each step, allowing Ziva to pause on each one, hand trailing along the wall, finding the differences from the hell hole she had left. Finally they made it to the bottom, the circulation completely cut from Tony's hand, as Ziva clung to it as if it was her lifeline, he supposed in a way it was. She scanned the small room, a stack of fire wood stood in the far corner, a locked gun cabinet in the other, a axes and some other small tools were hanging from the wall. She walked around the walls countless times, forcing herself to take in each detail.

Eventually she turned to Tony, axe in hand, "I'm ready."

**Don't know if Tony's first kiss was revealed in the show but hey. I think there was a disclaimer somewhere throughout this fanfic so BLAH! REVIEW!**

**PS 4th day in a row ;)**


	32. Chapter 32

**Again don't know about Ziva's first kiss but this is my little take on it :) Also I did Google how Ziva's mum died, or if she has died, but it didn't come up with anything conclusive :) **

**In other news, my late Christmas prezzie came; NCIS SEASON THREE! ARGH! I AM IN LOVE! I actually love watching the early tension with Ziva and Abby! **

Eventually after countless times racing up and down those steps, to store the firewood in the cellar, Ziva lost that sense of dread when she went deeper below the ground. It felt so good, as if she had beaten a great adversary, a demon from Somalia herself, even though she knew she could never have had done it without Tony's help. He was outside, carefully cutting down a medium sized pine tree that stood near the road out, it had been on a dangerous angle and could fall and block their way out. Not that either of them would've minded; they felt like they could stay forever here, forging a living from the forest. Tony had gone with her the first few times to take the wood cuttings down to the cellar, for his own ease of mind more than hers. Soon Ziva had said it was taking too long, he should just stay cutting the wood, she could take it down by herself. At first he wasn't sure but he knew it was again something she wouldn't back down on. After a few hours they sat on a sheltered porch, drinking semi frozen orange juice to cool down. The snow that had fallen heavily on their first night, it was slowly melting in the sun shining from a clear blue sky. The air was crisp but the sun was warm on them.

"I was eleven," Ziva stated, pausing to allow Tony to figure out what she was talking about.

A sly smirk crawled across his face as he realised, "Name, current place of residence, social security number?" He rapidly asked.

"Rueben Eban, probably Tel Aviv still," She smiled mischievously. "Eli was working late again, Ari staying with his mother for a week, Ima was away for the weekend, staying with Aunt Nettie, Tali at a friend's house. I was reading in the lounge, this was before Eli became director." She stopped briefly.

"Go on," Tony practically begged.

"There were no guards and he snuck inside to see me."

"Which arm did he loose?" Tony joked.

Ziva raised an eyebrow with a small smirk on her face, Tony's grin quickly left his face. Ziva continued, "I had him in a head lock before he could introduce himself. But I soon realised who he was, I stole some beer from Eli's personal fridge, we climbed onto the roof, got drunk, made out."

"You were eleven!" Tony gasped, "Are all Israelis this forward?"

"Only the good looking ones, "She replied sneakily. "It stayed just a passionate kiss, nothing else." She finished.

"How old was he?"

"Fifteen, he was what you would call a player, no?" She asked, Tony nodding his agreement. "And that was my first kiss."

"Was Daddy mad when he found a drunk little girl at home?" He asked, mentally scolding himself, his mind crossing to what was scrawled on her back.

Ziva seemed to not notice, leant forward and showed him the palm of her left hand, indicating to small dotted scars littering them. If she hadn't showed him, he wouldn't have ever noticed. "He smashed the bottle on the ground near my bed, threw Rueben down the stairs, literally, locked me in my room for two days." The emotion left her face, "When he came back he muttered that I had failed him. I was to clean up the mess and go and make dinner." She shrugged, "Didn't have gloves."

Tony just stared at her small hand, sure his Dad was bad, inviting his various girl 'friends' over at ridiculous times when Mum was away, but this? A eleven year old? "Were you afraid of him?"

"I guess, but I secretly enjoyed annoying him, I caused a few grey hairs for him," She chuckled quietly.

Tony grinned, "Worse thing you did?"

What little happiness she had on her face evaporated immediately, she got up and abruptly left, locking herself in the toilet. Tony followed her knocking on the door, "Uh Zee-Vah?"

There was a small sniff, _'Sniff?! Sniff as in cry?! What could make my ninja cry?!' _Tony pondered, even though she had cried in front of him recently.

"Go away Tony," She quickly murmured.

He sighed, "That's great and all but I need to pee," He stated, hoping she would unlock the door.

She didn't, "Go outside then."

"Um it's not just a pee ninja," There was a pause, "C'mon Ziva you agreed we wouldn't do this!"

She yanked the door open, face red with both misery and anger, "I killed Ima!" Slamming the door shut again.

But Tony's foot got in the way, "Ok that hurt," He said evenly, judging by the look he got in return, she wasn't amused. He reached forward, took her hand and gently pulled her back to the couch. He glanced at her face, the tears clearly had been blinked back. "Start from the beginning ninja, deep breaths, no bottling up."

She nodded slightly, "I would ask my parents to do something, if they gave different answers I would use that against them, manipulate them to allow me to do something I wanted to do." She drew in a deep breath, regaining her composure. "One day Ima said she had had enough, she stormed out. It was my fault, I asked her if I could go to a late night movie, Eli said yes, he knew I could defend myself, but Ima said no. I went anyway. She was furious." Tony was confused how this meant she killed her mother but didn't say anything, "There was a riot in the square, she was caught in the cross fire. If I had not angered her she would not have had left. Not have been killed."

"Oh Ziva that's not your fault, you couldn't have had known that would happen!" He reasoned.

She shook her head, "Do you feel guilt still over Somalia?"

Tony paused, "Yes."

"That's the same as me and Ima then." She stated simply.

"God Ziva I- I'm so-" Tony stopped, he didn't know what to say.

"It's ok," She murmured in a hushed voice leaning her head on his shoulder, hands intertwined. They stayed like that for a while, before Tony got up. Declared the wood pile Ziva had ordered was atrocious and would have to be redone.

"Hey it's not that bad!" She reasoned.

"Uh yes it is Zee-vah, " He held out his hand, "C'mon, it ain't gonna fix itself."

**And the past is slowly unraveling! REVIEW!**

**PS FIVE IN A ROW!**


	33. Chapter 33

**I was trying to figure out why viewing count was down, but then I realised how crap it all it in America with the weather, I've got summer right now and didn't figure how crap it all was! I hope you are all doing as well as you can with the weather!**

"This one?" Ziva asked, pointing to a faded movie poster in Tony's old bedroom, they had been looking through all of his old stuff; posters, drawings, comic books, toys and magazines. Ziva had found it ridiculous the amount of toys he had growing up, Tony justifying it with the fact he was an only child, they get all the best things.

Tony looked up from the box he had been sifting through, he sighed, "Really Ziva?! It says 'JAMES BOND' on it! You do know who he is right?" He gave a pleading expression.

She scoffed, leaning over him, "Ziva, Ziva David."

"It's Bond, James Bond!" He cried.

"Oh." She held up a photo of a very naked, very muddy Tony when he was a toddler, a huge grin on his face. "You haven't changed a bit," She joked.

"Well I hope I've grown a little!"

"You have, just not all of you," She pointed to the photo, between his legs.

Tony blushed slightly, "Well you would know."

"Yes, I would," She replied just as cheekily. Tony laughed, grinning down at what he had found. "What is it?" Ziva asked, sitting on the bed next to him.

"Photo album Zee-Vah." He replied, not looking up from the cover, scanning his name and the years it showed.

"That is not a cd Tony." Ziva pointed out.

"_Photo _album ninja, parents take photos, put them in this book."

She went to snatch it from him, "So embarrassing tiny Tony is in here?!"

He pulled it away, "Yes!"

Ziva stared at him hard, "You against me, do you really want to go there Tony?" He paused, then sighed and opened it, revealing page after page of a young Tony. Birthday parties, first day at school, Christmas, Easter, snow days, everything, filled with that goofy grin. Ziva laughing at nearly all of them. Tony seemed to be almost touched at the ones with him and his mother sometimes sighing or touching her face gently.

Ziva saw this, "You miss her."

"More than I realised," He stated, quickly turning the page, announcing that he didn't want to talk about. Ziva didn't push. He reached one of him and a slightly older girl, holding hands, him dressed up as a sailor. "Aha! This Zee-Vah is Macy Pons, my first kiss," He slid the photo out, handing it to Ziva to examine. Macy had long blond hair, tall, wearing what Ziva imagined to be the latest clothes, she really was beautiful but there was also something else, the broadness of her shoulders, a look in her eyes as if she got everything she wanted, Ziva could tell she was probably a bully. Tony was nearly to young to be recognised, if it wasn't for the smile that he showed in every photo.

"She is very pretty Tony," Ziva observed, handing the photo back.

"Pretty?! She's beautiful! Wonder where she is now," He murmured.

Ziva cleared her throat, "Still here Tony," Hoping he wasn't serious.

"C'mon Ziva, I'm joking!" He laughed. Ziva shooting him one of her death glares.

They soon were finished looking through the photos, glancing at the time, Ziva stood, "I'll make dinner tonight Tony."

"If you lay off the spice then go for it, need any help?" Tony asked.

"I'm fine."

Tony came out of the bedroom half and hour later, with an armful of posters and a few photos he said he wanted to keep, finding Ziva forcing into a bread roll shape, some weird looking dough. "What on earth is that?"

"Cheese, tomato, sausage, fish and spices, wrapped in dough, like a inside out pizza," She smiled at him, wrapping the dough bundles in tin foil, spinning around, she threw them to Tony ,"Catch!" Laughing as he fumbled with them, finally getting one in each hand, giving her a look. "It goes in the embers," She added, as if nothing had happened. Tony grumbled but did as he was told, Ziva easily chopping finely some potatoes, sprinkling some herbs, then also wrapped them, "Thought you might like some wedges Tony." She got an enthusiastic grin as a reply. Sitting them next to the bread to cook. They cleaned up together, in a peaceful silence, relaxing on the couch, Tony grinned and suddenly jumped up and raced off to the bedroom. Ziva watched him leave, confused when he brought out what looked like a suit case, placing it on a small chair in the corner.

"You are leaving?" She asked, secretly slightly worried.

He gave her a goofy grin, "Yeah Zee-Vah I love you and I'm gonna leave ya," He joked.

"Happened before," She stated.

"Stop making me feel guilty!" He cried, still smiling. Tony opened the case, revealing it to be a record player, a vinyl already inside. He delicately positioned the needle on the spinning turntable, a crackly woman's voice filling the room, soon smoothing out into a gentle, beautiful song. He held out his hand to Ziva, "Come ninja, dance time."

She looked at him, "You hate dancing Tony."

"No I _used _to hate it, but I've got a feeling I might enjoy this." She sighed, taking his hand, allowing him to lead her into a more clear area. He placed one hand on her hip, the other still holding her hand, as they began to slowly circle the lounge, a mesmerising waltz, their eyes never breaking away from each others. Tony proving to be actually quite good at it, keeping in beat, not tripping on Ziva's feet.

"I didn't know you could dance Tony," She said in a gentle voice, not wanting to disrupt the atmosphere.

He shrugged, still keeping in time, "Dad made me do it for a few years, said it was how to get girls, they all love dancers."

Ziva laughed, "That's not true you know, we don't _all_ love dancers."

He faked a hurt look, "So you don't love me?"

"Never said I didn't," She replied mischievously. Turing her head to look at the fire when she heard a slight sizzling. She let go of his hand and went over to the fire, flicking out the tin foil parcels with the prong. Putting them on each plate, leaving to cool off a little Ziva went and got two bottles of beer for them. She sat on the couch, Tony next to her. "You know when I first had dinner at your place and we ate on the couch I thought it was ridiculous." She laughed, as they unwrapped their tin foil dinners.

"It probably was strange and intriguing for your foreignness," Tony teased.

"That is not a word Tony," Ziva reprimanded.

He took a bite of his bread roll, a string of melted cheese hanging from his mouth, "Forget the fish, _this _is delish!" He joked.

Ziva smiled a response, nibbling on some chips. Tony noticed; she had become more delicate when it came to eating, savouring each bite, not wolfing it down like he did. He forced himself to slow down, not to rush her or anything like that. Glancing at him she grinned even more, "Tony you have got some herbs between your teeth."

He paused, running his finger all over his front teeth, missing the herb, "Did I get it?"

Ziva shook her head, "Here," She reached over and scraped the stubborn green fleck away.

Tony smiled a thanks, taking another bite of the bread roll, "I don't even know why I bothered cooking the other day, yours is always so much better!" He decided with his mouth still full of food.

"Thank you Tony," She replied, picking a small bit of bread off, placing it tenderly in her mouth.

Tony sensed something was wrong, "What's up?" He asked as he swallowed his mouthful.

"It's nothing just thinking," Ziva remarked softly, eyes fixated on the fire that was flickering between them.

Tony gently touched her arm, "Come on Ziva, none of this, thinking of what?"

"I," She paused.

Tony sighed, "You?"

"I feel guilty."

He scoffed slightly, "Of what?" Hoping it wasn't Somalia related, that she dropped his tooth brush in the toilet and didn't tell him or something like that.

"You are used to sex in a relationship, I can't give you that, not now," Her voice dropped, with both shame and annoyance.

Tony was shocked, sure he had thought about it before Somalia, but not after what Saleem and his dogs did to her, "Ziva, hey look at me," He demanded, waiting until her eyes met his, "You said when you came back that the old Ziva is dead, that you left her behind." She nodded slightly, "Well so is the old Tony; the womanising creepy middle aged guy with a string of past lovers, he is gone. I have not _once _thought about that since we got back. I will go as slow or was fast as you feel comfortable with," He stated firmly, reaching up and cupping her cheek with his left hand, "I wish you could see how beautiful you are Ziva," He whispered.

She laughed lightly, "Tony I am not, I am paranoid; I see the desert when there is not, I am a mess, both physically and mentally, why would you even-" Tony shut off her babbling by gently pressing his lips against hers. At first she nearly pulled back, startled, but soon relaxed into it. Sealing their affection, compassion, and their promise of love with the kiss. Eventually they drew away.

"What was that?" Ziva asked, though she didn't try to hide how much she enjoyed it.

Tony smiled, "I told you."

"Told me what?"

"I couldn't live without you."

**FINALLY! TIVA PREVAILS! Sorry fellow readers I know I missed a day but I was REALLY busy then! Anyways I guess this is beginning to end, but I assure you it isn't yet! Probably just a few extra chapters then all done! Stay tuned and REVIEW if there is something you desperately want to see before this ends :) **


	34. One Year Later

**Sorry I have't been updating these past few days, I've been too caught up with the Elite New Zealand Road Cycling Championships! Again sorry, I know I just broke Gibbs' rules but shhhh don't tell him! **

**Anyways I've decided to wrap this story up. Maybe 5 more chapters? It's going to be like snapshots of the TIVA future :) hope y'all all like it, thanks to 40212325 for the whole Tony shot review (spoiler alert!) I kinda used it :D **

_1 YEAR LATER_

"Ziva shooter!" Tony yelled as he slammed her aside, safely behind a car, whilst firing shots towards a gunman in the corner of the mechanic shop. Finally he managed to disable the shooter, with a bullet in the shoulder, Ziva ran over and kicked his gun away.

Gibbs dragged the man to his feet, ignoring his cries of abuse that littered out of his unshaven mouth. "Dean Saunders; you're under arrest for three accounts of murder, including one of Petty Officer Lauren Kevern, avading arrest, shooting at NCIS agents-"

"Add actually shooting one to the list bossman!" Tony grunted as he limped towards them, hand pressed firmly against his lower thigh. Gibbs gave the man a death stare for injuring one of his own.

Ziva was immediately at his side, pushing away McGee's attempts to help DiNozzo, "How much blood?" She asked quickly, helping him to a sitting position, back leaning against a navy holden.

"Wow Zee-Vah, good to see you care about your boyfriend!" He stated, through gritted teeth, Ziva knelt next to him, gently dabbing around the wound with her fingers, Tony wincing as she did so.

Looking up to Gibbs she smirked, "Nothing serious Gibbs, just scraped him."

"Uh not to doubt you or anything but this is serious! It really hurts!" He whined, beckoning to McGee, "Hey probie don't just stand there help out your senior field agent!" McGee sighed, bending down to put Tony's arm around his shoulder.

Just as he was about to Gibbs interrupted, "Thanks McGee, could use another set of hands getting this dirtbag bag to base." They both turned and walked out of the garage, towards the NCIS van, the culprit with them, hands cuffed behind his back, leaving Ziva and Tony alone.

Tony paused, until he was sure that the others were out of ear shot, "Hey ninja, you may be invinsible but that hurts!" He winced, opening his mouth to continue, but was silenced by Ziva's lips pressed against his. He hesitated slightly, before kissing her back, his hand reaching up to cup her cheek when she pulled away.

"Better?"

He grinned, "A little, maybe if we-"

Ziva narrowed her eyes menacingly, his mouth snapping shut. She laughed and helped him to his feet, supporting him for the short walk back to his car, Ziva opting to drive. 

They arrived back at the bullpen in minutes, Tony collapsing to his chair with a heavy sigh, Ziva leant against her desk, mocking him for his low pain tolerance. Just as she muttered how pathetic he was acting, whilst he delicately pulled at the hole in his pants, complaining about how much they cost, Abby all but sprinted in.

"Tony oh my god, I heard you got shot!" She planted a bear hug on him, engulfing him in her arms.

Tony winced and stiffened, Abby quickly drew away, "It's ok Abbs, part of being a NCIS senior field agent, take one for the team and all," He smugly stated, his gaze falling to Ziva, who rolled her eyes.

Abby saw all of this, she got up and went to punch Ziva in the arm, but only to find the Israeli still remembered her training and easily deflected it, "Hey don't be mean to Tony! I want to be a bridesmaid!" She cried.

Ziva paused, "A what?" As Tony just laughed.

"When you two get married _obviously_!" She replied, "I want to be there to say I called it."

"Called who?" Ziva asked, confused.

Tony sighed, "Like when you early on bet that something will happen, and it does," He explained as Ziva nodded an understanding.

Ducky arrived to look at Tony's leg, "Where is Jethro and Timothy?" He asked.

"Interrogation." Both Ziva and Tony replied at once.

He smiled, "I see you two are already in tune with each other," He glanced at Abby, who grinned back. Ziva rolled her eyes, moving to allow the doctor to look at Tony.

Ducky brought out some scissors, cutting away a larger hole around the wound, he brought some damp cleaning clothes from his bag. "Oh toughen up," He muttered when Tony whimpered as he cleaned the blood from the scrape. He applied some antiseptic cream, wrapping the leg in a bandage, he straightened up, finished.

"Ah Ziva."

"Yes Ducky?" She asked, immediately at his side.

He handed her a bottle of pills, "Ensure he has one before bed, then one every morning and evening for the next week," She nodded, as he turned to leave, "Oh and Ziva?" She looked up at him, "Take care of him."

She smirked, "Of course Ducky," Abby's grin grew even wider. 

"Ow ow ow ow OWWWW!" Tony fired as Ziva tried to rewrap his injured leg. They were back in his apartment, even though the only real difference between his' or her's apartment was who payed the rent, they spent equally the same amount of time at each others as they did their own.

"Tony sit still!" Ziva instructed firmly, "I know how to take out a appendix, I can do this."

Tony paused, "How do you know that?!"

She shrugged as she finished, standing up, "Part of Mossad training, if you are in the field and someone's appendix needs to be removed we were meant to be able to do it, although generally we would just leave them," She added coldly.

Tony couldn't think of a proper response so he stood, wobbling until he made Ziva help him limp over towards his movie collection, he picked out one easily, "I really did feel like John McClane earlier, so it's Die Hard tonight Zee-Vah."

**And there is our first snapshot, one year later! Hope y'all enjoyed it! Leave a review to let me know!**

**FF xx**


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